Protect yourself against bionic sperm. Steve has two children from one night stands; Leanne has one. Why are they still having unprotected sex? Why are they still going into battle without protection? It's quite embarrassing really - these are people in their thirties and forties and they're still grappling with the basics of human reproduction. I blame Weatherfield High for churning out generations of pupils who haven't heard of the morning after pill; their sex education classes must consist of a teacher shrugging and saying "Cross your fingers and hope for the best". No wonder Sarah-Lou and Faye ended up as gympslip mums. The most terrifying part of this sexual ignorance is Leanne can't seem to work out how to operate a condom and yet she used to be a prostitute. She must be permanently on antibiotics.
Trust in the magic of television. Back in the 80s and 90s, Granada operated a backlot at their studio complex. A tour of the facilities took you through a New York street, a Victorian pea souper, and the Houses of Parliament - handy for filming TV shows without expensive location shoots. With their move to Salford Quays you might think they'd lose this breadth of locations within the one campus, but fortunately the new ITV studios are just as chameleonic. There's the front gate up there, pretending to be the entrance to Sally's prison...
...a pot plant and a handily-placed sign transform the main building into the staircase at Victoria Court...
...while the car park overlooking the Manchester Ship Canal becomes a bustling cruise ship port through the addition of a couple of extras with bags. Admittedly this one required a slightly larger suspension of belief - it's hard to believe the Queen Mary 2 could fit into that narrow strip of water - so the director used another supporting artist to really hammer home the seaport look.
"Just walk past in a donkey jacket and flat cap, darling. Serve that navvy realness!"
Maureen Lipman is incredible. Evelyn has been dangerously one-note since she arrived. Immensely enjoyable, of course - her ongoing battle with Dev over the contents of the discount shelf is a constant delight, and I could watch her purse her lips disapprovingly at drinkers in the Rovers for weeks. But she's shown little depth beyond the sour harridan archetype. On Wednesday, however, Chairperson Mo was given a bit of drama to add to the comedy, and she grasped it, tucked it under her arm, and ran to the goal with it. Scared that she might be kicked out on her ear, Evelyn confessed to a lifetime of defensiveness and fear, and exposed the soft flesh beneath the prickly skin. The vulnerability that shyly peeked out caught you unawares and gave the bitterness a sudden rush of sweetness. If Evelyn carries on being 90% comedy powerhouse, 10% heartbreaking pathos, I'll be a very happy viewer indeed.
Coming out can take something away. Remember back in the dim distant days of early 2016, when Rana first turned up in the show? She was a noisy, rebellious ball of excitement. She lead Alya astray, she knocked back the booze, she flirted with Zeedan then dumped him when he refused to put out. She was fun. It seems like such a long time ago. For the past year she's been wetter than an afternoon on the moors. When she's not crying, she's looking like she might cry, and she refuses to actually make a decision or stand up for herself. This week she found herself being pressed into motherhood against her will by Kate, generally going along with being a parent because otherwise her new fiance might... be a bit sad? "Just think of us, two mothers, sharing the load," babbled Kate, though she was light on details about exactly whose load they'd be sharing. This is the kind of discussion you should probably have before you break out the engagement rings but that would involve Rana having a proper conversation with the love of her life so that's out. 2016 Rana would have told Kate to shove her turkey baster in the nearest bin. 2016 Rana would've told Kate that she was still young and adventurous and wanted to travel instead of confessing it quietly to her brother. 2016 Rana would've been much more interesting to watch.
The body may be locked up, but the mind is free. Sally had overcome that bit of nasty prison bullying she experienced a couple of months ago and was instead focusing her efforts on self-improvement and group activities. Yoga, needlework and art history were suddenly on the cards for the ladies of HMP Norcross, despite the mocking from the guards - "Shouldn't you be encouraging wellness?" she scolded one, perhaps misunderstanding the role of the warder. They're there to stop riots, Sal, not lead singalongs. Still, it has encouraged me to keep my nose clean. I live in fear of being locked up in prison anyway but it'd be a million times worse with a load of do-gooders crawling out the woodwork and trying to get me to take up macrame.
The author managed to get through that whole piece without making a single joke about Elsa needing to Let It Go. Congratulate him over on Twitter @merseytart.
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3 comments:
Like Leanne,Sarah is still sexually ignorant as she got pregnant TWICE after Bethany and her children had three different fathers[Bethany's father was Neil Fearns],little Billy[who was born prematurely and died a day after he was born]whose father was Todd Grimshaw and little Harry whose father was Callum Logan[also Max's father],a drug dealer and David's worst enemy.
In Leanne's favor[so do speak] Oliver and her unborn child[?}will at least have the same father in Steve.
Steve of course has magic sperm. Leanne was unable to be a mother because of the abortion Nick coerced her into when they were first married. This was the reason she wanted to be a mother to Simon and her resentment against Nick all these years. Tracy also was unable to be a mother because of her kidney failure and transplant, but magic Steve saw to that also. Pity then, that he could not do the same for Barren Karen.
I've read that Toyah is to become pregnant with Imran's baby and Kate and Rana, with Robert as their sperm donor.
Why do they throw a pregnancy into the mix to liven things up?
When the babies do arrive, the parents do nowt but bicker over them.
Or the children are off camera for several years and emerge again at the age of 5. I can't remember the last time I saw Leeane's Oliver or Sarah's Harry!
Which character would you choose to be pregnant - and by whom? I'd like to see Beth and Kirk have a baby.
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