Cosy crimes and gritty sagas by Corrie Blog editor Glenda, published by Headline. Click pic below!

Tuesday 26 December 2017

Five Things We Learned From Corrie's Christmas

Mess with Gail at your peril.  Rewind when the crowd say bo selecta!  Don't try buying Gail noise-cancelling headphones to keep her quiet, Sarah-Lou; she's had decades of experience of poking her nose in where it's unwelcome, and she will always outfox you.  Gail immediately messed with the heads of her nearest and dearest - a fine Platt Christmas tradition - by bellowing Dean Friedman across the Rovers until they went home.  Then she knocked back another glass of Prosecco and giggled with her mum.  Stuff Rita and Eva; they should've brought Gail in for the "heartwarming" montage singalong, crooning Do That To Me One More Time while Audrey slid off her barstool.

God really does protect His own.  Billy plummeted off the side of a cliff, smashed into the rocks below, and somehow didn't die.  On top of that, a random walker - on Christmas Day! - spotted him and called the air ambulance and got him airlifted to hospital (there was a hilarious moment where Adam asked "which hospital?".  Wethy General, Adam; it's ALWAYS Wethy General).  Someone up there was looking after Billy, and it should make Peter very nervous.  He might want to start wearing rubber soled shoes to protect him from lightning strikes.

D.I. Eileen is on the case.  Eileen telling the Barlows that she would get to the bottom of who grassed up Billy to Summer's evil grandmother might have carried more weight if we didn't know she lives her life in a state of blissful ignorance.  Somehow, the woman who is unknowingly married to a double murderer, who didn't know her daughter in law wasn't in Australia, and who is deceived on a pretty much hourly basis by friends, neighbours and relatives, believes she can root out the rotten apple in the barrel of Barlows.  Aim lower, Eileen; perhaps try and work out who the murderer is in a nice Agatha Christie before you try to break the residents of number one.  The revelations about the death of Susan has brought them together into some kind of Mancunian Mafia crime family and it'll take more than bellowing at them from across the street to get them to fold.

Steve and Tracy are like tomato sauce and custard.  From the mouth of babes, and so on.  Amy's absolute horror at the prospect of her parents was a delight; she really was taking lessons from Granny Blanche all those years.  Tracy and Steve would be a flaming mess of a relationship, an orphanage on fire disaster of monumental proportions, and the wise beyond her years Miss Barlow knows it.  Besides, I'm enjoying Tracy's new role as an unofficial narrator for the show, standing on the sidelines and carping bitchily about the goings-on.  I'd hate her acid tongue to be neutralised by love.

They serve tagliatelle in the police cells on Christmas Day.  You remember how Roy and Mary started out as odd, slightly scary characters and then, over time, they developed into much-loved comic legends and pillars of the community?  Brian seems to be experiencing the reverse.  He started out as a loveable buffoon in an affecting relationship with Julie, and now he's a weirdo who bellows at teenage girls and breaks into the neighbours' houses.  Gina's decision to call the police was an overreaction - I feel like "she's bipolar" will be used in the future to cover many out of character moments - and Brian's subsequent interrogation was yet another nail in the coffin for Weatherfield Police's reputation.  Worse, I'm pretty sure it was all meant to be funny, when it was about as amusing as polio.  The only funny part was watching that poor actor trying to look threatening while comparing Cathy to a manhole cover.

Any late Christmas gifts can be forwarded to the author via Twitter @merseytart. None of your tat from a motorway service station, mind.        

Please read our advice for leaving comments on the Coronation Street Blog
All original work on Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License


Anonymous said...

Can't help wishing Billy had died - he is one of the worst characters now. Along with Eileen. I wish they would write her out when Phelan goes (as go he must!) especially now that she has neither of her sons to keep her here. Hopefully Summer won't return either (although sneaky spoilers say she will).

Anonymous said...

PS not impressed with Carla's return either.

BeaverDamsel said...

I Second your motions

CK said...

Why was Michelle so vile to Carla? Whining that she wasn't told she was coming. Aidan's reaction was the same as mine.

Anonymous said...

We're supposed to believe that Eileen who didn't heed Anna's warnings about Phelan,never questioned Nicola's abrupt exit,is going to find out to graased up Billy to Summer's grandmother?Oh Please!
Perhaps if Todd was murdered by Phelan instead of kidnapping Summer,then Eileen would finally smarten up.
I wish the writers would show everyone at Christmas time instead of the same families usally the Platts and Barlows over and over again!
Sarah needs to grow up and act like a mother to her children instead of ditching them on Christmas Day so she can get drunk in the Rovers.

Nina said...

Well what a miserable Christmas that was. Apart from the funny Gail scenes it was wall to wall misery, angst and stupidity. It felt like I was watching a mixture of Eastenders and an Emmerdale crash/ murder episode. Worst Christmas Corrie ever.

Anonymous said...

Why not? What's not to like? I totally disagree. I'm loving her return, she's already achieved more in a few days than the rest of them put together have. Welcome back Carla Connor!

Anonymous said...

Ken: Well Adam, you were almost beaten to death by drug dealers so I am disowning brought it on yourself.

Ken: Well Peter, you almost tortured a man to death and were responsible for him falling of a cliff so I am protecting long as you say you're really sorry and it was an accident.

Rubbish storyline.

maggie muggins said...

Good to see Carla back, but compared to the magic of Hayley's last Christmas with Roy, this was depressing. You'd think that a character dying (Hayley) would make it depressing, but it was one of the best & most uplifting Christmases.

I had hoped that the holiday episodes would redeem the dark, gory and unimaginative gloom of the past few months, but no! You can't throw in a few Xmas trees and a song or two and think it will fool us.

I'm getting the feeling that those at the top don't really like Corrie! Instead, it's being used as a vehicle for experimentation and a few notches on a few resumes for futures jobs.


You might also like...

Coronation Street Books for Fans