Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

If you're gonna do it, do it right (right).  Last week I complained at tedious length about the prevalence of ISHOO-based storylines in Corrie at the moment, and how it was draining all the fun out of the show.  And that complaint still partially stands; roughly 50% of this week's episodes consisted of Billy chasing after Paul so they could have exactly the same conversation all over again before Paul stormed off.  However, Asha's struggle with her own self-worth is very much the exception.  Everything about this storyline has been just right, from the way it's been slowly seeded over time (remember when she was experimenting with heavy make up months ago?), to the way it feels like it's risen out of the character, rather than being forced onto her, to the excellent acting from everyone involved.

It's still managed to be funny in places - the birds and the bees chat was brilliant - and it's also broken your heart every other scene.  They've also managed to get proper character moments for people other than Asha, from Dev's concerns about bringing up his daughter alone, to Amy being the best friend she could possibly be, and Liz acting as a voice of reason.  At the heart of this is Tanisha Gorey's smashing performance; she's quietly developed into a great actress without any of us noticing her growth.  More of this kind of thing and I'd be very happy indeed.

The only bad part of the storyline is Asha dating Kelly from the Stereophonics; he's far too old for you, missy.

Sarah-Lou is not self-reliant.  Adam was so busy glowering over Gary he completely forgot to pick up his girlfriend from the airport. Sarah-Lou was forced to loiter in the Arrivals hall at Ringway for an hour before he turned up.  My question is, could you not make your own way home, love?  After about ten minutes of waiting next to the Starbucks you'd at least phone to see if he was on his way, and after twenty you'd give up and get a cab.  (I'd have advised getting a tram home, because last year one with Manchester Airport on the destination blind went over the viaduct by Weatherfield North, but apparently the trams don't go there any more).

She was probably befuddled by lust as almost the first thing she did with Adam when she got back was drag him up the stairs for a bit of hanky-panky; given that she sleeps on an airbed in the lounge, I can only assume she was using Gail's vacant bed for sex, to which I can only say: ewwww.  (P.S. Where the hell is Harry?)

Sue Devaney!  Sue Devaney!  SUE DEVANEY!  Debbie Webster is BACK, and she's everything we'd hoped she'd be.  If you're middle-aged like me, Sue Devaney is one of those reliably brilliant actresses who's spent years turning up in stuff to make you giggle.  To me, she'll always be Our Rita from Jonny Briggs (no, not Mike Baldwin, the one with Razzle the dog), but she was also a regular on Spatz (which I didn't watch because it was on Children's ITV and therefore common) and she was Jane the secretary on dinnerladies, turning up every other episode to order a load of toast and talk about cystitis.  Before all that she was Debbie Webster, and I can only imagine she's been far too busy to return before now, because why wouldn't you try and get Sue Devaney back into the show at any opportunity possible?  Debbie turned up with a line in natty handbags and a villa in Turkey to offer Kevin two hundred grand she'd inherited off some previously unmentioned old auntie.  (I'm almost certain this was originally conceived as a storyline to kill off Bill Webster, after Peter Armitage's real-life death, only for them to realise at the last minute that wouldn't be so much of a feel-good storyline).

Kevin obviously rejected the money because... well, I'm not really sure why.  Because it was a good thing, and he doesn't like that?  Between this and his recent turn as internet sensation Kevin the Crank I feel like the writers have lost sight of who he is.  Kev's not a miserable curmudgeon, he's a simple man who wants nothing more than a good day's work, a nice home with his family, and the odd pint.  He wants to be content, not drag down the world.  I mean, look at his little smile up there; he's adorable.  After much persuasion, Debbie finally persuaded him to take the money and divvy it up between his children.

This is a good thing, because apparently nobody is taking care of Jack's interests whatsoever; Kev admitted he hadn't redrafted his will to include his son (Jack is now nine years old, by the way) and he didn't seem to notice a large amount of cash would be extremely helpful to a disabled lad with a possible university in his future to pay for.  Sophie, meanwhile, will no doubt use that money so that Brooke Vincent can have maternity leave she can join Kate on a beach somewhere taking pictures of her legs that definitely aren't stock photos.  It'll also mean she can escape the hell of college which she has been at for exactly one week and yet hates with every fibre of her being.  God only knows what carnage Rosie will cause with the money in Tokyo; perhaps we should alert the authorities to be ready for a cataclysmic earthquake as she barrels her way to Ginza with her credit card in hand, like Godzilla in a push-up bra.

It's kick-ball change.  As the rehearsals for Bugsy Malone continued, seasoned thesp Mary lent a hand with the preparations.  (I'm still furious we never saw so much as a second of her one-woman show).  To do so, she dressed like the most dramatic choreographer at the Royal Ballet, and it will not surprise you to learn that I am very much here for it.  The black sweater!  The spangly turban!  The silk scarf casually tossed over one shoulder!  If she'd completed the look with a cane and a cigarette in a holder I might have died from the overload of camp.  Paired with Huw from EastEnders and his casually draped sweater and it was like a Northern Fosse/Verdon.  Hopefully Pastel Blue Ollerenshaw - who made an appearance this week as Wethy High's own Regina George, complete with a smirking henchwoman - will have some kind of injury on premiere night and Mary will have to step in to take her place as Tallulah, and a star will be born.

The NHS needs to pay its nurses more. The Winter family had a lengthy and protracted row over Kal's bedside, with accusations and fake apologies flying everywhere.  When Gemma, Chesney and Bernie left, Kal and Paul had a heated argument that took in child molestation and blackmail and violence.  And throughout it all, that nurse up there barely looked up from her notepad.  She's obviously decided she wasn't being paid enough to make any kind of intervention, and let them all scream at each other while she busied herself with her hygiene stats.  That's how you end up with a health service in crisis: devaluing and demoralising the staff.  Sort it out, Sajid.

When he's not insulting the hard work of Granada's finest, the author occasionally watches the Antiques Roadshow and Bargain Hunt.  This makes him at least as qualified as Fiz to run an antique furniture business, if not more, and so offers of employment from Sotheby's should be sent via Twitter to @merseytart.

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