MONDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 18th and 21st May 1990
Jenny was worried about Flick letting her mate Rod stay on the sofa and turning her house into a dosshouse. I was mostly thrilled to hear the word dosshouse for the first time in twenty years. She was right though, because Rod was an absolute twat. PC Nailor let Jack and Jim off their motorcycle shenanigans with a stern lecture, then bought the bike off Jim for £800, because police corruption is eternal. Alec listened to Bet's concerns and told Nigel Ridley that he didn't want the Rovers changing into Yankees. A slimy estate agent turned up at number 1 and made Deirdre an above-value offer for the house. He refused to say who the bidder was, but she insisted on knowing, and he admitted it was Newton & Ridley, wanting the house to expand the pub. It seemed they were persisting with the Yankees plan regardless.
TUESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 23rd and 25th May 1990
Rod the Upper-Class Twit was still making his presence felt at the student house, playing his music loud enough to annoy Vera Duckworth and hanging his socks off the oven. Flick and Jenny joined forces and demanded he left. When he still refused, they enlisted working-class lad Mark Casey, who employed some good old-fashioned threats of violence to drive him out. Having got the bit of rough to do their dirty work, the middle-class university girls called him an animal for being aggressive. You could probably get an entire thesis on the British class system out of all that. Deirdre met up with Nigel Ridley and he upped the offer for number 1 to £35,000, ten grand more than it was worth, and she decided to take it. That raised the question of where to live once she'd moved out, and Dave suggested she move in with him - horrifying an eavesdropping Tracy. Derek started work on his garden and in the process noticed Steph topless using her sunbed in the back bedroom - which caused him to ram a fork into his foot, much to the amusement of the Barneses. They offered Mavis the use of the solarium and she spotted Derek on their new bench giving the bedroom window a side eye. Dirty old man.
WEDNESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 30th May and 1st June 1990
Oh goody, Ken Barlow's back. Tracy went running to him to ask if she could move in with him rather than live with Deirdre and Dave. He stormed round to tell his estranged wife she was setting her daughter a bad example, and she reminded him he was an adulterous pig. He then accused Deirdre of lying about the offer as an excuse to move and she told him it was Newton & Ridley trying to buy it. Because he is an absolutely disgusting human being, he promptly went round and tattled to Alec and Bet. Human spitting cobra Ivy went for a job at Ingram's, despite Don's misgivings, but hit a brick wall when they asked for a reference from her last employer - Baldwin. She politely asked him to back her up but he refused, still smarting over the travel bags. I really am sick of the words "travel bags" by the way. Mavis and Derek made it up after she accepted men are beasts with primitive sexual urges they can't control. And that is why the #MeToo movement happened.
THURSDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 4th and 6th June 1990
Mark found himself besotted with Flick, but it was distinctly one-sided after he took her out on a date and they ended up having their tea at a motorway service station. He tried to win her over with a tacky gold necklace that looked suspiciously like the Woman Repelling Bracelet Joey bought Chandler in
Friends, but that didn't work either, and Kevin realised that he hadn't bought it but had instead found it in the back of a car he was working on. There were filthy sexual shenanigans at number 9 as Vera and Jack went away to Pwhelli for a second honeymoon and Curly persuaded Kimberley to stop over. However, she had an attack of nerves and conscience at the thought of losing her virginity and told Curly she wanted to remain pure. Mike had a rare attack of decency. He gave Ivy her reference, which got her the job at Ingram's, much to Don's annoyance. He then went round to Deirdre - now public enemy number one, thanks to the house sale - and told her to sell up and not give a damn what people thought. That was more bad news for Alec and Bet, who'd been told by Nigel Ridley they could have the tenancy of the Quarryman's Rest when the Rovers became Yankees. The Quarryman's Rest was a haunted pub by the cemetery full of weirdos, so Alec resolved to fight the decision. After giving Bet a stirring speech in which he compared their fight to the rise of democracy in Eastern Europe, he enlisted Percy in a battle to keep the pub just the way it was.
FRIDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 8th and 11th June 1990
Though she refused to put out, Kimberley still stayed overnight at Curly's, much to her mum's horror when she turned up on the doorstep. Curly went round to explain to her parents that they were saving themselves until marriage, inadvertently implying they were engaged, and causing the Taylor family to leap for joy. Curly found himself sitting silently as they started planning a wedding he didn't want to take part in. Mark admitted he'd found the necklace on the floor, and Kevin told him to get it back. Unfortunately, Flick had already given it to a charity shop, and he had to buy it back for £35. The War Of The Rovers continued, with Bet begging Deirdre to reconsider selling, and Deirdre repeating over and over that she had a daughter to consider. Yes, but that daughter is
Tracy Barlow. Mavis and Jim went to the brewery to plead their case, but it fell on deaf ears, so Alec bolted the entrance and declared the pub on strike (apart from letting Des, Mike and Jim in for a quiet pint behind closed doors). Nigel Ridley turned up, shouting that the Rovers was Newton & Ridley property, but Bet beat him off with a draught excluder (no, really). In the process she called him a "poncified streak of aerated gnat's water". Magnificent.
Will the Rovers be transformed into a swanky wine bar? I'm on the edge of my seat. Please, don't send any spoilers to me on Twitter @merseytart.
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