Sunday, 30 December 2012

Coronation Street predictions for 2013

Another fab guest post from Coronation Street Blog reader Anna Kalinski who is on twitter @annakalinski  

Well you don't have to be Nostradamus to have seen this "shock" coming on Coronation Street.

What would come as a "shock” to most of us would be if ITV cleaned up their act. There must be some sort of Random Soap Plot Generator out there on the internet, into which the writers input a list of cast members. It obviously generates some automated script print-out with the character names inserted in, y’know, like one of those emails I so often get, saying things like: ‘Anna, have you thought about how our innovative investment fund managers can help you further develop your offshore investments?’ A computer error. Not designed for me, but with my name on it, still. I mean, there can’t be any sort of sentient being involved with the production these scripts, can there, as surely somebody would picked up on it and have intervened by now?

Things hit a new low when, on Christmas day, my brother - who doesn't even watch Coronation Street nor knows Nick Tilsley from Adam (Rickitt) - saw about ten minutes of the Xmas day episode and said, "It’s obvious anyway that he (Nick) won’t get married and will probably end up going off with her (Kylie) at the end of the episode.” Argh. I was almost too embarrassed to defend Corrie.

And now we've predicted the whole pregnancy storyline long before it happened, we’re being teased with the exciting Platt family spoiler. (See what I did there? Teased? Spoiler? Tried to add in a sense of excitement and sensationalism for you? Oh, gimme a break...)

Earlier this week, Inside Soap Magazine lifted the lid on the big new storyline, with Ben Price who plays Nick revealing that 2013 will yield “a shock development early in the year” which “lights a fire under everything.”

Viewers can expect another explosive storyline that will rock the stree--
(Er- hello? Wake up there, you - nodding off at the back- give him a nudge…)

We often say on this blog that “we could have seen it coming” but now’s the time to get it on record. So, what are your personal long-range predictability predictions for Corrie 2013? Place your bets please, place your official ‘told you so’ bets, right in the comment box below.

Think: the Platt family, pregnancy, Kirsty/Tyrone, Carla/Peter/Leanne/Nick-- or the surroga--

(-Ooops, sorry, nearly nodded off myself for a second there...)

What's it gonna be? If you’re finding it difficult, try to ask a small child what they think will happen next. No, on second thoughts, that’s a silly idea. You know how imaginative and creative children can be…

The winner wins.... well, just wins, really, as a winner is wont to do.

I mean, there’s no prize. I've got nothing here for you; you've caught me on the hop. It’s after Christmas, we've got nothing in, save for some sausage rolls in cling film, a chutney/world cheese gift pack and my opened tin of Quality Street which (as I’m on the subject) in a freak manufacturing incident did not include any orange creams so has to be retained for evidence. Which incidentally, reminds me I should really write that letter of complaint. If it goes well, they'll send me a good few cases, I’d imagine, so the winner can have one of those. Can’t say fairer than that. I’ll shame them on Facebook. Always works.

"Dear Quality Street,
Each year, my elderly, frail grandmother, who is also partially sighted, hobbles down to the local shops to fetch back a 1kg tin of so–called "Quality” Street, against all medical advice. She’s on her own now, bless her, and particularly likes the orange cream variety and always remarks that such sweets make her Christmas. So, imagine her disappointment and abject confusion when on Christmas morning I had to repeatedly explain to my tearful and distressed 86- year-old grandmother that...."

(Read it and weep, Nestlé. More controversy, eh? The orange creams are on me. )

In the meantime, the only spoiler round here is Phil Collinson. He’ll probably try and enter this competition, but with his predictable storylines, that’d be considered cheating. Fear not. He wouldn’t even get one of the always- left- over knobbly brown Quality Street out of me with his carry on.

Place your bets…

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16 comments:

Mrs Barton said...

I agree Flaming Nora, I love Corrie but they really seem to have run out of ideas :( NEW PRODUCER NEEDED, STAT!

Anonymous said...

I had an overwhelming sense of deja-vu on Xmas with Leanne and Peter's wedding..sorry Leanne and NICK's wedding. Actually this past year has been a lot of re-hashed plots .. they just switched up the characters. We have another character hooked up to life support to look forward to and edge of your seat drama wondering if she's going to pull through.
I would really like to see the new producer get rid of the old "boys club' mentality..characters are still there because they've always been there so they dare not get rid.Why is Tracy B still a character? Why did she not have to pay for murdering her boyfriend. Now, the message is clear..being on the pill will not prevent you from getting pregnant so what's the use of taking it. I suppose the writers will have Kylie mumble some mundane line about taking antibiotics so the pill isn's as effective or some such garbage.
The new year looms and I for one won't be tuning in if all they're going to do is write more of the same twaddle.\
Thanks for letting me rant!!

Humpty Dumpty said...

It depends whether you believe in the conspiracy or c***-up theories in life. I'm beginning to really think Phil Collinson was *encouraged* to leave before his contract was up and he's ensuring the biggest mess possible is inherited by the next producer.

