Aunty Pam - Corrie's Marmite character

Marmite. You either love it you don't, so they say, and judging by the comments left on the blog, views on Aunty Pam are much the same. Some of you love her, and some of you agree with those over at the Guardian talkboard. Ooh, I wouldn't dare tell you what they call her over there. What is it about Aunty Pam that you either love, or you don't?

Is Graeme the new Fred Elliot?

Now, I know Fred Elliot was one of the iconic Corrie characters and his absence leaves a large pair of shoes to be filled. Fred was eccentric, brash, and a little bit tragic. He had a heart as big as all outdoors and he loved his family and friends. I'm taking a long leap comparing Graeme to Fred, I know, but bear with me for a minute.

Graeme is also eccentric. Yet he has an innocence about him for all his dodgy pyromaniac past. He's sweet, yet street smart. He doesn't mince words, and he's kind and good hearted. He's always coming out with wonderful lines and observations, much like Fred though in a more bizarre way. Ok, he's totally off the wall and Fred wasn't like that but I think he's got potential. And so far, he's got that "loser in love" thing going. He did seem to have eyes for Tina at one point and he even tried to chat up Fiz but neither of them came to anything much.

Craig Gazey is a real find and Graeme has struck a collective "w00t!" in the hearts of Corrie viewers just like Fred did all those years ago, as did Roy Cropper, but I can't say Graeme is the new Roy because we've still got one of those. What do you think?

The return of Fiz-bomb Brown

We the undersigned demand that Corrie put the sparkle back into Fiz Brown. We've tried moaning about the demise of fizz in Fiz in blog posts here and here and here. Come on, Coronation Street, isn't it time we had the Fiz-bomb return?

Graeme Proctor - garden doctor

There's a good interview with Craig Gazey, who plays Graeme Proctor on Coronation Street, over at Digital Spy.

Craig reveals that Graeme's friendship with David is going to end and Graeme will have more comedy scenes with Blanche and Norris, which sounds fab. Graeme's also going to start up his own gardening business and he buys an unusual vehicle to get around on the cobbles. Has Corrie ever had a rickshaw before?

Read the full interview here.

Denial: Thu July 30, 2009 Corrie Episode Review

Written by Daran Little, directed by David Kester.

Joe's raiding Gail's kitchen frantically. For drugs, no less. Or drug money. Bingo! Gail drops her wallet out of her purse on the table, and forgets it in her haste to get to work on time. How long is this loser going to be pilfering from Gail???

Joe's now resorted to selling off his tools for drug money. How is this going to help his kitchen-building, that's he's supposed to be doing right now, to pay off that loan from one of Len's "guys." No matter which path he seems to take, it leads to a dead end. David plays "keep-away" with Joe's pills until he can cough up the rest of the 100 quid he requested.

Back to square one, Joe eyes Gail's purse again on the counter top. Gail comes home with her shopping, with Tina who's helped her with her bags, to find her purse and notices right away that she's missing approximately 30 quid. Immediately, as predicted, David's getting blamed for it. Joe gets overwhelmed with guilt and admits that he took the money. Well, admits to borrowing it. Uh huh. Snake in the grass! Oh, Joe even makes Tina apologise for calling David a loser when he was being wrongfully accused. Well, seems like David's got his pawns lined up nicely.

In private, Gail confronts Joe about the money missing from her purse last week, but Joe denies taking it. Gail tells Joe she needs trust in a relationship. Well, then get your foot ready and the door open Gail! Joe tells Gail that he promises he won't hurt her. As Blanche would say: "Get to my age, and you make a lot of promises." How many broken promises has Joe left in his wake, I wonder?

David produces the pain pills to Joe, as promised. With one condition: he'll only give him half now, and the other half after he gets Tina to be nice to him. Oh, David! That ship has sailed!

Looks like Chesney's back on his paper-round and groaning about it. He makes it sound like he works for some big railroad boss or something. It's a paper-round! Fiz offers to take him into town at lunch to exchange his trainers. He makes a sassy comment about being surprised she has enough time for him. Fiz needs to open a can of whoop-ass on him!

Alas, Fiz cancels on Chesney, because she has to work overtime. Fiz wonders if Chesney's new-found attitude is because he's turned 15. Well, that is the magical number it seems. He's a man now. Where he's gone, there's no coming back. All you can do is mourn the boy you used to adore. I still miss my adoring kid brother...

Chesney angrily pushes past Rita, and rudely tells her to watch where she's going. Oh *slap* for that from me! Rita puts him in his place, and reprimands him for screwing up Mr. Windass's delivery. Chesney tells her she can take her job and shove it. Well, not quite, but pretty much.

Back at home, Chesney complains about his problems to the only one who's always willing to listen: his dog. Chesney is rooting through the pockets of everyone's coats on the rack looking for the receipt for his trainers. But that's not all he finds. He picks up a small box to reveal Fiz's engagement from John and utters "no way..." Yes, way Chesney, yes way.

Fiz comes home early and apologises to Chesney for cancelling lunch earlier. Fiz checks her coat pockets with a panicked look on her face, and leaves in a haste with an excuse. Chesney pulls out her ring box from his pocket. What's he up to now? You know, I feel bad for Chesney and all, but I feel bad for Fiz too. She's a young woman, and she's doing a lot taking care of a teenage boy when she could be living her life. Chesney should still be grateful to her, even if he's not happy with the decisions she makes.

