Cosy crimes and gritty sagas by Corrie Blog editor Glenda, published by Headline. Click pic below!

Sunday 31 May 2020

The Week In Classic Corrie

MONDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 15th and 18th September 1995 

I know Corrie doesn't go in for the supernatural but hear me out: is it possible that the ghost of Ivy Tilsley has occupied Don?  Because ever since she died he's been a nasty, bitter person, and that was always Ivy's thing.  He realised this week that he was going too far and told Josie he'd change and be cheerier.  It lasted about five minutes, until he heard that Nicky was going to change his name back to Tilsley to get the house, and he promptly exploded.  Speaking of men who've lost their mind, Norris came to see Dirk Derek and Mavis and Derek lost his rag, telling him he was sick of his interference and wanting his gnome back.  Des discovered that Steph was living in a miserable bedsit and offered to help her out. 

TUESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 20th and 22nd September 1995

Percy was concerned that, now that the roof at number 3 was fixed, Emily hadn't invited him back.  She was getting his room redecorated as a surprise but he thought she was trying to get rid of him (why she wasn't trying to get rid of him is a mystery to me).  Curly told him he could stay with him as long as he wanted, much to Emily's confusion.  One person who did want him was Phyllis, who tried to make Percy jealous with tales of her dates with a man called Louis from Bramhall, but he paid no mind.  She's way too good for him.  Maxine strutted around the Street dressed like some kind of bondage queen in the hope of snagging Des, but he was clearly still in love with Steph, and he told Maxine their one night stand was just that.  He apologised but the damage was done.  Martin confessed to Don that he thought he deserved the house more than Nicky, the turncoat, while a solicitor (played by Ian Kershaw, better known as Mr Julie Hesmondhalgh and now a writer on the show) told them Don might have a claim.  The Duckworths were disappointed when that little camp estate agent turned up and told them their house wasn't worth tuppence so they probably wouldn't be able to afford Des's house.  Raquel went on her date with Leo and, like all posh people in this show since the beginning of time, he turned out to be a wrong 'un.  He tried to rape her in the shop storeroom and she was forced to knee him in the knackers and flee.

WEDNESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 25th and 27th September 1995

Betty finally caved in to Billy's endless entreaties and agreed to marry him.  Bless.  Raquel was understandably upset after her experience and confessed to Curly that Leo had assaulted her.  He agreed not to say anything but his anger finally bubbled over and he punched him in the middle of the store.  He also lost his tenant, as Percy made it up with Emily and moved back into his old room.  Nicky locked himself into number 5 and blasted out techno music, claiming that as it was his house he could do whatever he wanted.  The Street gathered round to gawp.  Don smashed a window to let himself in as the coppers arrived to deal with the noise.  He had the locks changed to keep the little toe rag out.  

THURSDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 29th September and 2nd October 1995

There was the return of a familiar face, as the King of Everton and the West End Bill Kenwright (owner of a quite magnificent head of hair) made a return to the Street as Gordon Clegg to see his new stepdad.  He asked Betty if Billy was his real dad; she said he wasn't, but didn't admit who was.  Leo tried to pressure Curly into resigning but he threatened to tell everyone about his rapey tendencies so he backed off.  Reg was confused.  Norris made it up with the Wiltons, buying them a new gnome and accompanying Don on his sales rounds.  Meanwhile Judy and Gary Mallett made their first appearance viewing the Duckworth's house.  I have a suspicion they may buy it.  But the big news was at the pub.  Stella Rigby (in her final appearance) told Bet that the brewery were selling half a dozen pubs, and the Rovers was one of them.  Bet was furious that nobody had the decency to tell her about it, and felt even more put out when Steve and Vicky returned from their honeymoon and didn't come back to stay on the Street.  It seemed her world was collapsing.

FRIDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 4th and 6th October 1995

Having given her the money for a deposit, Des helped Steph move into her new flat.  She told him they could make a new start but he turned her down.  Des had realised he didn't love her any more and he could finally move on.  (That was the last we ever saw of Steph, because Amelia Bullmore was too busy being ace in everything else to reappear).  He went back to Coronation Street and took his house off the market - much to the horror of Jack and Vera, who'd just agreed to sell their house to the Malletts.  The meatiest story of course was Newton & Ridley flogging the Rovers.  They gave Bet first refusal, but the £68,000 price tag was too much for her.  She despondently told the staff they'd need to look for a new job, and Raquel ended up crying on Curly's shoulder.  As the news spread throughout the Street the residents told Bet she'd find a way out of it... but the bank manager turned her down and things were looking desperate.  Rita came round to commiserate and over a bottle of booze they hatched an alternative plan: Rita would put up the money to buy the pub and Bet could run it.  What could possibly go wrong?

