Saturday, 26 May 2018

Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week


Sally is very much like Meghan Markle.  "We're both from modest backgrounds and now we're rubbing shoulders with the great and the good," opined the fragrant Mayor Metcalfe, and it's hard to disagree.  The similarities don't end there: both are strong, powerful feminists with extremely embarrassing relatives you probably wouldn't want dirtying your antimacassars, both have good looking husbands with a penchant for taking their clothes off in their youth, and both of them made terrible fashion choices before they reached their current zeitgeist-defining look.  Of course, one had Rita Fairclough at her wedding, while Meghan could only scrape together the Queen and George Clooney, so the new Duchess of Sussex has a little way to go before she's as magnificent as Sally.


Modelling isn't all about showing skin.  Despite being desperate to nab a modelling job, Rosie Webster turned up at the factory wearing more layers than a bag lady in February.  She looked like the coat department in Debenhams had gained sentience and tottered into life.  I've no idea what's prompted Rosie to suddenly start dressing in this uncharacteristic manner, or what's made her buy an enormous handbag...


...and walk mainly behind racks of underwear...


...or metal steps.


No idea at all.


Pop music ended in the 90s.  I'm a middle-aged man who believes music peaked with Britpop and it's been a downward slide ever since.  Parklife  was the high point of human civilisation and I will not be persuaded otherwise.  But I fully acknowledge that this is because I am an old fart, and that there are still popular beat combos entertaining the youth of today.  Not that you'd know it from the guests at Robert's stag do, who were Freddie Mercury (dead for nearly thirty years), Boy George (definitively 80s) and Cool Britannia icons the Gallaghers and Jarvis Cocker - the last three being played by characters who were barely out of nappies when they ruled the charts.  They really couldn't think of anyone from the 21st century?  No Eminem?  No Bruno Mars?  No Justin Bieber?  Though on second thoughts that might have brought us the terrifying sight of Daniel in a ginger wig pretending to be Ed Sheeran, so it's probably for the best.


A change would be as good as a rest.  Eileen was plagued by anonymous phone calls to her landline and mobile.  This was naturally extremely upsetting for her, yet at no point did she think that changing her phone number might be a good idea.  Similarly, a mysterious intruder was letting themselves into her house using a spare set of keys, and Eileen never bothered changing the locks.  Gary probably would've done it for nothing.  If you're that lazy you sort of deserve to get murdered in your bed by a stalker.


Cooking is easy.  Robert took a sneaky last-minute night off from the Bistro, then had a heart attack that put him out of action for days.  (Incidentally, it was funny watching all the other characters say "wow, you look terrible" while he maintained his usual mahogany glow).  Meanwhile Zeedan decided to abandon his cafe and leave Sophie Webster, of all people, managing the place.  In both cases, they said that the staff would be able to cope, while completely ignoring the fact that they are the chefs.  If there's no-one there to cook the food, no-one gets fed, which I believe is quite important to a restaurant.  Next week, Sophie rolls out Speed Daal's new menu: beans on toast, macaroni cheese and Supernoodles.

The author remembers the good old days when Alya was a kind, sympathetic character.  Reminisce with him over on Twitter @merseytart.



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7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't remember Sophie and Zeedan being that friendly for him to trust her to manage his restaurant when she had absolutely no experience of the trade. Talk about Corrie being totally unrealistic at times.

popcorn said...

You forgot Turkey Twizzlers for the menu!
Thanks once more for making me howl with laughter!

Karen said...

Hahaha, are you new to Corrie? All that camouflage can only mean ONE thing!

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I don't understand what you mean, could you please explain?

Anonymous said...

Ahhhh. Thank you. Did you hear the penny clunk as it dropped? Far too subtle for me. Thank you

Anonymous said...

If you click where it says "No idea at all" it links to a thing about pregnancy in Corrie! :)

Cackling in Canada said...

OMG - your blog had me in stitches !
Made my day !!

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