Becky won't be inviting any of her family to her wedding. You know, sometimes I forget how much of a mysterious woman Becky really is. How much do we really know about her? Betty tells Becky to scratch her name off the wedding invite list. Betty has decided that for the rest of her life she doesn't want to attend another wedding. Fair enough. Becky thinks it's a shame how not one of Steve's family members is going to see him get married, so she decides to track down Jim McDonald to invite him. Thank heavens! I love Jim and Liz in the same room!

Emily informs Rita that Norris will be late since he's helping Freda pack her suitcase. Rita notices that Emily's got her hair done and wonders whose benefit it's for. No flies on Rita! Emily tells her she needs to stop reading romance stories.

Ramsay signs Freda a farewell goodbye, and gets it somewhat wrong. Freda was very rude with him. At least he was trying. Emily doesn't look pleased. Good riddance Freda. She was like a 24 hour flu.

Later, Ramsay and Emily are sitting by the glow of the projector looking at Emily's old slides. My, my, this is very intimate. Of course that couch leaves no room for the notion of personal space. The projector switches to a slide of Emily and her Ernest on their wedding day. Emily gets embarrassed and quickly switches the slide. Ramsay insists she go back to her wedding slide and tells her how happy she looks. He then tells Emily he's never been married and he's honored that she's shared her memories with him. Norris busts in and interrupts this intimate moment. Much like a parent coming down to the basement and turning the lights on demanding to know what's going on. What a party-pooper!

It doesn't take long for Norris to spill the beans about the scene he'd just witnessed to Rita. Norris tells her, "It was like a scene from Mrs. Miniver. I kept expecting to hear an air-raid siren." Good one writers, that was classic. No pun intended. Rita asks Norris if it ever entered his mind that Ramsay and Emily might be attracted to one another. Norris accuses Rita of inhaling too much hairspray! Poor Rita, according to her friends she's a hair-sprayed, romance-reading old woman! Norris doesn't believe that Emily could be attracted to Ramsay. Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, Norris.

Corrie's fab photo Friday - July 31, 2009

It's the summer holiday season here in the UK, so today's photo is a summery blast from the not-so-distant past, 1999 to be precise. The Battersbys descend on South Wales in Charlie West's campervan, only to end up alongside the Platts and the Websters. I don't remember much about this Coronation Street holiday, only that Toyah and Janice both fancied the bloke who worked on the campsite. Any other details would be much appreciated!

Want more fab photos? Click here.

State of the Street - July

It's that time of the month again. Time to rehash the stand-out bits of July. There's a new baby on the street, born in a beach hut. What's your theory behind the growing closeness of Tony and Maria? Is it real? or is it Memorex? How awful is Kevin's out-of-the-blue mid-life crisis? Me, I'm glad they got Molly out of the way for a couple of weeks, just so it wouldn't be in my face constantly. There's lies, lies and "damned lies" in the House of Peacock, there's a lot of flirting going on under the roof of Number 11 and Psycho Dave is back!
Read all about it over here!

Corrie writer profile: Daran Little

Sources: corrie.net, corrie.net interview, The Guardian, The Sun, imdb.com,

Daran Little joined the Coronation Street production team in 1989, taking over from Eric Rosser as Official Archivist. In 1996 he became Manager of Drama Serials, working with producers and writers to build up profiles of characters, organising awards ceremonies, parties and handling viewers queries. He then wrote most, if not all, of the Coronation Street reference books available including the 35th and 40th anniversary books, four other Street reference books and two prequel novels. He co-wrote Betty Driver's autobiography too.

In 2000 Daran joined the storyline office as a scriptwriter and his first episode was aired in April 2001. Daran was the writer responsible for Corrie's first gay storyline when Todd Grimshaw kissed Nick Tilsley. You can read more on that in Daran's interview with The Guardian and he revealed to The Sun that he was Corrie's first openly gay writer, baseing Todd's kiss on his own experiences.

As well as writing for Corrie, Daran was writer and producer of Hollyoaks in the City and has worked in the US on American soap All My Children.

In 2010 Daran Little joined the writing team at BBC soap EastEnders. He also scripted the BBC4 drama The Road to Coronation Street.

If you can help update this profile or provide a recent photo, do please let me know.

Read about all of the current Corrie writing team here.

Talking parrot joins Corrie cast

A while ago we revealed that Coronation Street was going to get a parrot joining the cast. Well, he's now started filming and has the cast in uproar as he keeps mimicking them on set.

The official ITV Corrie site says that the parrot, called Cheeky Charlie, will soon appear on-screen as Jesse’s pet parrot called John.

Michelle Connor to get a new fella

Michelle Connor's going to get a new fella on Coronation Street, says The Star.

Kym Marsh, who plays Michelle, says: “They are going to cast someone new because, come on, there aren’t exactly many eligible men left on the Street for her to seduce!”

It also seems as if Michelle is going to return to work behind the bar at the Rovers as she says: "I can’t tell you how excited I am about being back behind the bar at the Rovers. When you think of Corrie, you think of the Rovers, so to be in the thick of it again is amazing. I love filming in there. It’s such a laugh as there’s usually loads of us. We can get a bit naughty sometimes but we always get the job done!”

Ex-Corrie nurse goes naked on stage

Jill Halfpenny, who played Martin Platt's squeeze, nurse Rebecca Hopkins, is appearing on the West End stage in the nuddy. Jill teams up with other ex-soap actresses from EastEnders and Hollyoaks and the goddess that is Jerry Hall (the only woman in the world I could turn to bat for the other side for) in Calendar Girls. The play's now on at London's Noël Coward Theatre until 17 October. Book your tickets here www.seecalendargirls.com.