There are four more episodes of Bet left.  She's going to call Rita a clapped-out chorus girl on Monday, and disappear forever on Tuesday.  Join me on Twitter for a good sob @merseytart.  (Yes, these are definitely Bet's last episodes, because she never came back.  Never.  I refuse to be told otherwise).

Classic Corrie is on ITV3 weekdays from 14:50 and is also available on the ITV Hub.

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Saturday 30 May 2020

Corrie Comicals week ending 29 May 2020

Monday is the start of another day and Shona is back with us, well it is the same body but the mind is somewhere else.  The Paul Robeson Estate was where the Dog and Gun was located - along with Clayton, Callum and originally Gemma etc.  My apologies for implying recently that the estate had changed names - obviously the Hylda Baker estate is an entirely different estate to Paul Robeson.  Come to think of it what  a double act - Baker and Robeson - no I can't see it working either!  The first we actually knew of Shona was in a nightclub stealing David's wallet and having had a recent link to Nathan (boo! hiss!) although I always thought she was too old for him.

Waz standing in front of James has been making some stupid comments and no doubt thinking of recent events James decides to put him in his place.  I suspect Tommy Orpington was in on the reveal - given the environment this was a powerful statement - the issue is not going to be ducked.  I am sure Tony Warren would be proud.

Poor Tommy Orpington - he does not have the faintest idea who Kirk is until he explains their past - and all Tommy can remember is the time that Buzzer was entangled in the goal net.  It is all that anyone else remembers about Buzzer as well!  Poor Kirk.  And where is Tommy's hat - I thought he was addicted to hat wearing?

So there we have it.  Best computer whizz kid on the entire block is Bryn.  Capable of posting a vlog!  It is a bit far fetched and no doubt just like fat girl stuck in a turnstile it will go viral and Gemma will be lauded to the rooftops and back.  I honestly do not think he could reach the keyboard but I suppose anything is possible.

Friday was a new day and this amused me.  Tim has brought Steve into the hospital coming into shot from behind the ambulance so the car is presumably parked away to the far right somewhere (in a multi storey car park).  Tim is collecting Geoff, front of picture.  Tim wanders over to Geoff, checks he is ok to walk and they then start walking towards the camera shooting this view.  A totally different direction to where the car is parked.  Director not thinking straight!

Shona is visiting the Platt residence and so David has been hiding out a Roy's.  He decides that it is all wrong and the way for Shona to recover her memory is to see him in the family surroundings.  Roy has tried to stop him leaving several times and David eventually has a meltdown (above).  Roy's response is to merely indicated that David has left his coat on the back of his chair! 

Also on Friday Evelyn who suffers over exposure round here told Mary that they were merely acquaintances and she did not discuss her romantic life with mere acquaintances! 

Written by: Joe Turner (Monday); Emily Gascoyne (Wednesday); Owen Lloyd-Fox (Friday)
Directed by: Steve Finn (Monday & Wednesday & Friday)


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Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

You'd better come home, Speedy Gonzales.  David continued his adrenaline-seeking ways, running all over the place like a B-movie version of The Flash.  At least put some spandex on, Dave, make a show of it.  This week he riled up a load of scallies by fiddling with their bikes until they gave chase.  I don't know why he bothered.  If he'd just carried on loitering on a playground staring intently at passers by without a child of his own a frenzied mob of outraged parents would've soon been chasing after him with camera phones trying to put his picture on a PEEDO VIJILANTE Facebook page.  Instead, he got threatened by the lads, who chased him into a suspiciously deserted factory-slash-warehouse.  Here we got an appearance from one of my favourite incidental Corrie character tropes, the Member Of Staff Who Absolutely Refuses To Get Involved In The Drama.

This security guard saw a bunch of thugs barrelling into a restricted area on private property and couldn't even bring himself to shout "oi!".  Never mind actually doing your job; phone the police then head back to the CCTV room before your mug of tea gets cold.

Changing places are nice places to be.  Are Weatherfield County actually any good?  I really don't know.  On the one hand, their stadium was played by Gigg Lane, home to poor doomed Bury who thrash around in the lower leagues.  Also, their number one striker is Tommy Orpington who is - and how can I put this politely? - not exactly fresh out of the academy.  Kirk may have reckoned they were about to have their best league finish ever but that could be fourteenth in the Diadora League.  On the other hand, look at that changing room!  Admittedly my sum total knowledge of changing rooms is (a) the chilly brick cell at my high school with its stark wooden benches and tepid dribbling showers and (b) the output of a certain publisher that specialises in sport-themed art movies for homosexual gentlemen.  None the less I find it hard to believe that a bottom-rung football club would splash out on wood-effect cladding and special booths with feature lighting and - and this is the kicker - towels in the Wethy County colours.  That's a really unnecessary expense, fellas; even Liverpool use plain white ones, and their players use crumbled fifty pound notes as handkerchiefs. Maybe nip down to Dunelm and get yourself some basic plain towels and spend the money you save on a decent forward, eh?  Worse still, the players don't seem to understand how you use them.