As this blog is about predictions (and this is really a wish), April onwards will see these current storylines blown out of the window. The surrogacy story will collapse in a heap and it will be as though it never happened. Lewis will return to gloat over the trouble he's caused but won't stay long. Carla will leave Weatherfield without Peter. The remainder of the year will be a will they/won't they reconcile? story for him and Leanne. Nick probably also leaves (as part of the new producer's cull on characters)but Kylie stays.

My main prediction is that the producers realise they will have to fork out for better writers. More female writers will be engaged and that it will give storylines a whole new perspective.

Anonymous said...

I would like to see those two scum bags Tracy and Peter get together. They are not related by blood and are both dirty to the bone so why not? What a scandal!!LOL

Anonymous said...

I got such a kick out of this, I'm tempted to replace Granny's chocolates myself. I agree with Humpty that Mr. Collinson is trying to leave such a mess behind that it will never be sorted. Best of luck to the new guy.

Anonymous said...

I really don't think Collinson is trying to ruin the show before leaving. He is just doing what he has always done and green light stories that will make good headlines. Brother sleeps with his brother's wife is a great headline. Look at how it is described: a shock that means the Platt family will never be the same again. Just like the street would never be the same again after the tram crash.

Until ITV realises that long term viewers are brought in by friends telling other friends "Coronation Street is great at the moment", not by tabloid headlines, this is not going to change.

Mrs. Collinson. said...

Here you go again, trashing my dear Phil. Every since he was a little boy all he has ever done is bring a bit of sparkle and excitement to our humdrum lives. Why, one Christmas he set fire to the outhouse during dinner. How was he to know Grandpa was in there. He'd spread rumors at school that this girl or that one was pregnant. I think the teachers over reacted when they suspended him. He was only trying to bring some drama. Why, he used to dress in my clothes sometimes just to give us all a laugh. And that is what he has done his time on Corrie. Give my boy a break.

Anonymous said...

David's going to go nuts again and end up either killing himself or doing something so horrible that he'll be sent off to prison.

That's my prediction, anyway. I can see him being so distraught at finding out the truth and losing everything, that he doesn't think straight and accidentally burns himself alive or something. Sarah and her daughter coming back could be for his funeral.

Or he tries to kill Nick, fails and ends up injuring Kylie so she loses the baby (which she'll have tested and proven to be his *right* before this). So he goes away for attempted murder, and loses both Kylie and his kid.

Anonymous said...

Well, My storyline prediction: bethany returns hiv positive - two rumours with one stone!

Anonymous said...

You should deffo mentionn to Quality Street folk that your partially sighted grandmother is disabled and suffering from dementia, diabetes and an ingrown toe nail.

Anonymous said...

I look forward to the new producer. I just hope he has the stones to blow out the cobwebs and clear the deck, returning Corrie to something viewers look forward to tuning in to each week! The upside is that he doesn't have to try hard to improve things.

Beth said...

When is Phil C leaving exactly? When will his stories be expired on screen and the new producers be in place?

If Kylie's baby is Nick's (which it most probably will be) a better story will be if we found this out a few years down the line. These things are best when they are left ticking away for a while. Child needs medical assistance or something which will make it obvious as to who is the father.... But not now, say when the child is around 3 or 4. Everything has to be immediate and explosive now in soap land.

Kat said...

I would just like to congratulate you on another laugh-out-loud blog. I am loving reading these Anna. You should replace Sharon Marshall on This Morning!

Corrie really is becoming quite a bore these days. The usually long-awaited and much anticipated christmas corrie was a damp squib. It was utter garbage. The very unexciting highlight for me was Kevin Webster being called a "desperado" by Jenna!!! I think you'll agree- a pretty lame highlight for christmas day corrie!

I must say I am enjoying the Tyrone/Kirsty story line but that's it.

Here's hoping 2013 is a huge improvement on the sorry script writing that has been 2012 Corrie!!

Anonymous said...

What do you expect from the formula?

*insert name* marries/sleeps with/kills/cheats on/divorces/has a baby with/punches/swindles/robs *insert name*

Anonymous said...

It's easy to tell that Tyrone is being set up for a massive fall, which will take place *after* he marries Kirsty. With all the moments in the past months with people in the street seeing what looks like Tyrone abusing / yelling at Kirsty, he's going to be painted as a monster once he inevitably goes to court.

Not only will he be charged with kidnapping, but all other sorts of trumped-up charges so when (not if) he's found guilty, he'll end up going to prison for a very long time. They're reusing the Fiz storyline but with Tyrone incarcerated in her place, and she'll be fighting to get him out.

I can see Kirsty literally beating herself up when Tyrone takes off with Ruby, and then says that he tried to kill her while showing off her cuts and bruises. The dumbass cops will of course take her at her word and not even investigate anything, of course.

And since this will take place after they're married, this means Kirsty will be living in Tyrone's house and spending his money (and will probably sell his part in the garage) while he's in prison. I'd love for some dead body to be found in concrete or something which would turn out to be an ex-boyfriend of Kirsty's that "disappeared".

Regardless, we all know Kirsty's eventually going to be killed off and that Fiz and Tyrone will end up together raising their kids.

Anonymous said...

So we know now that tina isn't coming back to corrie, which narrows down the plot somewhat. That is. Pretty much a full years worth of fairly ok corrie script, which probably has more thought put into it than that writers!

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