It's a Weatherfield mess tonight as Nick attempts to rent an empty lot in the arches to set up Bistro 2: This Time It's Personal, in order to have a go at Robert. To be honest, if, despite Robert's burgeoning alcoholism, the original Bistro is full on a Monday lunchtime, I think there's enough trade to go around. Leanne thinks it would be a disaster to open up next door, and she should know about those, having once torched her own restaurant for the insurance. Nasty Nick, not content with this wind-up, tips off the coppers about Robert drink-driving a catering order to a client (ever heard of Uber?) and ends up with a fine and a twelve month ban. Zeedan, meanwhile, can't stand the heat and gets out of the kitchen, after the most cheffy argument ever. Don't cry over burnt canapés, Zee! But it's Nick who suffers when Leanne finds out about his crafty plans and refuses to go into business, or indeed have anything more to do with him. Interestingly, he is prepared to own up to the fact that his hatred for Robert motivated him to do his dark deeds, but Leanne is not ready to confess her incipient baby-bump.
It was Steph who discovered that it was Nick who phoned 999 - with this and her detective work re: Leanne's pregnancy, maybe she should join the police rather than Craig, who has trouble with his application to join the force. "Do you want them by year or alphabetically?" asks Beth when Craig asks her to list Tinker family convictions. "If we were on Who Do You Think You Are, it would be a Strangeways Special," he complains about his errant relatives, although I do hope we get to meet The Gogglebox Four one day.
Craig is pretty keen on this idea, even having learned the full Police Caution, but Beth tries to put him off, claiming that the world will always need window cleaners and graffiti artists, even trying to convince him to join the RAF instead. "You used to make great paper planes!" Kirk thinks Craig would do well: "You'll be tasering shoplifters in no time." Having discovered that it's only immediate family convictions that matter, Craig finishes his application and gives it to Beth to post who almost, but not quite, puts it in the bin. She's obviously hiding something - will Craig use his detective powers to work out what? This is a fun storyline, but what about Craig's plans for art school? Did that go out the window when stroppy goth Caitlin McGuinness dumped him?
Fay(e), meanwhile, will hopefully never join the police force, given she shot Tim in the back "for desertion" during paintball. Tim is doubly annoyed in this ep when he finds out Phelan, in an attempt to butter up Councillor Metcalfe, used his equipment to put up some shelves for Sally's office. You should never touch another man's tools! Phelan knows how to work a scam: you have to go through the proper channels and he starts to convince Sally about the new flats. Todd is onto him though; he doesn't yet know that the development will never be built, but he is sure that Pat is after Jason's £65K. I prefer this war of attrition to Robert v Nick: the players are more evenly matched, it's about cunning rather than macho posturing, and the stakes are higher than Nick's rather petty revenge fantasies.
Jenny has already won the war against Eva without Eva ever having known it was being waged. Despite Sinead's fantasy of glamour couple Eva and Aidan breakfasting with croissants and cafetière, Eva claims it's more tea and toast. She hints to Aidan about them moving in together but Aidan isn't keen, hoping instead to bribe her with a three and a half star hotel, "some spa rubbish" and a bottle of Prosecco. He knows how to treat a girl right, right?
His dad is also after another roll in the hay stockroom. Jenny, having been round the block more times than Eva, is less interested in subtle and more into manipulation, planting the acorn that quickly grows into an oak tree as she nicks Eva's idea to rent Carla's old flat and by the end of the episode, "Mr Connor" has a key to Victoria Court. Unfortunately for Eva, it's the wrong Mr Connor. I do hope Jenny likes watching Game of Thrones, although I see Johnny more as Foyle's War kind of chap.
Rachel Stevenson - on twitter
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