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Saturday, 9 May 2015

Taking the Audrey Roberts option

Of course, there could be no truth in this theory whatsoever. Indeed, it's probably a load of nonsense dreamt up by someone suffering from sleep deprivation caused by too much General Election coverage. Bear with.

Audrey Roberts, I salute you! Bless her, for she has had the nous and common sense to avoid her entire family for weeks. Gail's wedding? No show. Erica's pregnancy? 'Sorry luvvie, I'm busy'. Max disappears? Radio silence from Aud. One can only surmise that from her pad on Grassmere Drive, Audrey has come to the conclusion that she cannot stomach another scene where the entire family is wedged into the increasingly familiar set at number eight.

In scenes reminiscent of early pantomime Nazir sightings, the entire Platt/Tilsley/Rodman combo all have to appear 'en mass' in any family related scene. Nick abandons his business. David rushes from the salon. Sarah presumably dismounts the box she is surely perched on behind the Rovers bar. They all take their places in that God-awful house, jammed on to the sofa or stood around it in some kind of horse-shoe formation. Cue useless wittering from Michael, non-amusing one-liner from Bethany and screwed-up facial expressions from Nick. Then add to this delightful ensemble Andy/Gavin/Whatever with a mug like an Easter Island statue and Steph who seems to be permanently on the verge of a breakdown. At this point the living room door will be flung open and, for no reason whatsoever, Callum, channelling the late Charles Hawtrey, minces in and terrifies us with his witty badinage. No Audrey though. Not a word nor a whisper from Camilla-lite. Behind closed doors in the posh bit of town, she is no doubt pouring herself a decent measure of gin and ignoring the ringing of her mobile. Audrey is unavailable. You can only sympathise with her.

The seemingly endless merry-go-round based at number 8 is almost bordering on farce. Like demented cuckoos in a clock, the family pop in and out with dizzying regularity. It has to stop. Either that or whip out the front door and install a lovely new turnstile. In the meantime, Audrey isn't available. She's on page four of Anna Karenina and refuses to budge from her sofa until she's read the entire novel. Slowly.



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15 comments:

Flaming Nora said...

Love it!

Anonymous said...

I would love to see more of Audrey.
Hopefully we'll see Audrey be the supportive friend to Ken when Deirdre dies and none of her family.

Anonymous said...

Have the writers completely given up on the idea of Bethany going to school? She seems to be around for every impromptu family meeting.

Humpty Dumpty said...

If Bethany stays in W'field, she and Audrey could eventually get on famously. Bethany should move in with her great grandma and become her protégé. Sarah, meanwhile, can do as she likes. It would make such a welcome change for a feisty 14 year old girl in Corrie to turn into a poised, elegant young woman (think 'Ladette to Lady' or even 'Pygmalion').

Frosty the Snowman said...

Audrey seems to be conspicuous by her absence lately, hope Sue Nicols is OK. Great comments about the rest of the Platt tribe, wth Sarah standing gormless and Bethany rolling her eyes so much surprised they dont roll out of her head altogether. I wonder how the Bistro have any clientele at all with the Platts having their consistent set tos in there.

Anonymous said...

Love it, and my chuckling is upsetting the dog again! So, so true... every bit of it, about the comedy Platt scenes these days. And Humpty, I love your idea for Bethany. (In fact, thank you to everyone who writes for and contributes to this blog in any way, I enjoy it so much.) Sue.

Anonymous said...

Anyone other than Sarah having any influence over Bethany could only be an improvement.

Zagg said...

I am really not for Audrey mentoring Bethany the Be-otch in any way. I love Audrey and look forward to her scenes. If they pair her with the horrid Bethany, that would spoil her onscreen time for me.
I am sincerely hoping that they are writing exit plots for Sarah and Bethany. They are the biggest disappointment and worst return of characters ever.

Anonymous said...

Character chemistry is so hard to predict, case in point being Tim and Sally. Does Bethany need a good hiding or a caring mentor? Sometimes it seems like a character's redemption is one chess move away. What if Bethany, outside of all expectation, ended up in a relationship with Craig and he was the making of her?

Clinkers (David) said...

Love the idea of Ladette to Lady for Bethany. She's obviously no dummy so it would be a bit sad to see her serving pints or sewing knickers in a few years time.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, David! Up until now I've been thinking to myself "uh, just fast forward through this interminable Platt-based drek". Now I shall think "just take the Audrey option".

Anonymous said...

Now where did I put my copy of Anna Karenina?

Anonymous said...

Zagg, completely agree with you. The sooner Sarah & Bethany are written out, the better.

Just not working, either of them.

Anonymous said...

Absolutely loved the article! Agree with Zagg as usual. Time for Bethany and Sarah to go back to Milan it just isn't working.
Bethany is intolerable to me. She so rude and disrespectful to everyone. If she acts like at school how long before she is suspended? Would love to see the back of them!

maggie muggins said...

Hilarious post, Clinkers! Love "stood around it [the sofa] in some kind of horse-shoe formation"

I'm one of the few who likes Bethany. Not her petulant Mum, who's permanently p****d off about nothing that ever matters a hoot. Bethany though, is a juvenile jewel who rolls her eyes but throws out her lines with panache. The actress can turn on a dime from annoying (who wouldn't be, with that family) to genuinely interested in her Gran, who seems to give her the benefit of the doubt. I vote - move in with Aud fast!

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