The Week In Classic Corrie

If you've been paying attention to my Twitter feed, or alternatively read the blog post I wrote a few weeks ago, you'll know that I'm still watching Classic Corrie on ITV3, even though I'm not sure I know why.  This is the start of a hopefully regular feature in which I run through what you're missing on daytime telly because you have a job.

MONDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 5th and 10th October 1988

Two long running and extremely dull plotlines reached a "climax" on Monday.  We finally got confirmation that Alec had been telling the truth when he said he'd lost two grand in the mugging; it came in the most pedestrian way ever, a couple of completed paying in books in his briefcase.  It was worth it for the capper of Bet saying that now she knew Alec was doing so well, she'd be a lot more free with spending his money.  Meanwhile Mike agreed to drop his lawsuit against Ken, but only after Deirdre did a bit of late night pleading on his sofa.  Ken reacted in an absolutely reasonable way i.e. accusing Deirdre of being a traitorous whore, because 1988 Ken is awful.  Jack also had money problems, in that he had a £600 compo cheque he couldn't cash because he didn't have a bank account.  He tried to get Alec to cash it for him, only for Alec to tell Vera about the money.

TUESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 12th and 17th October 1988

Vera demanded Jack's cheque, leading to some superbly barbed back and forth (Jack: "I've put it somewhere you won't think of looking for a million years." Vera: "Down your trousers is it?").  Often in these shows the Duckworths' arguments can descend into just a load of angry bellowing, so it's great when the dialogue matches the volume.  Finally Vera paid the cheque into her account, and they nervously awaited the day it cleared.  Gina got a job at the cafe delivering sandwiches on a bicycle apparently dating from the turn of the century, much to Phyllis's chagrin; she didn't want some upstart coming in and stealing her job.  Sadly, it was war at number 7, as a mate of Jenny's revealed she'd seen Alan snogging some random woman.  She confronted her dad, and the scales fell from her eyes as she realised he was quite an appalling person.  Rita deduced something was going on with Jenny, and leapt to the conclusion that she was up the duff.  Jenny told her the problem was a LOT closer to home.

WEDNESDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 19th and 24th October 1988

It was Rita Fairclough: Girl Detective, as she forced Jenny to tell her the address of Alan's fancy piece.  Next she went through the files at the builder's yard to get the trollop's name, then drove past the house, where he'd parked his car with the subtle BRADLEY SECURITIES sign on the roof.  With all the evidence in hand, she confronted Alan.  He immediately confessed he was doing it with a bird in Oakwood Road, but he was forced into it because Rita was so cold and nasty.  BIN HIM REET HE'S HORRIBLE.  Alan ran off to his bit on the side leaving Rita sad and wanting him back, because she's a fool.  Gina and Phyllis patched things up after Audrey took Phyllis to one side and pointed out if Gail was going to keep only one of them on, it'd probably the one who could ride the delivery bike without breaking a hip.  And Vera came home with Jack's cash... or what she had left after she bought a bed, a washing machine and a microwave.  Thirty quid, in total, and Vera took half of that.  Unsurprisingly, Jack was not amused.

THURSDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 26th and 31st October 1988

Human fun-sponge Percy Sugden took a stand against Don Brennan having the temerity to park his car with six inches of boot overhanging Emily Bishop's frontage and painted NO PARKING on the kerb.  Overnight, someone nipped out with the white paint and corrected it to NOSY PARKER.  Percy was inflamed, not only at the vandalism, but also at the insult to Mrs Bishop, because he couldn't think of a single reason why anyone would call him a nosy parker.  Turned out it was down to Jack, who was distracting himself from his continuing compo war with Vera.  Gloria tried to console him by pointing out he'd also benefit from a new bed but Jack wouldn't have it ("if you find yourself stuck with a mouldy pork pie, putting it in a new paper bag won't make it any more tasty.")  Rita, meanwhile, spent most of the episodes moping around and wishing Alan would come back, until Bet paid a visit and gave her a boot up the backside.  She pointed out that Alan had got out of the relationship with premises and a business, leading to Rita turning up at the yard with her wig aflame, evicting Alan and demanding her six grand back.  Finally Mrs Fairclough has shown some steel!

FRIDAY - Episodes originally broadcast 2nd and 7th November 1988

Now Mavis on her own, I can tolerate.  Mavis and Derek together, however, drive me batty with their handwringing dithering, so having both of Friday's episodes devoted to their nuptials was quite irritating.  First Mavis spent an entire episode trying to pick an outfit, while Derek wondered if the stars were against them; then they had their stag and hen dos.  Derek got absolutely hammered within about thirty seconds and had to be loaded into a taxi.  Above the Kabin, Bet and Audrey gave Mavis advice on how to have a happy marriage (respectively: show him who's boss and act innocent and frail).  Meanwhile Rita was cheered by the news that Alan had moved out of his floozy's house and was now in his own flat.  HE'S TERRIBLE RITA YOU ARE BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM.  But the most important news was a visit by the owner of the cafe - yes, ALMA!  She was dismissive about Gail's sandwich round and kind of rude to be honest but she brought hitherto unseen levels of fabulous glamour in a pinstripe two piece so all was forgiven.

@merseytart wishes Classic Corrie was on the ITV Hub so he could get some decent screengrabs instead of just pointing his phone at his telly.

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