Sunday, 17 February 2013

Free Tyrone - and other nightmares

What is it with Coronation Street these days? Not content with giving us a watchable, well thought through plots featuring talented actors, they have to drain every last drop of believability and wring every last moment of drama out of any given situation. 

I speak of course about the ongoing Tyrone and Kirsty saga. What started out as a wonderful storyline highlighting the issue of domestic violence has now drifted somewhat off message with kidnappings and love trysts getting in the way of the original tale. 

Now of course we have the repetition of a once well-loved and trusted neighbour and friend being accused, tarnished and criminalised by all. We have seen this countless times before: Deirdre, Gail, Fiz, Carla... even Rita was accused when she caught Chesney shoplifting. Tyrone is the latest character to don the yellow prison tabard and face a drawn out, boring court case.

So, with this in mind I set off on a day dream imagining what I would do with the current crop of Coronation Street storylines should I find myself in the storyliners' hot seat. 

Let's start off with Tyrone and Kirsty. Of course I want Kirsty to be found out, but rather than see her burst into flames or jump off the viaduct, I'd like her to exit seeking therapy and help. Personally I would love to see characters like Eileen, Sally and Julie get their comeuppance! I think they all need a taste of their own medicine. And I would love to see Tyrone and Fiz settle down with their babies. I think they make a lovely couple and do deserve some happiness. 

Next, The Rovers Fire. I have come round to this idea as the pub does need updating. If two characters are to die, please let them be Sean and Karl. I lost patience with and all interest in Sean long ago and I think his character is very stale. So send him off. And as for Karl - he was promising on arrival but the Sunita affair debacle has weakened him beyond repair. Following the fire, I would install Sally as owner of the Rovers.

I think Stella really does need to leave. I wouldn't have her die in the Rovers fire though. I think we need a visit from Janice Battersby to see Stella off. Janice will always be Leanne's mum as far as I'm concerned. I would love to see Janice and Stella fight it out on the cobbles. St Ella of the Back Room would not stand a chance!

As for Sunita's departure, well I wouldn't kill her off. I loved her character before the powers that be turned her into the cheating emotional wreck we have witnessed over the past year. I think she deserves a dignified exit. I would send her off a reformed character, along with husband Dev (who, like most of the produce in the Corner Shop, has outlived his shelf life) and her children Aldi and Netto. I would love to see Dev's cousin Nita Desai return as a successful business woman and take over Dev's mini-empire.

Let's turn now to the story featuring the arrival of Faye's dad, Tim Metcalfe. I blogged last week that I was a fan of this character but questioned whether he was working for good and not for evil. If I had my way I would opt for a refreshing change and make him a nice character. That family already has a villain in Owen Armstrong. I would love Anna to ditch Owen and take up with Faye's real dad. If this also meant Joe Duttine stayed around for a longer stint, all the better.

Ah, the budding romance between Jenna and Sophie. I'm sorry Mr Producer, this still doesn't work for me. I do like Jenna and think she has terrific potential, but Sophie has gone right off the boil. As characters they are just not suited at all. I would love Jenna to go back and study to retrain as something else, not wasting that education mum Mandy is always banging on about. I don't have an issue with her being a lesbian - why not have her begin a relationship with someone she meets through her studies? I just think Sophie will drag her down. We need a smart, intelligent, educated woman on the street and Jenna is our best bet.


Finally, the Platt Powder keg that is Kylie, Nick and David. Of course Nick and Kylie's secret must be flushed out. All I would ask is that a DNA test is carried out and the baby Kylie is carrying turns out to be David's after all. It is implausible that the baby is automatically Nick's after one night of highly dubious passion. Please let David and Kylie work through their troubles and stay together. I don't want David going off the rails again. And I don't want Kylie dancing on any more tables. Too predictable. 

As for Nick and Leanne: it doesn't work, he's far too good for her. Split them up.