I'm over the moon to report that the normal £1.50 booking fee will be going to a charity close to the Coronation Street blog's heart - Leukaemia Research.

New wine bar to open in Corrie...?

There's a story in The Sun today that reckons Peter Barlow will open a new wine bar in Coronation Street. The bar and eatery - in the disused Turner's Joinery building - will also have a wine cellar for more upmarket clientele.

The paper says this will be the first time a pub has opened on the same Street as the Rovers Return. How wrong are they? As blogger Tvor points out in the comments below, The Graffiti Club was also based on Coronation Street, where the medical centre's now based.

Running a wine bar might not be such a good idea for ex-alcoholic Peter Barlow, however. The Sun says that Peter wants his missus Leanne Battersby to run it. (But Peter and Leanne aren't wed, so they're wrong again!) The new wine bar will open in Corrie this October, the paper says.

Stop press: The Manchester Evening News says Corrie fans should treat this story from The Sun with a large pinch of salt. Why?
Click here to find out.

Steve McDonald gurn of the week - July 30, 2009

It's Thursday and that means it's time for the Steve McDonald gurn of the week. Thanks go to our blogger Tvor for this week's gurn. It's one you haven't seen before on screen but watch out for it on one of the Coronation Street episodes to be shown on Monday 3rd August.

If you've captured a good Corrie Steve gurn and want to share it via the blog, do email it in.

To see more gurnage from Stevie McGurn, have a look here, there's loads. Some good, some bad and some really very funny.

Sneak preview of next week's Corrie, August 3-7

Without any piffle, here's the storyline for the week ahead on Coronation Street, all wrapped up nicely in 50 words or less.

Week of Monday 3 August to Friday 7 August

Rosie finds Fiz’s ring, gives it to Sally and Fiz nicks it back, Becky shops for wedding frock, Michelle returns and Rosie’s jealous when Luke flirts, Joe's arrested for breaking into the medical centre for drugs and Tina and Jason buy No. 12.

The full weekly preview, with pictures, is right here on Corrie.net

Missed last week's Corrie?
Catch up with the Coronation Street Weekly Updates

Are YOU in the Corrie Closet?

No, I'm not talking about the closet (or cupboard) that Corrie writers seem to throw our characters in when they're not of use for quite some time.

I'm taking about Closet-ed Corrie viewers. Corrie viewers that keep their Corrie viewing a secret for whatever reason. I came across an article written by a man about how much he enjoys DVR (digital video recorder - to record TV to watch later), and thanks to it, he can watch all of his "secret" unmanly shows that he doesn't want people to know he watches. Among those shows, Coronation Street was listed as a "secret" show that men his age secretly watch.

It got me thinking. Are you Corrie Closeted? I assume if you're on this blog, you might be quite "out" about your preferred viewership, but I could be wrong. This could be an anonymous way to get in your Corrie goodness without anyone in your immediate circle knowing!

Well, I'm definitely "out" as far as my love for Coronation Street is concerned, but I might get red in the face if anyone found out how much terrible reality TV I love to watch, or how I never miss an episode of Antiques Roadshow. Or that I own the entire DVD box sets for Little House on the Prairie (my mother bought them for me, I swear). And don't even get me started with movies! I watched Twilight at home, by myself, with curtains drawn!

Why are a lot of Corrie fans closeted? For the same reasons as the man in the last article, because a show like Corrie isn't "manly?" Maybe you're a young person, and think that watching Corrie, or soaps, is something exclusive to nursing homes? Or maybe you're an intellectual who, while finding Corrie an enjoyable guilty pleasure would never admit to filling your time with seemingly unintellectual fare? Or are you one of those "excuse" watchers? Such as those husbands who watch the show with their wives, truly love the show, but just tell people he watches it only cause his wife's got it on all the time?

If you're closeted, tell us why! (don't worry, you can stay anonymous!)

Fiz Brown goes green

There's a great little interview with Jennie McAlpine, who plays Coronation Street's Fiz Brown, where she explains about the Mood Swings charity she's involved with and her time as a stand-up comedian.

Did you know that Jennie came second (twice) in the Young Comedian of the Year, and that she spent four years doing stand up comedy before joining rival soap Emmerdale for 3 years. She landed the role of Fiz, as a result of her brilliant comic timing and says simply, “I love jokes and just being around funny people.” Read the full interview here.

See also: Fiz Brown look-a-like

Meet Antony Cotton on Saturday August 1st

Poundland are opening yet another store, this time at 23 Town Square, Basildon on Saturday 1st August. Antony Cotton, who plays Coronation Street's Sean Tully, will be officially opening the new store and you can see him there on Saturday from 10am.

There'll be the chance to win prizes, with 50 lots of £1 vouchers or take part in the ‘checkout challenge’ to win £50 worth of Poundland vouchers. Poundland is also giving away 500 bumper packs of 12 Kodak batteries. The fun continues all day with Poundland’s in-store DJ, spinning the essential party tunes and entertaining customers, giving away balloons and sweets.

Jason and Tina: a Corrie supercouple?

Ah, the soap supercouple. A loosely defined title that brings to mind the camp excess of American daytime soaps. From Stan and Hilda to Ken and Deirdre Corrie has had its fair share of strong partnerships. Are Jason Grimshaw and Tina McIntyre the newest force to be reckoned with on t'Street?

