Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

There's a place for everything.  They're rushed off their feet at Webster's Auto Centre, probably because they still haven't replaced Abi.  (Ok, we get you don't want to take her back, Kev, but I'm sure that there are other unemployed grease monkeys in the Greater Manchester area).  That doesn't mean you should let standards slip.  That board up there has carefully marked out spots for the spanners and not one of them is in the right place.  Just looking at it is making my OCD itch; if I'd been Dev I'd have had to stop the conversation dead so I could sort them out.  Put things back where you got them from, Ty, you lazy swine.  No wonder you need help looking after that tiny little child if you can't even be bothered to match your tools up properly.

Accidents will happen.  It was another Stunt Week, as Peter's boat went up in flames and he carried out a one man rescue mission to drag Simon out of the cabin.  Not to belittle his achievement or anything but the crowd gasped at his jump from Underworld's balcony like he'd performed the bungee jump from the start of GoldenEye rather than dropping about six inches.  His derring-do meant that Simon survived, the boy's incredibly clever idea of "closing the door and hoping for the best" having inconceivably failed to work.  The real star moment was in a casual line of dialogue dropped by Gail, where she revealed she'd taken Max and Lily "over the back fence" the minute she realised there was a fire.  Now that I would've liked to see: Gail haring down the lawn in her dressing gown then toppling over the wood one pyjama'd leg at a time.

The mystery of who was responsible for the fire wasn't really a mystery at all - I'm sure we all recognised those slacks knocking the lamp over - though Carla is doing her best to keep it all hidden, for some reason.  I'm not entirely sure why; it was clearly an accident, there was no malice intended, and chucking Roy's jacket in the tip raises more questions than it answers.  Perhaps she's realised that it's been a whole month since Sally was released from prison so the producers need to lock up another innocent woman quick to get their money's worth out of that set.

Pass on your immunities.  Monday's episodes included a random game of Pass the Banana.  Not the usual kind of pass the banana on this show, the one that usually involves Steve McDonald getting yet another woman pregnant, but in this case a wholesome game where a single piece of fruit was forced into the unwilling hand of a passer by; the winner was the one who actually managed to eat it.  Paul started off with the banana, then gave it to Summer once he realised she'd not had any breakfast (trying to get in with the dad by befriending the kid eh, Paul?  Sneaky).

Summer gripped it for about a minute, Billy clearly never having told her not to accept gifts from very strange men,  before she found a reason to pass it on to Amy.  Pregnant women do need all the potassium they can get, even if, as in Amy's case, they very clearly don't want to have a baby at all and just wish you'd all shut up about it.

But who would end up the victor and get to finally consume the magic fruit?

Well played, Peter Barlow.  Well played.

Chesney serves an unimaginative picnic.  Gemma's mouth got her into trouble with Joseph and Chesney a couple of times during the week.  Most obviously, there was her loud exclamation after she burnt her hand on the dinner.  I ran a poll on Twitter debating what she actually shouted out and the verdict seemed to be the F-word, though I secretly wish it was something from the more obscure pages of the Profanisaurus like "Flying Horse".  Gemma also caused blushes earlier on when her suggestion of a "quickie" was explained away by Chesney as a "quiche".  Shockingly, Joseph didn't know what a quiche was and Ches had to explain it away as an "eggy pie".  I know Weatherfield is still a salt-of-the-earth, working class, pie and flat cap world, but quiche isn't the middle-class obscurity it once was; I'm sure that Co-op by the tram stop has got an extensive range at inexpensive prices.  Treat yourself, Chesney, if only to stop yet another kid on the Street turning orange due to excessive consumption of cheap fish fingers.

Gurns are forever.  There's something weirdly touching about that picture of Steve in what should be a charming family shot.  All he had to do was smile, but no, instead he pulled the widest of grimaces, like he was guest starring in a Wallace and Gromit.  He doesn't even know he's doing it any more.  I can practically hear Tracy stood next to the photographer, sighing as they took the eighteenth shot of the day, Amy's legs cramping up and her requests that Steve look just a little bit normal, just once, going on deaf ears.  "Just send us the best one," she says resignedly, while Steve wonders what the fuss was about.

I'm pretty sure there's one person out there who actually cares what happens to Clayton.  If you are this person - and you're not Shona - please contact the author on Twitter @merseytart.

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