And finally, you'll notice I haven't mentioned the storylines involving Tracy and Rob and Katy and Ryan. There is very good reason for this. I don't care! If I was in charge, they'd all be in Street Cars out of Weatherfield long before any ginnel-based snogging action took place.


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21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Graeme, you are wasted as a blogger. We really need to get you a job as a script writer, and get Corrie back on track. Hope your leg is better.

bluegardenia said...

I agree Corrie has lost the plot literally. It's time for some educated storylines. The Tyrone and Kirsty story never had to happen as Tyrone could have asked for a simple blood test to get access to Ruby. Secondly, no one saw Tyrone abuse Kirsty and yet cops believe his nosy neighbours..however, Tina, Fiz and Tommy could all testify to seeing Tyrone with injuries...yet no one is talking to them. Corrie needs to get it's act together or it's going to lose viewers.

Anonymous said...

Watching the plot with Roy, Sylvia, Dennis and Ken only made me wish there were more scenes like this instead of the constant evil drama that is EE..I mean Coronation Street. The holes in some of the plots are so big you could drive a truck through them. Nick and Kylie..both wake up the next morning and neither of them remember doing the dirty deed? She finds out in about 3 days that she's pregnant and it could be Nick's. Please. Also..Fiz..would someone please lock that thing away. It's just the same John Stape prison scene except it's Tyrone banged up. The same dialogue, same Fiz mewling and wailing and of course Ty will be all stoic and tell her she 'has to move on with her life' over and over.
Whatever happened to the wizard Dr. Carter. He actually told Ty that Kirsty had missed her therapy appointment..there must be a record somewhere.

Norris needs to come out..that would be a good story...at his late age.

Anonymous said...

bluegardenia said...Corrie needs to get it's act together or it's going to lose viewers.
Well Collinson just points to the viewing figures and pats himself on the back that everyone is watching his "sensational"storylines.
However I think part of the reason the viewing figures are so high is that the die-hard Street viewers still watch every episode in the hope that things will get better and are being disappointed with very few exceptions each episode.
Didn't Tina and Tommy go to the police but as they had no pictures to prove their claims against Kirsty the police ignored them.
How is it that with Kirsty having been fired from the police for her actions against Tina and her abuse of her position when she illegally searched the council man's office her records seem to be unavailable to the officers investigating her claims of abuse by Tyrone.

sf67 said...

Oh Graeme, you've hit the mark bang on and I share the exact same sentiments. Corrie has lots is way, save the ratings which I believe is really those fascinated with watching a train wreck in progress. I love all of the actors on the show, but its the writing staff that need a good shake with their recycled story lines that edge on the realm of implausible. GRAEME FOR LEAD CORRIE WRITER!!

Stephen said...

I have to disagree with you on some points, though I agree entirely with one or two.

As I've said before in a comment, I look forward to Kirsty's come-uppance (and I think she'll merely take Roobeh and disappear - preferably forever) but what's more important in the long run is Tyrone's innocence proven. I agree that Kirsty's current supporters, who have cruelly turned on Tyrone (&, by extension, Fiz), have to eat crow, but they'll only do that if there is no doubt at all about his innocence.

I disagree with your opinions on Sean and Karl. I love how Sean can be catty one moment and wonderfully vulnerable the next. The scene in the gay bar, when he had met some interesting people and wanted Marcus to meet them too, was fantastic. He's far too multidimensional to leave.

Karl also still has some potential, as someone who tries to do the right thing, be the best he can be, but succumbs to his demons. Let's see him do something selflessly heroic, if only in a small way that only he and we will see.

And why the beef with Stella? She's a lot better than bloody awful Ryan or smirking Rob. And as for Tracy Barlow, who is tiringly one-dimensional... I still think there's some mileage in Dev, too, who is unfairly maligned here.

I agree about Sunita. Her fate in the fire is a bit drastic, but perhaps she wants to leave for good.