I never really 'got' Jason and Sarah, and I certainly didn't 'get' Tina and David, but now that both sexpots have freed themselves of Platt misery, could greater things be afoot? Paying little attention to David and ploughing ahead with their plans for number 12 (former stomping ground of that other Street supercouple, Steve and Karen McDonald) it does seem that nothing can topple them!

Street Style: Maria Connor's Turquoise Delight

This Street Style edition is featuring a turquoise pendant necklace that Maria Connor wore on the Friday July 24th, 2009 episodes.

Maria's jewellry selection reflects her personal style: chic, timeless, and young with a little bit of funk. Notice how she wears this turquoise necklace with a white camisole and a plum cardigan. Those items don't "match", but they "go." Pairing bold colours together is very chic and up-to-date. No matching eyeshadow to the twin-set for Maria!

The necklace may have been a gift from Liam, or a friend. But more than likely, it's an item she bought for herself. I think Maria is an independent woman, and I hope she stays that way! If you know what I'm sayin'!

Here's where you can get a necklace similar to Maria's:

Pendant: Silverado, MVP11 turquoise bead charm (click here)
Chain: Silverado, MPC03 gold monica vinader fine chain (click here)
For posher tastes: LaScala, Hirschfelds, Item N712TQ (click here)
____
Is there anything you've ever seen on the Street that you'd like to have, but don't know where you can find something similar? Are you interested in any particular character's personal style or decorating style? For any Street Style requests, send me a line!

Can Eddie Windass bake his way into your heart?

I'm still not that keen on the Windass clan. But the one thing that heartens me is that Eddie Windass enjoys baking. Not only that, he's good at it and uses his baking skills to build bridges with the neighbours. A cake in exchange for his son beating up David? Done!

Anyway, the upcoming previews say that Eddie Windass offers to bake the wedding cake for Steve McDonald and Becky Granger. And I reckon that could mean Eddie moves up a rung on the ladder in Corrie fans' hearts if the cake goes to plan and everyone's happy. Of course, it's got the potential to go horribly wrong...

Coronation Street Weekly Update, July 27 2009

Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. I’m still on jury service this week so the update has to be quick and easy as I take my place in court within the hour in what’s probably the most grown-up thing I’ve ever done in my life. But anyway, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.

Freda and freesias arrive at Emily’s front door and Emily’s over the moon to see her niece again. Fortunately for Freda, she can turn her deaf ear to drown out Norris complaining about Ramsay chatting up her aunt but she and Norris then form an unlikely alliance against Ramsay. Freda’s got a nasty streak in her, she hasn’t been at Emily’s for 10 minutes before she’s dissing Ramsay, someone she’s only just met and whom Emily is clearly fond of. Norris of course is lapping up Freda’s every evil last word.

“Jump! Jump!” we yelled at the telly in our house when Claire was up on the roof at th’ospickle. Oh go on, you know you said it too. And when she showed no signs of jumping. we yelled out to Ashley “Push! Push!” Claire wants Ashley to have a vasectomy as she’s so scared of getting pregnant again in case the postnatal depression sends her over the edge like it did when she had little Freddie. Ashley gowns up and goes private but when he sees the knife looming towards him, does a runner and gets laughed at. He hasn’t told Claire he hasn’t had the snip though, she thinks he’s had it done and is now waiting for th’ospickle to send her his bits that she can keep with his balls in her handbag.

At Underworld, Rosie wants to create her own line of lingerie and decides she can’t go wrong with a thong although Messrs Strong and Gordon clearly disagree.

Joe’s begging Graeme to get him more pills but Graeme won’t oblige and Joe’s stranded up pill creek without a paddle. David finds out what’s going on and nicks Joe’s pills so he can sell them back to him at £100 a pop. I want this story to be over and I want Gail to smile again.

In the course of a sentence, a future storyline of Corrie spun and changed over a café table at Roy’s. Eileen goes: “Ooh, I’ve got twelve thousand pounds I never knew I had from my dad’s shares and by eckersyerlike, isn’t number 12 Coronation Street up for sale?” And so it came to pass that Jason and Tina decide to buy No. 12, do it up and sell it and Eileen will give them some cash.

Barry and Helen are thrown out over at Maria’s when Tony warns them about staying away from Maria and baby Liam, whose got the sleek, black Connor hairdo already. Maria is so annoying, I could slap her but you know, it’s a television screen and I’d just hurt my hand.

Jason Grimshaw joins a new football team this week when invited by Leon, Sean’s new friend. Jason’s the only one who doesn’t know it’s a gay football team and thinks Leon’s being friendly, not flirtatious. Even Eileen knows that her son’s playing for the other side but she’s too wrapped up watching Clout singing Substitute on You Tube. “They were the Spice Girls of their day,” she tells Tina. No they weren’t, I replied, not that I was asked, but there's no denying it's a cracking song.

Over at the pub, Slug warns Becky to be careful and look out for herself. He doesn’t mention DC Hooch or planted drugs and perhaps he should’ve done, he was being too subtle and Becky’s not too bright. Steve rings the register office and books their wedding, again, for two weeks’ time. He asks Lloyd to be his best man and hopes that Liz will make it back from Spain. Lloyd hopes so too.

And finally, Chesney’s fed up. He calls Fiz “a stupid cow”, flings a beer can at Eddie Windass and throws his new trainers around the house as they’re “uber-minging to the max”. Well, it’s the lad’s birthday, his mum’s forgotten and his sister’s bought him the wrong size shoes and all she cares about is stupid Stape in prison. Give the lad a break.

Best scene of the week for this Corrie fan was Gail doing low-impact aerobics with packets of frozen peas on her legs. Wonderful stuff, I’m going to give it a try now.

