Talking of wrong 'uns, Janky Jade is up to her old tricks, contacting Hope via the backyard door, telling her to keep her phone on and she'll contact her about going off on "an adventure". Tyrone realises his secret weapon is Ruby, who reveals all of Jade's beauty secrets, i.e. she created Hope's bruises with "Shimmering Midnight" eyeshadow. The social worker turns up and Ty and Ev (let's have a spin-off series where Plummer & Grandon solve crimes! Please) find a photo taken a couple of days after the "bruises" were supposed to have happened, and then rush off to harass poor Dr G into confirming their story. Unforch, horrid Hope won't fess up, but Ty then finds the massive pink secret phone inc. the messages from Jade and the social worker finally gets the truth out of Hope, but not out of Jade, who doubles down on her story. Fiz is allowed home, but Hope refuses to hug her and when Fiz tells her she'll never see Jade again, she rushes upstairs, contacts Jade and then preps for their plan to run away. To be honest, it'd be best for everyone if Fiz and Tyrone just let Jade take Hope; she'll only burn down whatever youth hostel they end up in.
Over at the Kate Oates Memorial Hospital, Shona is being transferred along the M62 to a specialist unit in t'Leeds, but David says he'll visit her every day. Look, Daveyboy, it's quite obvious that Shona woke up, realised that she had to spend the rest of her life with jailbird Dave, Midwich Max, Wittery Gail, Granny Robber Nick, and Lily, who's OK at the moment, but is bound to develop demon tendencies at some point, and has faked amnesia. Just let her alone for ~9 months and she'll be OK. David tells Max he'll be staying at Marion's for a couple of nights per week, so I'm assuming the actor is off to do his GCSEs?
Meanwhile, Billy tries to get Paul to see that Kel may never be punished for what he did. However, Bernie regrets nothing, telling people that her video has been shared over 2000 times. Unfortunately, someone's got the wrong end of the stick and thinks Kel still lives chez Battersby-Brown-Winter, daubing "Paedo" on the window and throwing a burning rag through the letter box whilst Gemma and the quads sleep upstairs. She wakes up as Chesney tries to put the fire out, helped by Abi, who has completed her fire warden training and knows how to handle a fire extinguisher. The quads go off to hospital to be checked over and Chesney shouts at Bernie and Paul for bringing this trouble on them. Presumably, this is the beginning of the end for Bernie. A pity, I like her chaotic scally energy.
Ray drops off Abi at the mechanics in his male menopause-mobile, whilst Bethany manages the mostly silent chef (Dom) and tries to sack the sous-chef (I think hiring and firing is above your pay-grade, chuck). She overhears Ray say he has someone in mind to manage the Bistro, and naturally thinks that it's going to be her. I guess she's not read the spoilers about her leaving the show, then. Kev is not impressed with Abi's timekeeping and tells her she has to work through lunch and do his work as well as her own. Later, they row in the pub over Ray and Abi storms off. Maybe the writers are putting too many obstacles in the way of Kabi?
Rachel Stevenson - personal blog
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