I like Tim Metcalfe. He's a blank slate at the moment, with much potential. However, I think that the villain in FayE's family is FayE herself, rather than Owen, who's being painted, at the moment, as a knee-jerk bully, when he is more rounded than that. FayE is a contentious, selfish little turd of a child. This month, she wants to spend time with her dad and is being a snot about it because Anna is sensibly wary. A year ago, FayE rebelled enough to pour creosote into the fish pond. Next month she'll want something else enough to again be a disobedient little snot. And the month after, it'll be something else again. I see another Tracy Barlow in the making.

I agree with you about Sophie and Jenna. It's a dead-end story, cooked up for the sake of having a trendy lesbian relationship in Corra (yawwwn...). Jenna is a lovely character and it would be great to see her aim at another career since her perfectly good one was wrecked by Sophie's teenaged selfishness.

And finally, yes, Tyrone and Fiz belong together with their two little tots - though Kirsty will take Roobeh. Please lets see them have a long, loving relationship.

Flaming Nora said...

Aldi and Netto - love it!

Dolly Tubb said...

The Tyrone/Kirsty abuse and its ridiculous ending is turning out a bit like the Maria/Frank attempted rape storyline. It's a very serious issue, bravely and well written and sensitively acted, but then put through the wringer to extract every last, possible emotional rollercoaster/blockbuster/journey (delete as applicable)drop out of it. It makes a mockery of what is a powerful story with a serious social message. I have really loved seeing Kirsty develop and become so scary but vulnerable, and Tyrone out of his depth and in a really terrifying place, but now I just want the whole sorry story over and done with, which is a shame and not the legacy that Natalie Gunmede deserves.

Humpty Dumpty said...

Graeme, whole-heartedly agree with what you say but you don't mention Peter and Carla. I got fed up a long time ago with the love square and can only hope that if the Carla character remains, she takes a very low profile for a while. Similarly with Leanne.

The domestic violence story is predicatably going the same way as the Alzheimer's one. Great acting by the main character but ruined by a totally gratuitous love affair. So many holes in this storyline which many viewers would have allowed if the end justified the means. Too stupid for words to bring Fiz in as a lover so early on.

I'm suspicious of the viewing figures system - BARB - as it takes no account of how many of us fast forward or go off and make the tea when Tracy is on? The system doesn't encourage quality writing.

Last point in this rant is Faye and co. I've lost all sympathy with Anna who thinks love conquers all. The nature v nurture discussion in adoption seems to have by-passed her. Faye has some of her birth parents' characteristics which Anna may not have encountered before. It can also happen that an adopted child chooses to sabotage their placement because they feel their individual personality is being eroded to fit in with their adoptive family. Clear as the nose on your face that Faye needs counselling,as well as the whole family having therapy. To me, that's more interesting than watching punch-ups. I hope this current storyline hasn't put off people considering adopting an older child.

Time for cup of tea.

Jackie said...

Great post!

Totally agree about David and Kylie. I want the baby to be David's.

I also agree about Nick and Leanne. Nick is too good for her but she should NOT bounce back to Peter. I like him with Carla.

Anonymous said...

Roy, Sylvia, Dennis and Ken.....

snore...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............

Anonymous said...

Vote for Sean to go down flaming in the fire.

Graeme N said...


Anonymous and sf67: Thank you for your kind comments! Gosh, I would love to write for Corrie, but I'd worry the power of it would go to my head! I love my blogging, and Granada know where to find me ;0P

Graeme N said...


Stephen - thanks for your comments. You make many valid points here.

I can see Karl could be brought back from the brink but it would take a lot of work, given the current state of his character.

I'm afraid I will never agree with you about Sean. I am firmly in the Marcus camp (if you pardon the expression). Sean is completely one-dimensional as far as I'm concerned and has been treading water for ages.

Stella - I don't have anything against Michelle Collins or her acting abilities I just don't think her character has ever fitted in. She was forced into nearly every scene from the start and we were never given a proper chance to warm to her. She's just too bland.