And that’s just about that for this week.

Find out more about these Coronation Street Weekly Updates.

Coronation Street writers this week were Debbie Oates, Martin Allen, Carmel Morgan, Peter Whalley and Jonathan Harvey.

Glenda
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Blogging away merrily at http://flamingnora.blogspot.com/

Is Becky Granger a Coronation Street icon?

The Radio Times this week have a Coronation Street barmaids special with a picture of Becky in a Manet painting on the front cover. The tag line under the picture reads "The making of a Coronation Street icon".

Do you think Becky Granger deserves to be called a Corrie icon? Isn't iconic status deserved only after many years, decades even, or does Becky deserve icon status already?

Fred Elliot in top 5 soap blokes poll

Fred Elliott came 5th in a poll of top soap blokes, as voted by the readers of Loaded magazine.

Fred is the only one from Coronation Street who featured in the top 10 of the poll, won by Harold Bishop from Neighbours.

Radio Times tribute to Becky Granger

Look out for the cover of the Radio Times this week as Coronation Street barmaid Becky Granger is transformed into a Manet painting.

Radio Times celebrates Becky behind the bar of the Rovers Return with a special cover paying tribute to Manet’s famous painting, ‘A bar at the Folies-Bergere’. Plus there are interviews with Katherine Kelly and actresses who have played previous barmaids Bet Lynch (Julie Goodyear) and Vera Duckworth (Liz Dawn).

You'll have to buy the Radio Times if you'd like to read the interview but their website has some other good Corrie stuff - click here.

That Odious Man: Mon July 27, 2009 Corrie Episode Review

Written by Peter Whalley (7:30) and Jonathan Harvey (8:30), directed by David Kester.

Much to Gail's delight, David offers to help Joe clean out his lock-up and Joe accepts. David notices Joe's pill-popping with a mischevious smile on his face. He and Tony should have an evil show-down. Joe's got a huge bonfire going of junk from his lock-up. He may as well throw his dignity in the fire too, although it'd probably spread the flames to lethal proportions. David waits until Joe's back is turned to take his pill bottle, and empties the pills into his pocket. He then takes the empty bottle and tells Joe that now he's got no pain, he doesn't need those old meds. David then tosses the bottle into the fire and Joe screams a resounding "Noooooo." He freaks out, then pretends it's fine to save face. Dastardly David has such an evil smirk spread across his face.

Back home, Joe gets annoyed David continues to talk about the pills he threw into the fire. He's gonna blow! And blow he does. He's in complete withdrawal and on an irate rampage. Gail immediately asks David what happened. David says he has no clue. Outside, Joe asks Graeme for more drugs, but Graeme says tells him no. David comes out and interrupts the conversation. David tells Joe that he can probably get him some pills from his connections from juvie. What does David want Joe under his thumb for now?

Is Gail doing leg-lifts with frozen bags of peas? Does she do arm curls with soup cans? Joe comes in and apologises to Gail for his behaviour for about the 50 billionth time. David charges Joe 50 quid for the drugs he stole from Joe. Oh, man.

Jason and Tina come over and ask Joe if he can fit them a kitchen for free. Pfft!!! They manage to find a way (credit) for it all to work out. They also say that they want to keep the fact that they're buying a place together on the "down-low" from David. Oh, honestly! He's going to find out, why not at least tell him yourself? Later, David tells Joe that the pills actually cost 100 quid, and of course, Joe pays up. David is pure evil. I actually feel sorry for Joe now, believe it or not.

Jason, none-the-wiser, had a great time playing on the gay football team with Leon. He just loves Leon and the team dynamics. Eileen and Tina both teasing him about it. Eileen and Tina sure seem to get along well. Although Eileen gets along with most people, who don't have the surname Platt, that is.

Becky discusses with Steve the date of their wedding when her phone rings and she makes an excuse to leave the room and answer it. It's Slug, he's in his "Slug Gear" and he's in front of the pub. Becky meets him outside and gets him a meal in the cafe. Slug warns Becky to watch herself and be careful. He's said all he can. Becky takes this warning with a grain of salt. Becky's hairpiece is chavtastic by the way. Steve is jealous that Becky's talking with Slug again.

Steve tells Becky that the registry office has a cancellation for the 14th of August, but he said no to that date since it won't give them enough time to plan. Becky insists that he call them back and accept. The date is set. In two weeks we'll all have front-row seats for what should be the Corrie wedding of the year! Steve asks Lloyd to be his best man and Lloyd hopes the wedding will bring Liz back. We're all hoping for that.

Audrey brings Helen to the salon to get her hair sprayed by Natasha. "What'll it be today, ma'am?" "Oh, just a little off the ends, a blow-dry and a Tony-bashing." Natasha tells Helen the story of Tony viciously dumping her. Audrey is getting nervous listening to Natasha and Helen go on about dangerous Tony and decides to stop over there.

At Maria's, Audrey asks Maria if she doesn't think that maybe Tony does fancy her. Maria IS being naive! Or she's in denial. If Tony really was a saint that just helped people for NO reason, then why isn't he over at Fiz's helping her with her prison-wedding plans? Or helping Janice study for her nursing exams? Or Rosie with her knicker designs? Tony arrives and Maria asks him, in front of Audrey, if there's a reason that he's so helpful to Maria. After a quick tea, Audrey promises Maria she'll stop listening to Helen. Tony tells Audrey that he might be able to manage a truce, which Audrey is grateful for.

