Cosy crimes and gritty sagas by Corrie Blog editor Glenda, published by Headline. Click pic below!

Monday, 27 September 2021

Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

Norris had friends in far off places.  Who knew that Gail Potter Tilsley Platt Hillman Platt McIntyre LesDennis and Norris Cole were such close friends?  So close in fact, that Gail was willing to fly back from Thailand to attend his funeral.  I wouldn't have thought she'd have crossed Greater Manchester to say goodbye to the old gossip but there you go, she's clearly got a bigger heart than me.  In fact she was so devoted to attending Norris's farewell she didn't bother talking to any of her children or friends, just whack, off the plane, haircut, off to the church.

Norris's funeral was such a big event even the Wethy Gazette printed a special front page for him.  I suppose with the decline of print media they have to keep all their stockists sweet; expect next week's headline to be Brian Packham Voted Sexiest Man Alive.  As with everything involving the late Mr Cole, it was a mix of scandal and comedy, though to me it never quite flew - it felt a bit lethargic when it should have been whip crack fast comedy.  I suppose this is the downside of filling the screen with octogenarians.  What we did get was fun though, with Norris poisoning the well on the way out the door, revealing that Claudia gave Rita the odd tint.  I found this revelation incredibly shocking, as I'd always assumed Rita simply had a lengthy row of differently hued wigs that she unleashed based on her mood - Golden Sunrise for when she was jolly, Amber Nectar when she was melancholic, and so on.  If she wanted a different colour I thought she ordered a new one from a catalogue.

Audrey was horrified by this revelation, mainly because she was absolutely lathered on tequila.  I can now add "a funeral" to the list of places I'd like to go with Audrey Roberts.  She's a game old bird and I hope she's never tamed.  

It's the circle of LIIIIIIFE.  The last time Zeedan was in the show, he was forced to flee Weatherfield after he whacked a bloke in the Alleyway of Doom.  He's been back five minutes and here he is, getting dragged into the same alley to get a kicking of his own.  There's a kind of poetic justice to that, especially as Zee was never actually punished for his earlier crime (ok, the bloke was a creepy pervert, but still).  The assailants this time were the brothers of Zee's current wife, punishing him for doing the dirty on her.  Yes, for the third time in a year, we have a character making a surprise return to the Street while caught up with a load of dodgy people.  Can't somebody just decide to visit their relatives?  I've not seen my brother since before lockdown; I'm now slightly worried that if he does visit he'll turn up with a load of gangsters in tow who'll try to shoot me.

The joke is dead.  There was a strange moment in Friday's episode when Aggie announced she was making marmalade chicken wings and nobody recoiled in horror.  Yes, it looks like they've finally laid to rest that astonishingly stupid running gag about her being a bad cook.  Marmalade chicken wings is an actual real thing, and it sounds pretty tasty, unlike her melon and couscous omelettes or whatever she made in her earliest appearances.  It was a pleasing distraction from the whole Grace storyline, which keeps getting new twists and never ever intrigues.  This week, we got Michael agreeing to pay half her non-existent rent, to which I say, yeah, she's the mother of your child, too right you should be helping with the bills.  To be honest it's hard to empathise with Aggie and Ed's suffering too much - oh, you're not getting the market rental rate for your second house?  Pass me a tissue.

One thing I do like is that Grace has given up any pretence of being vaguely likeable and has transformed into a gorgon.  All she does now is waggle her eyebrows and threaten to snatch the baby away and it's quite amusing.  I hope she gets more and more insane, and Aggie home from hospital one day to find Grace dangling Glory off the viaduct, threatening to drop her to her death unless Grace gets a hot tub.