Dev is a character I have always disliked as I think he is overplayed and most of the stories he has appeared in have been tedious in the extreme.

We do agree about Ryan, Rob and Tracy though!

Each to their own though, so keep your comments coming!

Anonymous said...

I agree with that Leanne and Nick can't last but its Leanne who is too good for Nick he's a slimy little weasel and how he handled the situation proves it. Plus Peter and Carla are either depressing or dull so I wish they would break up. Honestly I think I would get rid of Carla beofre anyone else on this list I'm sick of her same three storylines(I'm wondering how their going to have Peter try and kill her) over and over again while she never learns anything or changes at all just mopes around expecting everyone to feel sorry for her.

Tracy has so much history I think a soap personality transplant would actually be useful. I wish they let her and Peter together more often they really bring the better sides of each other, most of the time I think Collinson fogets they're related.

In the real world a judge would probably believe both Tyrone and Kirsty and she would be forced to admit the truth to prevent Ruby from ending up in care. Of course that's not "explosive" enough for Collinson so Kirsty will probably drive into the canal with Ruby only for Peter to dive in at the last minute and save Ruby.

Affairs are such a pat storyline at this point its like paint by numbers I would love to see something else on my screen.

Stella is dull and sure as hell no landlady and I like your idea of Janice seeing her off.

CanadianLovesCorrie said...

Great post and I can't agree with you more! I also think that Nick is too good for Leanne and that terrible relationship should implode immediately. However, I'd actually like to see Kylie and Nick hook up, only because I've come to like both of them as of late and think Kylie has loads of potential.

Speaking of potential, Jenna certainly has loads of that but will not be able to realize it with Sophie around her neck like a millstone. If they stay together, please let Jenna inspire Sophie to do something productive with her life and to develop a mature personality. Please, oh please?

I would love to see either Sally or Gail as landlady of the Rovers. We need a complete change up and their uppity attitudes and general falling for the wrong man stuff would make for some interesting interaction with the locals.

Anonymous said...

I'd love to see Tim turn out to be a good guy and that he replaces Owen in Anna's life and brings her back from the dark (and crazy) side! Another great character ruined by a ridiculous storyline.

Janice. said...

If Owen were to perish in fire it would be apt. Jason is a rival builder, we do not need two. Anna and Faye have Tim so not needed there either. Neither Katie nor Izzy need him. In fact if Tina surrogacy were to have a twist (unusual in a soap) Owen's bullying can be replaced with genuine drama.

Anonymous said...

Humpty Dumpty - I'm with you on the tedious love square. The writers need to LET IT GO. However, I for one, love Peter and Carla together. I hope the writers make the most of this couple, and by that I don't mean recycle storylines. There are so many directions they could take the characters in.

Their storylines should be about character development not going round in circles - which will inevitably result in the characters going back to square one.

Jenna and Sophie are just not working.

I think Faye would love it if her mum and real dad got together. Poor Owen. NOT.

I agree with you Graeme. :)

Anonymous said...

Great post thankyou for voicing our opinions. Can anyone tell me do the writers or this series and producers ever read the comments of viewers. All very well getting top points for viewers but as one said above we fast forward through the parts that are all too embarrassing to watch - and stop start when a piece comes on we have to view. Watched an episode from 2005 on one of our local tv channels and great writing Ken coming home drunk and finding the reading group in his lounge room and telling Blance where was her knitting as she should be sitting with it at the front of guillotine whitty dialogue.lets hope some old magic will appear on the screens soon.

Anonymous said...

Instead of yet another free the innoce4nt Corrie character campaign, we should have a MAKE GRAEME SCRIPT EDITOR campaign.

There is hardly anyone on the street who hasn't taken a trip in a Black Moria now, deserved or not. Too much crime, too many affairs, too many babies, too few interesting stories and characters.

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