This man seems to be wearing the towel while still in the shower.  That's just daft.  We were getting a glimpse into the behind the scenes at County because James was coming out to his teammates using the tried and tested "yeah, I may be gay, but I don't fancy you" method that's been seen in a dozen TV shows.  Nobody cared apart from that one man the rest of the team laughed at, of course, and James's worries about being dropped by the manager for vaguely threatening that bloke in the street a couple of weeks ago proved unfounded, so clearly homophobia in football has been defeated.  Hurrah!  (Also, Ray sacked the nasty manager of the Bistro, so racism is dead as well.  Double hurrah!)

Book now to avoid disappointment.  Did you know there's a version of The Odd Couple written for two women?   Felix becomes Florence and Oscar is Olive.  I only bring this up because we were treated to the rare sight of Liz and Gail having a chat about Eccles cakes in Wednesday's show and my imagination wandered.  Imagine Helen Worth as the uptight one and Bev Callard as the slob; stick that on at the Manchester Opera House and you'd have a hit on your hands.  I'd be first in line.  It's odd how little we see of Gail and Liz together, considering between them they've got about 70 years experience in the show.  You'd think people who'd been neighbours that long would have loads to talk about but the closest they ever got to a conversation was Gail ordering a white wine when Liz was behind the bar.  Mind you, I was surprised to see on Classic Corrie that Liz was the midwife at Rosie's birth in the back of Don's taxi and she's barely said two words to Sally in the intervening decades.  Maybe they're both too embarrassed to talk to one another since Liz has literally seen up her nancy.

Gail had a rum old week all round; she failed to persuade David to join her power walks with Audrey - if there are any Corrie writers reading, I would very much like to see this happen please - and then she copped the blame for Shona's escape.  Sarah-Lou said "mum's lost Shona", which makes David's wife sound like a spaniel who vanished on a stroll round Heaton Park, but more importantly, no she didn't.  All Gail did was point her in the direction of the garden - the therapist woman didn't advise her to lock all available exits because Shona was a flight risk.  Poor Gail, trodden upon by her awful kids once again.

Prison is not great for family reunions.  So yes, Shona's back!  Yay!  Admittedly she's still got amnesia which caused her great consternation when she saw how old her son was.  I absolutely agree with her; I find it hard to believe that someone as young as Julia Goulding could have sired Clayton as well.  Was she in primary school at the time?  Fortunately, after a few minutes of chat, Clayton dropped the act and proved he was an unpleasant little brat.  Now this may come as a shock to you, but I am not a qualified mental health professional, but I still can't help wondering if taking Shona to see someone who actually stabbed her in the past and not telling her about it was very wise.  I know she's got amnesia so you can pretty much get away with telling her anything but it seems unprofessional; there was a very good reason why Shona didn't want to see Clayton any more, and there's no harm in reminding her of it.  I hope she regains her memory soon so she can return to number 8 and go back to being lovely; I especially hope that her memory comes back via the method suggested by Sarah-Lou and David, where they crack her on the head and see what happens, because that would be pretty hilarious.

Those tech giants keep innovating.  This week we learned that Voggle, the venerable search agent favoured by the Street's residents, has branched out into video hosting.  You can't keep a good company down.  Unfortunately it sounds like they endure the same problematic commenters as YouTube in our world because the very first comment was about the size of her breasts.  Accurate.  Gemma was happier to hear from CaesareanSue1981 who found her vlog tremendously helpful - so much so, Gemma decided to make another video.

Unfortunately she got Chesney in as a cameraman and he filmed it in portrait.  I cannot tell you how irritated I am that we are in about the eight hundredth week of lockdown, pretty much all our television programmes and adverts have been filmed by amateurs on their phone, and yet people are still doing it in portrait and making it look rubbish on a widescreen telly.  Come on, Ches, use a bit of nous.  If nothing else this is an inconsistent format point for Gemma's page because the last video was in widescreen, though given she called it "Gemma's Vlog" I don't think she's exactly acing it with the branding.  (Now never make me write the word "vlog" ever again).

This week we got appearances from Tiana, Oliver and Harry, meaning it was a hat trick of Usually Invisible Children.  But who is the most invisible of the three?  Let me know on Twitter @merseytart.  (Actually that's a trick question: the most invisible child is Jake, who is less visible than a particularly shy chameleon).  

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Spot the Corrie prop - May 30th 2020

This week congratulations go to Susan who was the first person to guess that last week's nautical knick-knacks can be found in Roy's flat. Well done!

For this week's prop puzzle all you have to do is tell us whereabouts on the Coronation Street set you would find this crazy candlestick.

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