Audrey is enjoying a drink with Helen and Barry when Tony comes into the pub. Tony says he came to the pub to apologise to Helen and to buy her a drink. He tells them he went too far, and was trying only to protect Maria and Liam Jr. Helen's not sure about taking the apology, but she will take that drink. That's my girl!

Tony's charm seems to work since it got Helen and Barry to come back to Maria's with an open mind. They all decide to call a truce in favour of Baby Liam. Helen puts on a new face, but when Tony and Maria are out of earshot she tells Barry that they must get Maria away from that odious man. Odious indeed.

It's Chesney's birthday, and surprise, Cilla didn't remember it! If she's still alive. Chesney has slept in and forgone his paper round. Chesney's very cavalier about his paper round duties not caring if he gets fired, and very ungrateful for his birthday gifts. He accuses Fiz of being so obsessed with John Stape that she can't remember what size his birthday trainers should be. How very uncharacteristic of him. Is he drinking from the same spout as David Platt? Chesney's not happy that Fiz is going to see John on his birthday and refers to John as Fiz's "paedo-partner." The poor kid.

Fiz enlists Sophie and Sian to cheer Chesney up. Sophie and Sian stop by with a "birthday gram" for Chesney and invite him bowling. Oh come on, spending your birthday with two good looking girls? That's got to be better than hanging out with your sister! Poor Chesney has no dosh though, so he can't go. My heart bleeds for this kid, truly it does. Chesney's really not having the best birthday. He even assaults Eddie with a can after Eddie accuses him of mixing up their paper deliveries! Not that I minded the scene, but it's most out of character for Chesney. Hopefully he won't follow in the similar footsteps of an older ginger-haired boy on the street.

On this day in Corrie history - July 27th 1981

Here's a little blast from the past, one that perhaps Ken and Deirdre may prefer to forget. On July 27th 1981, Ken Barlow married Deirdre Langton (for the first time). Their wedding proved to be a national event, with massive viewer numbers earned for Coronation Street.

In pictures: David Platt's new girlfriend

Yesterday we revealed that David Platt is going to get a new girlfriend. And today the official Corrie site at itv.com have full details about her.

Actress Kirsty-Leigh Porter has been cast to play David’s new girlfriend Zoe. Kirsty-Leigh has previously appeared in shows such as The Street, Doctors and Ashes to Ashes. David will meet Zoe after he washes her hair in the salon and invites her to attend Tina and Jason’s housewarming party with him.

Kirsty-Leigh will begin filming this week, on Wednesday 29 July. More pictures of Kirsty-Leigh can be found online here.

Ena Sharples in cricket shocker

Following the news that England cricketer Andrew Flintoff is a fan of Coronation Street, I could not resist digging out this photograph of Violet Carson taking her turn at the crease.

What a fab photo!

Spot the Corrie star

I love a good guessing game, so I do, and this one might be tricky! Can anyone guess the current Corrie star in this picture? Again, no prizes, but we might be able to dig out an old copy of 'Chit Chat' or some out of date Frescho taramasalata.

Click the picture to make it larger.

Mind Your Own: Fri July 24, 2009 Corrie Episode Review

Written by Martin Allen (7.30pm) and Carmel Morgan (8.30pm), directed by Dominic LeClerc.

Grammy Connor gets on Maria's nerves by pointing out that she was out late last night. Well, she did wear her earrings to bed. Grammy asks if she was out with Tony. Geesus, none of your business, woman! Tony comes by to bring Maria a Thomas the Tank Engine bookset for Liam Jr. noting that he may get a chance to read them to him when he's older. Oh no! Another hint my terrible view of Liam Jr.'s future might come true! (where Tony is his father figure whom he adores his entire life like a father, until the day he finds out that Tony killed his REAL father). Mammy Connor tells Tony that they've no plans to go home at the moment.
Mammy Connor once again hassles Maria over her and Tony's relationship. That woman has some nerve. Mammy Connor KNOWS that Tony's up to no good, and something strange is going on. Come hell or high water, Mammy Connor wants to protect that baby. Good luck! Maria complains to Tony about it, and Tony tries to tell her to ignore them. Not. Really. Working.

Barry Connor pops into the Rovers to have a jovial chat with Betty. See, she's very chipper today folks, so I guess she's not so "Ugly Betty" after all. Just takes a silver fox to come along to turn her frown upside down I suppose. I didn't realise that Tony still wore his wedding band. Tony lays it out for Barry: take your wifey and leave. Barry feebly defends them against Tony's strong-arm. Poor Helen looked devastated when Barry told her that Tony threatened them that if they didn't back off that they might never see their grandson again.

Helen marches over to Tony and lays it out for him: he'll not be threatening them regarding their grandson. Tony tells her that she's doing Maria's head in and it's his business, since Maria's his friend. Helen accuses Tony of liking widows, or vulnerable women in general, because it makes him feel like more of a man. That's a red button she's pushed! Tony tells her to take her toxic tongue and her tubby hubby back to the land of beggorah and bejesus. He tells her life goes on, and asks her "Liam, who?" Scathing! Hell hath no fury like a Tony scorned! Poor Helen just bursts into tears after Tony saunters off. Oh, the poor woman! Poor her and poor Maria for terrible Tony coming into their lives and ruining them.

Helen warns Maria against Tony, that she has no idea what sort of man she's getting herself involved in. She's very right. This is her third red-flag against Tony now! Now it's Helen warning her, before it was Natasha, and even prior to that it was her very OWN conscience! Helen gets vicious and accuses Maria of having Tony warming her son's side of the bed. Maria's had enough and opens the door and tells them to get out. Then she lets it out to them that their son wasn't very "precious" at all, and that he was cheating on HER, but of course they can hear no evil about Liam and don't believe her. They leave after her final insistence.