Replacements only, no refunds.  Is it too late to return this Max to the Child Actor Shop and get the old one back?  Because while Max 1.0 had his flaws, he wasn't pure unadulterated spite.  They've not come up with an explanation for why Max is now satanic.  I suppose having both your parents murdered and having ADHD and also being trafficked as an infant will take its toll eventually.  Or perhaps it was the strain of being hidden away in a cupboard throughout the pandemic and not being allowed out.  Whatever it is, this child has clearly inherited the demon spawn mantle from Hope as he taunted Daniel for hanging out with Summer, implying he wants to get into her no doubt eminently sensible pants.  This resulted in possibly the mildest tussle ever seen on the cobbles as Daniel sort of grabbed at Max's jacket; next to this, Eileen vs Gail was a Royal Rumble.

The most baffling part of this is David's willing acceptance of everything Max said.  Here are some of the things David did when he was fifteen: got drunk in school, tried to break up his mum's romance with a reflexologist, sent her cards from her dead murdering husband, and blackmailed Charlie Stubbs.  In other words, he has ample proof that teenage boys are the actual worst, and he really should treat Max's statements with a little bit of distance.  When Shona - whose son is an actual murderer - is able to gain the parenting high ground, you're not doing well.  (Wow, there really have been a lot of murder-related plotlines bouncing around number 8).  Maybe now Gail's back she can take him to one side and remind him of what a little brat he was and he can gain some perspective.

Choose your battles wisely.  There is an argument that, unless your protest causes genuine inconvenience, it fails to attract attention.  So any number of organised marches against climate change don't attract half as much coverage as someone supergluing themselves to the top of a tube train.  I can see the logic there, which is why you can see Freda taking Aled into the community centre as direct action.  On the other hand, she kidnapped a two year old child and held him hostage, meaning he missed a medical appointment.  You might feel very strongly about Aled's place in the deaf community, Freda, but you kind of cross a line when there's a desperate mother on the verge of tears outside begging for her son's release.  The moral high ground has been lost.  It all seemed like an overreaction anyway - Freda has been pals with Gemma for a couple of months now; they trust and respect one another.  Wouldn't you listen to the woman who has actually put the effort in and learned sign language over a crystal-toting loudmouth (Bernie) and an idiot (Chesney)?  Wouldn't you at least explain to your friend how hurt you were to see Bernie and Chesney dismiss your experience?  Oh no, go straight for the hostage situation, that's normal.

And on top of that, it all took place in the Community Centre, which was last seen being handed over to the bank by Yasmeen to pay off Geoff's debts.  It wasn't a going concern, because George almost put his funeral parlour in there, but here we are with it apparently being a Community Centre again.  I'm not saying we need a new storyline for every development on the Street, but that replacement for the Costa got a whole press release and a fancy hoarding outside that was ostentatiously placed behind Aggie during a key moment.  Slip in a line - "ooh, Miss Battersby, the community centre has been reopened by the council, what a palaver" - just something to make us loyal viewers feel rewarded.  Otherwise, why bother?

This week's Five Things is late because I found the show so uninspiring I couldn't really think of enough things to say about it.  It wasn't bad, it wasn't good, it just existed.  Send any complaints about its tardiness to me @merseytart where they will be comprehensively ignored.

All original work on Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License

Preview of tonight's Coronation Street - Monday 27 September

Monday 27th September

DAVID TEACHES DANIEL A LESSON David reports Daniel to the school for assaulting Max. Daniel’s summoned to a meeting with the deputy head. He apologises for grabbing Max’s jacket but refuses to withdraw his accusation about the stolen wallet. David declares Daniel should be sacked and if the school won’t act, he will. When Shona refuses to support David the couple row. Mrs Crawshaw advises Daniel to pacify David rather than throw away his career. In the corner shop, a bank card Max tries to use is declined, leaving Dev suspicious. Daniel’s horrified to hear that David has reported him to the police for assaulting Max.
SABEEN TESTS IMRAN’S LOYALTY Sabeen asks Imran to join her on a lucrative appeal case but he’s gobsmacked when he sees the defendant’s name - Harvey Gaskell! Imran refuses but Sabeen reminds him what he got up to on the night of Kelly’s verdict and urges him to reconsider. Imran fears blackmail.
AUDREY REFUSES TO BE CUT OUT Audrey remains deeply hurt by Rita’s disloyalty and accuses Gail, Claudia et al of laughing at her behind her back. Explaining her feelings of redundancy to Shona, Audrey’s touched by her words of comfort. 
ELSEWHERE As Asha enthuses about her studies, Roy encourages Nina to seek an outlet for her creative talents. Danny’s ears prick up when he hears Ed telling Paul they have a cash flow problem at the yard. James is puzzled, knowing how busy his dad has been busier lately.

