The Duckworths remained pariahs on the Street which meant they didn't get invited to Mavis and Derek's barbecue. This turned out to be a blessing, as not only was Derek wearing a red neckerchief, but he was also hopeless at cooking and everyone had to wait hours for their food. Peter Ingram was buried and Mike wasted no time smarming over his widow and discouraging her from selling up, pointing out how great he'd be at running the factory. The McDonald boys got their GCSEs, but while Andy did well, Steve scraped only a couple of passes. However, Steve got all the attention as his parents tried to be encouraging, leading to Andy throwing his dummy out of the cot and proclaiming he wasn't going to do A-Levels but was instead going to join the Army. Just have a quiet giggle to yourself about the thought of Andy wielding an assault rifle. Tina was being a right nark, back chatting Alec and mooning over her new rich boyfriend. Bet was worried that she was seeing a married man, but the truth was far worse: she was seeing the oily Nigel Ridley.
TUESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 27th and 29th August 1990
Ken opened a new front in his mission to get back in Deirdre's life. He went to Alf and asked to rent the flat above the shop. Alf said yes, because he saw the money, but Audrey, Deirdre and Sally all told him it was a horrible idea. (Sally in particular was aghast at the idea of living on the same street as your ex-husband. Imagine!) When he tried to change his mind, Ken threatened legal action, so Alf let him in. The most annoying part of this whole storyline is knowing that eventually Ken and Deirdre do get back together: she's way too good for him. Andy continued to pursue an army career for no reason other than he wanted to annoy his parents. He started to look a bit panicky when Jim called his bluff and took him to the recruitment office. Tina continued to take the mick, blowing off shifts at the Rovers and talking back to Alec, knowing that her dalliance with Mr Ridley made her untouchable. Bet spotted them together and tried to have a quiet word, gently pointing out that he was just using her, but Tina's head had been turned, and now Alec knew she had Nigel's ear (and everything else) he felt obliged to let her get away with murder.
WEDNESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 31st August and 3rd September 1990
Famed Scouse miserablist Jimmy McGovern wrote the first of today's episodes, and as a result it was full of shouting and general mardiness. Liz went off on a passionate soliloquy about the pains of being an army wife that would, to be honest, have been more appropriately delivered by Sheila Grant, but it persuaded Andy to give up any ideas of being a soldier. Deirdre was still furious that Alf had let the shop flat to Ken, and was even more furious when Ken said he loved her and basically she just needed to get her silly little head round the fact that they were destined to be together. There was a brief moment of levity where Mavis found a budgie on her sink and convinced herself it was Harriet reincarnated as Harry, but the main storyline was the Descent of Tina Fowler. She had become even more uppity and workshy. The final straw came when she barred Percy; you'd think this would earn her the eternal gratitude of everyone who ever went in the Rovers, but Bet sacked her. Nigel intervened and told Alec to take her back but Bet put her foot down. The two barmaids had a blazing row in the back room, with Tina saying Bet was jealous of her for being young and upwardly mobile, and Bet telling her experience had taught her that Nigel was using her. It was confirmed when Tina went to a posh wine bar and found him with another woman (while wearing an absolutely revolting stripy jacket). She chucked his Perrier all over him and left, and that was sadly the last we saw of Michelle Holmes on the Street.
THURSDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 5th and 7th September 1990
After the misery of the previous shows, Corrie reverted to farce today. Mavis discovered Harry the budgie was actually called Boris when his owner Mrs Featherstone put a "missing" card in the window of the Kabin. Rather than come clean, she held on to him, hiding his cage in the back. Percy Sugden was on the case though. He heard a chirrup and made it his mission to discover the bird in the house. Why he didn't just mind his own damn business was unclear. Meanwhile Audrey was starring in a low-budget version of Confessions of a TV Repairman, with Jim playing Robin Askwith. He was called round to fix her portable but she spent most of the time pouting on the bed in a series of low-cut outfits and telling him how dull her husband was. He legged it out of there and told Liz how terrified he was and remember, this man used to be a soldier. Ken continued his relentless pursuit of Deirdre, co-opting Tracy into helping him decorate the shop flat and constantly nipping round to number 1. He even told Bet he wasn't a single man. Deirdre was rightly stressed by this, but it just strained her relationship with Dave, and when she vanished for fifteen minutes to phone home and see if Ken had visited he told her he'd had enough.
FRIDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 10th and 12th September 1990
The budgie saga dragged on as Mavis continued to fret. Derek decided to give Mrs Featherstone a different bird and pretend it was Boris, but Mavis went round and gave a young Andrew Knott her Harry first so he had two. Mrs Featherstone returned one of the birds - by this point I had lost the will to live and couldn't keep track of which one - so both of them ended up with a budgie and we will hopefully never have to speak of it again. Audrey called Jim out to waggle her aerial again and he told her he wasn't interested. Alf insisted on being in when he returned the mended TV set because he was so dissatisfied with the work and Audrey realised he might discover the truth, so she spun a tale of being harassed. When he confronted him, Jim lost his temper, told Alf the truth and dropped his telly on the floor. Alf demanded compensation from Jim's boss and banned the McDonalds from his shop. Dave told Ken to leave Deirdre alone, and he responded by buying them drinks and being smarmy. It convinced Deirdre to start divorce proceedings. Vera went to a spiritualist, and casually mentioned to Human Sour Patch Kid Ivy that someone called "Brian" had been trying to leave messages from the other side. Ivy immediately looked intrigued, while I wondered if the producers had let the work experience boy come up with all the plotlines this week.
If the quality of the episodes don't improve soon @merseytart might have to start watching Classic EastEnders on Drama.
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