Audrey picks up Helen and Barry at the pub and tells them they're staying with her. Maria calls Tony over immediately. Tony consoles Maria with an intimate embrace and a kiss on the forehead. Saved by the bell! Us from that awkward moment that almost led to a kiss, that is!

Jason and Tina are still on their house-hunt. Eileen complains about having to cash some, what she thinks rubbish, shares of her father's. She also tells Jason and Tina that No. 12 Coronation Street is up for sale. How convenient! Heaven forbid they had to find a property off the street. Good thing it's an affordable neighborhood.

Ashley decides to go ahead with his vasectomy. Real front page news here. Claire comes home from the hospital. Claire decides to tell Eileen that Ashley's going for a vasectomy! She figures Eileen will find how sooner or later. Erm, HOW? That's none of Eileen's business! Which Eileen clearly stated and is clearly written across her face. Eileen goes and tells Lloyd and Peter about the vasectomy gossip via sign language, making a scissoring motion with her fingers. Naughty Eileen! Peter lets the cat out of the bag that Eileen told them and Claire told Eileen about the vasectomy. Peter accompanies Ashley to the chopping block, making jokes about it all along the way. With Peter's track record, maybe he should take the next appointment!

Ashley's tell-tale heart is beating in his ear as he gets nervous and panics in the operating room. Ashley runs out and tells Peter that he just can't do it. Peter tells him to get his clothes on, and they'll get out of there. With a smirk on his face. Ashley doesn't know how he's going to tell Claire. He lies and tells Claire he had it done and feels guilty after she thanks him for going through with it.

Norris' daily rant: junk-mail hypocrisy. Ramsay continues to rub the trainers in Norris' face. We get it. He likes the trainers that YOU bought him. Get over it Ramsay, you're annoying now! Emily could take a shower in Ramsay's sweat though, that's how in love with him she is.

Ramsay's slang word-of-the-day: chill. Oh, he's bloody cringe-inducing sometimes. Freda thinks the same thing and admits to Norris that Ramsay gets on her nerves. Ramsay makes Freda feel patronised. That's it! That's the word I was searching for. Ramsay is patronising. Norris and Freda spend the day making fun of Ramsay. Loved Norris "signing" a gun to his head with the thought of having a drink with Ramsay and co. later.

Well, it seems that Graeme has found someone to banter with in Roy Cropper. The universe is full of many different paths on many different journeys, and every so often, some of those paths intersect in a moment true perfect alignment. That's what I felt I was experiencing watching Graeme and Roy go on about cocoa.

Joe finds another moment to pester Graeme for his precious pills. Graeme says he can get him some for 50 quid. Joe is upset that his drug habit is turning out to be costly. Really? A costly drug habit? You don't say... Oh, now the man attempts to grub money off his CHILD for drugs! For shame! He later found a more abundant (and unguarded) resource for cash in the form of Gail's purse. How can anyone honestly like this guy any more now? First he treats Gail like garbage, uses her, now steals her money to buy drugs? He's bad news bears. I wonder who'll get the rap for stealing that money now? Speak of the David, he walks into the pub and notices strange tension between Graeme and Joe. How long until he exploits Joe's problem for his own gain? Graeme tells David about him dealing prescription drugs to Joe. David just eats it up.

At the gym, Sean finds Leon talking to Jason and trying to get him to come out for a game with him sometime and quickly intervenes. How soon before he entangles himself in this web of lies? Jason is none-the-wiser, of course. Uh, oh. Looks like Jason had invited Leon to the Rovers without Sean knowing. Oh, I can already smell the poop hitting the fan, and it's bad. Leon figures just that Sean is just weird and full of it. Leon spots Jason kissing Tina, and Sean points out that Tina is his "beard." lol. Sean's having a hard time convincing Leon that Eileen is a Jehoovah's Witness after meeting her. Gambling, drinking, the lot. Leon accuses Eileen of being a hypocrite!

David Platt to get sexy new girlfriend

In the interview Craig Gazey gives to The Star, he reveals an upcoming spoiler for Coronation Street. David Platt is about to get ­another new girlfriend and Corrie are in the process of ­casting a "hot new female star".

Craig said: “It’s not fair! David gets all the hot girls and now he’s going to get another one. Graeme hasn’t even had a sniff of a woman since he arrived. I’ve always said I would love to see Graeme with either a ­really fat, funny chav or a really hot girl. He goes on about never being able to pull. So people have said it would be hilarious if Graeme suddenly turned up with this amazingly hot woman on his arm. She would have to be a bit chavvy though.”

Grace Dent's take on Dev's Uncle Umed

The marvellous Grace Dent, she of the World of Lather in The Guardian, had a few things to say about Uncle Umed this week, things I've been saying for ages!

Back in May, I reckoned he was a fake. Grace agrees, calling him a "compulsive liar". He's been spinning stories ever since he arrived, quite suddenly after a generic: "Hey how you doin', drop in if you're ever in the neighbourhood," email from Dev. Having said that, I am finding him funny in a pathetic sort of way.

Grace also called Molly "Daisy Duke", Tyrone "the walking Weetabix" and Claire, "nagging, airtime-squandering wife" (*snork*) She adores Graeme as do most of us, his philosophy and Greek chorus-ability a steady source of amusement and wonder. (Last night he and Roy got into a discussion about cocoa. Roy thought he'd found a kindred spirit but Graeme doesn't really like the stuff, he was just curious! Wonderful!)

