Saturday, 9 February 2019

Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

Scousers here, Scousers there, Scousers every ****ingwhere.  It's always a pleasure to see comedy stalwart Victor McGuire back on our screens; it was a shame was he didn't get a scene with Cathy, thus reuniting Jack Boswell with Aveline Mark II.  The real problem was here was it was a Liverpudlian actor turning up in the show and, of course, he was dodgy as hell.  Can we stop doing this?  I wrote a blog about it on this very site five years ago and we're still only getting Scousers when there's something bad happening.  Big Garth's appearance comes hot on the heels of Marcia and her thick Merseyside accent beating seven bells out of Sally, while the soil has barely settled on Pat Phelan's grave after years of causing havoc.  Add into that Evelyn telling Tyrone that when his mum disappeared to Liverpool she came back a drug addict and Clayton wanting to be moved to an open prison in the city (fact: the nearest open prison to Manchester is Thorne Cross, near Warrington).  Let's have a nice, wholesome Scouser for a change, eh, Corrie?  Hilda and Len were both from Liverpool, and they were great.  Bring in David Morrissey as a homeless outreach worker.  Paul O'Grady as a kennel worker.  Kate Robbins as a friend for Mary.  Anyone.

Don't bring your morals into Get A GroomYou'd think that, after so recently reuniting and rediscovering their passion, Nicky and Leanne would only have eyes for one other.  Apparently not as Nicky spent most of Wednesday's episodes trying to hire a buxom hair stylist for their increasingly horrific looking barbershop (table football?  A stuffed weasel?  Urgh.)  Poor Jessica was smiling and enthusiastic and immediately marked down as an 8.5; that missing 1.5 was presumably because her outfit had absolutely no hint of cleavage.  Both of Gail's boys were absolutely gross throughout, sniggering behind their hands and gleefully telling their niece of their plans to exploit women for their physical attributes.  That would be the same niece who spent much of 2017 being sexually exploited by pervy men, so well done on the sensitivity front.  It all collapsed when Leanne and Shona intervened, though all they did was a little public humiliation, rather than, say, kneeing them in the crotch and leaving them incapable of rubbing themselves over interviewees in future.  Hopefully the next applicant is a woman who looks like a hot water heater in a pac-a-mac and they have to employ her to stop Imran starting a class action sexual harassment suit.

You can forget your roots.  Looking at Rita granting Brian an audience in her gracious drawing room, it was easy to mistake her for a minor member of the Royal Family - one of the Kents, perhaps.  All that white wood and artfully placed crystal and flowers; it's like she went up to the mezzanine level at Weatherfield Dunelm and said "I'll take it all!".  Poor Brian up there is one step away from genuflecting.  It's easy to forget that when our Reet started in the show she was a singer-slash-dancer who was living over the brush with a married man, and she spent much of the early Seventies in tight spangly outfits being a sort of Northern Shirley Bassey.  Now she's one step away from being carried round the Street on a sedan chair.  In Friday's episode she even affected ignorance about what a "Snakebite" was.  You don't fool me, Rita - if Bet Lynch came back to town and spat "pals" at you again you'd have leapt over the counter at the Kabin and ripped out her extensions before anyone could say "clapped out chorus girl".

Roy now serves apple slices in peanut butter.  Bless him.  He has a successful cafe that serves up nothing but grease, fried food and cakes, but now there's a Costa down the road he's decided to try something a bit more healthy and wholesome to get the Yummy Mummies in.  I'll stick with a bacon barm, ta.

Emma is a treasure.  To be honest, I could've made every single one of these Five Things about Alexandra Mardell and her delightful creation Emma, because she continues to be one of the best things to happen to the show in years.  She started the week with Chesney, still, and helping him to rescue Gemma by turning in a spectacular performance as his over-enthusiastic fiance.

When their scam was finally discovered Garth referred to her as "Dame Judi Dench", a comparison she was thrilled by. (Imagine if Emma decided to go into acting.  It could be like Raquel's attempts to be a model, only with dreams of Mother Courage at the National being downgraded to "chorus girl in the local am dram Dick Whittington".) 

She followed up her award-needing performance with a selflessly classy act, stepping aside so that Chesney and Gemma could have a big slobbery kiss.  This is good news all round: if Gemma has Chesney's tongue in her mouth she can't do any shouting (seriously, when you're locked in the back of a van and afraid of discovery, try whispering instead of bellowing) and Emma can go on to find a boyfriend who appreciates her brilliance.  By the end of the week she was behind the bar of the Rovers, admittedly in a very ad hoc fashion, but it was still wonderful to see.  I love you Em; you should be in every scene, calling gravy "a hug from the inside" and overcharging Cathy for two small orange juices.  Long may you reign.

Thankfully, this week also saw the end of Johnny and Jenny's aggro.  Hopefully this means he'll start treating her like the Queen she is.  Celebrate with the author over on Twitter @merseytart.

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amanda50 said...

My feelings precisely,thanks for a brilliant piece of writing Scott.I'm so fed up with the Liverpudlian stereotypes on Corrie, it's embarrassing to watch.I wish Lloyd would come back.On the other hand, Emma is a breath of fresh air and a joy to behold in her fluffy pink coat.I hope she finds someone who worships the cobbles she walks on, because she deserves so much better than Chesney.

Unknown said...

Agree with all of the above. I too adore Emma, she's a breath of fresh air and sees the best in everybody. She needs a nice lad to treat her like a queen. Johnny and Jenny continue to be magnificent also. Long may they rule the Rovers. Scousers do get bad press however, do the writers not consider obvious stereotypes? Come on Corrie script writers this is lazy writing and we know you're better than this!

Anonymous said...

Tyrone's mum was a scouser too!

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