Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

It'll be lonely this Christmas, lonely and cold.  Here is a list of people more likely to help Rita feed an old lady's cat than Ryan:

• literally everyone else in Weatherfield.

It was all a bit contrived, wasn't it?  Ok, Jenny had allergies, so she couldn't do it, but how about her husband?  Or former lodger Paul?  Or good-hearted friend Mary?  Or one of the many, many, many other people Rita has befriended over nearly fifty years of living on the Street?  This is all so we can get an "old people are lonely at Christmas" storyline, which would be fine if they hadn't picked one of the most popular, outgoing characters on the show.  Rita would be batting away invites for a festive lunch.

It also meant that Gail, for some unfathomable reason, was rude to Rita and demanded that she work in the Kabin instead of her.  Does that sound like the behaviour of a woman who has been a friend and neighbour to Rita for decades?  No, it doesn't.  It sadly undercut the actual thrill of seeing Gail employed in the shop, because I think it's about the only business in the Street where she hasn't worked before.  

Good things happen to good people.  Emma and Seb hooked up this week and it was all quite lovely.  Not everything has to be DRAMA; we don't need explosions and murders all the time.  It's actually just as interesting to watch two nice characters played by good-looking talented actors have little chats about Iron Maiden and eclairs and be generally charming.  Of course, we know that Alina Pop! (I've decided that name deserves an exclamation mark) is on her way back to the show, so presumably Emma's going to get her heart broken, which is very disappointing.  Ah well.  I'll just have to transfer my loyalties to the other delightful couple in the show this week, Mary and Huw from EastEnders:  

I mean he's probably gayer than Rock Hudson doing the YMCA in a San Francisco bath house but appearances can be deceptive.  Mary had a thing for Norris after all so she clearly has a fondness for gloriously camp gentlemen.  Let's have a lovely Spring wedding for the pair with an elaborate over-choreographed first dance.

Vicky might be concerned about wheelchair access at her wedding.  Michelle standing up Robert at the altar was the most interesting these characters have been in years, with that joke about autocorrect changing "aces" to "access" being laugh-out-loud funny.  Also funny was Robert describing Michelle as the sun round which he orbits, which is exactly how Michelle thinks the universe works, and Billy just standing there the whole time while his church was turned into an episode of The Jeremy Kyle Show.  It did go downhill after that, as we got a very glamorous-looking DS MacKinnon stalking the cobbles looking for Vicky and Robert sleeping in his van even though that's his flat, not Michelle's, but it was fun while it lasted.  It also brought us a bevy of Amazing Jenny Bradley Faces, from her discovering they were serving prosecco, not champagne:

to her reaction to the Vicky revelations:

Even Jenny's Hat was amazing, and got its own moment in the sun at the ad break.

But of course, the best moment of this whole storyline was Michelle announcing she was going to sell the Bistro and leave Weatherfield.  Get a move on, will you?

Super-sperm strikes again.  I know much is made about Steve's prodigious fathering talents, with his three children by three different women, but it's not actually that bad.  They were spaced out over twenty-odd years and when he found out about them he did his best to be a good dad.  Gary, meanwhile, has apparently done exactly the same thing in less than half the time, and his children are non-existent.  Maria asked him what he was doing for Christmas and he said he "hadn't thought about it" - well, put some thought into it, and when you're going to see your boys over the holidays.  Considering they went to all that effort to get a surrogate, Izzy and Gary barely even mention Jake, never mind actually bringing him onscreen, while Zack is off in Bristol being ignored.  I hope Maria isn't planning on him being a hands-on father, because he'd much rather skulk round ginnels and look moody in a lock-up than change nappies.  

Sinead isn't going anywhere.  You think the life of an actor is incredibly glamorous and fun, all awards ceremonies and larking about and rolling around in money.  You forget it is also hard work.  Case in point: poor Katie McGlynn up there, who clearly spent an entire day on the set staring into a webcam while made up to look as unsexy as possible, filming video after video after video so they can insert it into the show when necessary.  She must've been bored out of her skull, and I hope she gets paid well every time they use one of the videos.  We saw a little glimpse of one of the videos this week, which she had apparently recorded on the off-chance that Bertie fell over and hurt himself.  I'm impressed by the depth of preparation she went to, and I wonder what other eventualities she prepared for.  "Hello Bertie - I hear that you've been appointed Director General of the BBC."  "Hello Bertie - I understand aliens have invaded and you've been enslaved in the mines."  "Hello Bertie - Daddy tells me that you've been bitten by a werewolf and will consequently transform into a raging hellbeast every full moon.  Just know that Mummy is thinking of you the whole time in heaven."  (Also, I don't know if Daniel is reading this, but just in case: BACK THAT DAMN LAPTOP UP, RIGHT NOW, SEVERAL TIMES).

Perhaps the most shocking revelation in this week's Corrie was the news that the Bistro has a five star hygiene rating.  This seems incredibly unlikely given how terrible everyone is at running that place and how many complete strangers wander in and out of that kitchen.  If you have the number for Weatherfield Environmental Health please let me know on Twitter @merseytart.

---

---

All original work on Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License