Monday 27th September

DAVID PUTS FAMILY FIRST Dev informs David about the declined bank card. David plays it down, pretending he loaned his card to Max, but then lets rip at  Max. As Dev chats in the shop about Max, David and the bank card, Daniel’s mind whirs. 
IMRAN REFUSES TO BE BOUGHT Sabeen conceals her surprise when Imran sticks to his guns and refuses to play any part in trying to free Harvey, adamant that he belongs in prison.
JAMES BAILS THE BAILEYS OUT James demands to know what’s going on. Aggie reveals that Grace forced them to give her their house and carry out renovations for free, if they want to continue seeing Glory. James is stunned. 
ELSEWHERE Summer’s gutted when Daniel reveals he can’t tutor her as he’s been suspended. Gail plots a surprise belated birthday meal to lift Audrey’s spirits, and invites Rita. Nina asks Carla about resuming her designing work for Underworld but is disappointed to learn she’s been replaced. Roy suggests she go back to college to do a fashion course. 

Glenda Young
Twitter: @Flaming_Nora
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Saturday, 25 September 2021

The Fortnight In Classic Corrie

MONDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 8th and 10th March 1999

Curly was surprised by how much the world had moved on in his absence.  Jackie chucked a load of water over him when he tried to get into his house, while Alma had taken his job at Freschco.  She also told him that she'd made Jackie his legal tenant so he was sort of stuffed.  (He said he'd been to the police and they'd told him what happened to Anne Malone.  "Nobody expected it to end like that," said Alma.  You're telling me).  Sharon was an emotional wreck after the failure of her almost-marriage, and Ian's half-apologies were no help to her at all.  Rita persuaded her to stay on Coronation Street rather than running off.  Vik went through Steve's books and told him he was in major financial trouble.  He was forced to move back in with Jim and let Gary go from the business, leaving Judy incandescent with rage.  He also told Linda that he wasn't a cash machine for her to exploit.  Linda Sykes, a moneygrabber?  Who'd have thought?  And Leanne was an emotional wreck, wandering round the Street on the edge of hysteria.  We soon discovered why - she was pregnant.

TUESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 12th and 14th March 1999

It was time to say goodbye to another Rovers barmaid, as Lorraine and Natalie rowed and she was sacked.  Literally nobody cared because Lorraine was barely a character.  It did mean that Judy could get back her job behind the bar, meaning that Gary was left caring for the twins.  Mike got a surprise visit from a new rep, Julia, played by Fiona Allen from Smack the Pony.  She took him out for lunch, but was a bit useless and didn't get a sale.  Nick and Leanne reeled from the news that they were going to be parents.  He suggested she should have an abortion because they were too young.  However, Leanne wanted to keep it, and Toyah told him so.  He reluctantly agreed.  Curly persuaded the area manager that he should be let back into his old job as compensation for them unleashing psycho Anne on him.  This meant Alma was demoted.  Tracy turned up on Deirdre's doorstep, complaining that Robert was annoying, and that she'd left him.

WEDNESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 15th and 17th March 1999

Curly and Spider began their war against Jackie and Tyrone by sneaking into number 7 and robbing their telly.  Jackie told Tyrone that if he didn't find a replacement, she'd belt him, which made Spider uncomfortable.  He let Tyrone steal the TV back, so Curly decided to take matters up a notch.  Robert arrived at number 1, furious with Tracy, because it turned out she'd actually snogged another man.  Ken let him stay the night and conspired with Deirdre to get the two of them back together.  Leanne told Les and Janice about the baby and they were delighted - until they realised they were going to be grandparents.  Martin, however, was less chuffed.  

THURSDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 19th and 21st March 1999

Les had told all and sundry that Leanne was pregnant, despite them asking him to keep it under his hat.  Nicky was livid with him.  Gail returned from Canada to learn she was going to be a grandmother.  She was unhappy with the news, which disappointed Leanne, who felt she'd never be good enough for Gail.  Correct.  Mike met up with Julia again and she flirted with him.  He turned her down, but she told a mysterious person on the phone that she'd soon win him round.  Jackie persuaded Les to change the locks at number 7 by offering him a combination of sex and cash.  Of course she was manipulating him.  She told Tyrone to come home early to ruin the "romantic" evening, and paid Les with money out of his own wallet.  When he realised he'd been swindled he sold Curly a spare key.  

FRIDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 22nd and 24th March 1999

Ken and Deirdre persuaded Tracy and Robert to sit down and talk things through.  Obviously they ended up rowing, making Robert think their marriage was over.  Tracy admitted to Deirdre that she'd not had an affair with Dan after all - though he'd wanted her to.  She urged Tracy to think though what she'd done.  Audrey returned to find Tom working at the salon.  She was unhappy about Maxine taking on staff, but she'd got appointments that needed filling so there wasn't much she could do.  Spider and Curly used Toyah to seduce Tyrone out of the house, but Jackie spotted them lying in wait to break into number 7 and locked herself in.  They were more successful at a second try, but she still refused to leave, so they were left huddled in the living room together.  Sharon celebrated her birthday and Rita gave her a gift: the Kabin.  Sharon was unwilling to accept it, and Sally told her about Rita's gifts in the past.  She indirectly implied that Rita was trying to buy her affection so Rita accused Sally of wanting the Kabin herself.  She persuaded Sharon to take the business, saying there were no strings attached.

MONDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 26th and 28th March 1999

Audrey said she couldn't afford three salaries at the salon and so to keep Tom on, she'd have to let Maxine go.  Tom resigned in solidarity, leaving Audrey on her own, and he suggested to Maxine that they set up a rival salon in the flat upstairs.  Ashley asked Nicky and Leanne to leave because he didn't want a happy family around him while he was all alone.  Charming.  They worried about their future, then Uncle Stephen sent Nick a letter saying there was a job waiting in Canada if he wanted it.  Tracy agreed to cook Robert a meal to see if they could sort things out.  Deirdre gave them some space by heading to Ken's and she ended up kipping over - in the spare room.  Curly and Spider camped out at number 7 to try and drive Jackie out.  She called in the big guns: Tyrone's dad, Darren.  She expected him to beat Curly up, but instead he insisted on her packing their things and leaving with him.  Darren didn't want her ending up back in prison, and Jackie found it romantic, driving off into the sunset with him and Tyrone.  That's the last we'd see of the whirling dervish that is Margi Clarke for nearly a decade, but don't worry, Ty will be back much sooner.

TUESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 29th and 31st March 1999

Roy used the internet (MSN!  In a Coffee Republic!) to find someone to marry him and Hayley.  He met up with Bernard Wrigley in a country and western bar-slash-church but he was too weird, even for Roy, so they consulted with a curate at Emily's church.  She wasn't bothered that Hayley was trans but did say she'd have to consider her position.  Nicky excitedly talked about emigrating to Canada, but Janice overheard and lost her rag at losing her grandchild.  When she confronted Leanne she knew nothing about it.  She realised Nick was planning their future without her input.  Robert and Tracy made up, with Tracy saying she thought Ken and Deirdre looked like a proper couple again.  It encouraged Ken to suggest they made their relationship more permanent and she moved back into number 1.  Audrey struggled to cope at the salon, and when Tom and Maxine started their business upstairs, she threatened to evict her from the flat.  Ravi and Fred both thought that Rita handing the Kabin over to Sharon with no safety net was a mistake, so she suggested that they have a trial period before she signed it over.  Sharon was disappointed and annoyed.

WEDNESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 2nd and 4th April 1999

Deirdre moved in with Ken and he excitedly told her that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.  She wasn't so sure, and was embarrassed when the factory girls found out - especially when Mike started taking the mickey.  Audrey continued to war against Maxine and Tom, but when he cut Maud's hair outside on the street as a protest, she realised she was losing a PR battle and gave them their jobs back.  Sharon was upset that she wasn't getting the Kabin and thought it showed that Rita didn't trust her.  Rita finally conceded and agreed to give her the business without any conditions.  Nicky discovered that Leanne had leant Janice £200 to pay the bills, and he yelled at Les in the pub.  He told Leanne he didn't want the baby because they were too poor and too young and also he was a really awful human being.  She realised she might lose him if she continued with the pregnancy so she agreed to have an abortion.  At Freshco's, Curly turfed out a shoplifting Tyrone.  He didn't realise that Ty was starving and sleeping rough in the bins behind the supermarket.

THURSDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 5th and 7th April 1999

Nick continued to push a deeply unwilling Leanne into having a termination.  They went to the doctor's for their appointment and he stopped just short of demanding they did it there and then.  He came up with the idea of pretending it was a miscarriage, leaving her a little disturbed by the ease with which he came up with the lie.  Tyrone continued to hang around Freshco's, begging for small change, but Ashley spotted that he was sleeping in the skip.  He went to Curly, who was horrified to learn the Dobbs were back, but when he encountered Tyrone in the flesh he caved and offered him 50p for every trolley he brought back.  Tyrone explained his mum was back in prison and he was homeless. Roy and Hayley excitedly planned their wedding, asking Alma to be matron of honour and Toyah and Sarah-Lou to be bridesmaids.  Martin found it weird and Les found it disgusting, but the ladies of the Street put the men in their place, as they should.  Julia returned to the factory to see Mike.  She hinted that she'd like to see him at the rag trade ball, and Mike was intrigued - particularly when Alma announced she had to go on a Freshco training course that weekend.

FRIDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 9th and 11th April 1999

Leanne underwent her abortion.  She returned to Ashley's house and Nicky started spreading the story that she'd miscarried.  The prospective grandparents were shocked and fussed over them, leaving Leanne upset.  At the rag ball, Julia fluttered her eyelashes and got Mike all riled up.  However, Alma arrived at the hotel, her training course cancelled, meaning Mike had to sleep with his wife unfortunately.  When he checked out, he discovered Julia had left her contact details.  He called her up and promised they'd have a dirty weekend in future.  Kevin returned home to number 13 and discovered Sally was there with the girls.  He'd been with his dad in Germany, recovering from losing custody of the kids, and he said now he was back to be in their lives.  

There was also an interminable subplot about Gary becoming a window cleaner but the author refuses to give it the oxygen of publicity.  Contact me on Twitter @merseytart if you really want a run down of how boring it was.

Classic Corrie is on ITV3 weekday afternoons and is also on the ITV Hub.

All original work on Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License

New Coronation Street beer goes on sale at the Co-op

A new Coronation Street beer is going on sale at Co-op stores.

The new Corrie beer, called R Ale, features the Rovers Return tiling on its bottle and is brewed in Stockport by Robinsons Brewery.

It'll be in Co-op stores across the UK from next month.

The new R Ale will go on sale priced at £1.60 per bottle at stores nationwide from October 6.

Glenda Young
Twitter: @Flaming_Nora
Fancy writing a guest blog post for us? All details here!  
Follow us on Twitter and Like us on Facebook  

All original work on Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License


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