Saturday, 17 February 2018

Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week


You don't know what you've got 'til it's almost gone.  Tim and Sally thrashing out their relationship and attempting to reconcile their differences was heartbreaking.  I don't want to see Tim and Sally arguing; I don't want to see anything bad happening to Tim and Sally.  I want them to bumble around the Street, him making a mess and her disapproving, her clunkily patronising the residents and him swooping in to apologise.  I want the two of them getting inappropriately turned on at every wedding then sneaking off behind a pot plant for filthy times.  Let's hope all this nonsense is sorted out soon, not least because seeing Sally separated from her Conservatory would be just as upsetting.  (Incidentally, where is Tim living now?  It's been implied that his dad's house is quite a way away.  I'd be a slightly disgruntled constituent if I cast my vote for Sally to be mayor and she promptly upped sticks and moved to Altrincham).


Herbal tea is not a suitable replacement for opiates.  Bless her, Eva was doing her best with the camomile and the echinacea, brewing up mug after mug to try and make Billy feel better.  But when someone is enduring (a) crippling pain and (b) cold turkey, wafting some lemon and ginger under their nose probably won't help much.  Poor Billy was living through a remake of Trainspotting; he's watching a dead baby crawl along the ceiling, and Eva's asking if he wants to give the peppermint another go.


Crippling illness can't keep a good woman down.  Carla is still in hospital, keeping that set in use, and somehow managing to remain fabulous the entire time.  She sorted out Daniel and Sinead's love life from her sick bed, thanks to her credit card and a magic basque that apparently glowed from within.  (Let's not dwell on how she knew Sinead's corset size).  We, as viewers, may have cause to regret the resumption of the Barlow-Tinker relations, but you can't deny that Carla's efficiency while simultaneously coping with the ever-present threat of death is testament to her amazingness.  Bonus points for dismissing Michelle and Robert banging on about their engagement with "go away, you're boring me now."


Sometimes long-lost sons want to stay long-lost.  I am thrilled that Alex Ali has returned to the Street.  The six-month baby swap storyline was some of the most tedious drama Corrie has ever put on screen, and I've always resented the way the show pretended it never happened.  I lived through that; at least make me feel like it was worth it.  So Ali turning up and clearly hating Michelle's guts for pretending he didn't exist was extremely gratifying.  True to form, though, by the end of Friday's episode, Exalted Queen Of The Universe Michelle Connor was feeling sorry for herself and was upset that he didn't want to see her, despite the full extent of her mothering for the previous ten years extending to "a couple of letters to the last address I had for him."  She's not seen him for a decade, he didn't attend her wedding, she didn't tell him she was pregnant or that she'd lost the baby, and she regularly used to refer to Ryan as her 'son' - SINGULAR -  but sure, wonder a bit more why he hasn't embraced you with open arms.  Enjoy this friction while it lasts; Empress Michelle is the Sun round which the rest of the world revolves, so by the end of next week Ali will be apologising to her for his insensitivity and begging to be part of her life.


Building is easy.  "Oh, hi Pat!  We've decided to add an extra ten flats onto this building, which is a totally normal thing to do while construction is underway.  We don't have to get planning permission for it, because we got that when we applied for the smaller development, which again, is a totally normal thing to do.  Every property developer pays for a 'just in case' application at the same time; we also have planning permission to build a shopping centre, a railway station, and a temple dedicated to the Great Lord Tharg, you know, just in case.  Your entire workforce - i.e. you and Gary - just have to drain that lake, because we're building the extra flats over there, for some reason.  You are qualified engineers who know how to drain a body of water, aren't you?  Don't worry, there's a clause in your contract that says if you have to do any extra work at all your fee is doubled.  I don't know why you're pulling that face, this is a totally normal way to conduct business, and not nonsensical in the slightest."

If you'd like to help me work out who else Audrey has called "fit as" please contact me on Twitter @merseytart




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1 comment:

Rapunzel said...

OMG Building is Easy. Don’t know if emojis work in comments, but the wee guy tipped on his side with tears of laughter is Me!!

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