Craig Gazey stalked by crazy Corrie fan

Craig Gazey, who plays fab Coronation Street butcher Graeme Proctor, reveals to The Star that he's being stalked by a female fan - and as you'd expect, he's not best pleased. The paper reports that security at the studios has been stepped up to protect Craig.

He said: "There’s this Irish girl who will not leave me alone – she’s properly stalking me. She came over all the way from Ireland to hang outside the gates. There’s not many people with the name Gazey on Facebook and she basically sent messages to all of them asking if they were related to me. She’s been ­desperate to get to know me for ages. It’s all a bit full-on." Poor lad.

This week's awards and best lines from Corrie

Deer in the Headlights: Ashley. I could hear a distinct "BUCK BUCK BUCKAWWW" in the background.

"Happy" Families award: Gold Star: The Barlows. That scene at Peter's alcoholics meeting was classic stuff. Airing the family dirty laundry, running rough shod over the recovering alcoholics. Blanche probably had the best day of her whole year, Ken got the best advice from a down and out fella with dirty fingernails and Deirdre got to humiliate Ken further.

Silver Star: The Connors. Mammy Connor mithering the life out of Maria over the baby and Tony. Tony pushing them all out the door, or trying to, but Maria had the honour of the final ejection.

Bronze Star: The Peacocks. Claire regains consciousness and Ashley tells her in the next breath that she lost the baby that she didn't know she was having. Claire is so terrified of a repeat of the Post Natal depression if she got pregnant again, that she's insisting on Ashley having the snip but he bottled it!

Tempest in a teapot: Gold Star The headlines screamed CLAIRE'S SUICIDAL! She wasn't at all, not really. Just upset, feeling both guilty, scared and a bit closed in back in her hospital room. Ashley went beserk, was far more upset than she was.

Silver Star: Norris. For all his whinging and moaning, he didn't have any trouble running around to all the cobblers trying to get fixed the shoes that he'd torn up.

Lines of the week:
Peter: "It's just a load of people sitting around in a circle talking about their problems." Blanche "Anything's better than Loose Women!" (and just about anything Blanche said in the meeting, too!)

Peter, after the fallout: "Whichever way you look at it, I'm screwed!"

Norris: "I'll just lie here slowly rotting away, shall I?" Emily: "If you like!"

Tony to Helen Connor: "Why don't you take your toxic tongue and your tubby hubby back to the land of Begorrah and BeJesus."

Anne Kirkbride flees Spanish fires

Anne Kirkbride, who plays Coronation Street's Deirdre Barlow, was forced to flee her holiday villa in Spain after it was threatened by bush fires.
Raging wildfires have been sweeping through the country for the last few days, claiming the lives of six firefighters.

Anne was forced from her villa near Mojacar in the the south east of the country. An ITV spokeswoman said: "The fires in the region mean that Anne did have to leave for a while but she is now back in her villa."

Kym Marsh's hair and beauty secrets

Kym Marsh reveals all about her hair and beauty regime in The News of the World's Fabulous magazine this weekend.

So if you'd like to know how the actress who plays Coronation Street's Michelle Connor keeps her hair so shiny or her skin so, you know, washed, want to know about her liposuction and boob job, then click here to read more.

Street Style: Corrie Classic, The Jack Duckworth Files

Where to begin? How about at the beginning? Jack Duckworth definitely embodies "classic Corrie" since his arrival on the street in 1979. Up until this very day, Jack Duckworth remains to be an invaluable character on Corrie and one of my personal favorites!

Plainly put, Jack Duckworth is a man who enjoys the simple things in life: sipping a pint, enjoying his pigeons, and relaxing at home in his vest. Ever since the passing of his dearest Vera, Jack Duckworth has found his feet and a new lease on life again with the help of good old friends and the companionship of a new friend, Connie.

Jack's classic style is clearly based in the trends of decades passed. Jack is a reasonable, unfashionable man who dresses for function, not style. He's simply too cool to care. However ironic, Jack's careless style of decades past is beginning to come full-circle. His style is no longer out-dated, but "retro", or "vintage." It's like running laps: sometimes you're so far behind that eventually when everyone catches around to you up again it looks like you're ahead!

Here's how to look like a man who's ahead of his time:
Vest: Amazon, Joe Browns, 3pk Utility Vests (click here)

Braces: Tim Garner, Men's Braces - Navy (click here)
Watch: Ernest Jones, Accurist Men's Gold Plated Brown Leather Strap Watch (click here)

Trousers: Debenhams, Maine New England, Brown Essential Chino Trousers (click here)

Eyeglasses: Retrospecs, Aviator Pembroke (click here)

Pigeon: You can find your very own Pigeon at http://www.pigeonfarms.com/Racing_Homer_Pigeons_For_Sale.html. Although I DO NOT advocate purchasing a pigeon as a pet unless you have the farm facility and the ability and experience to care for it. A great alternative is go to to the local park and observe these beautiful birds in their natural habitat. Maybe even some places you can bring feed for them!

Friday's Corrie troublesome teaser

What better way to start the weekend than with a Coronation Street conundrum? To test the best Corrie brains, I'll be making these questions quite difficult! If you think that you've got the answer, do leave a comment. Without further ado, here's today's question:

Deirdre Hunt married Ray Langton on 7th July 1975. For the occasion, Rita bought Deirdre a very ordinary present. What was it?

There isn't a prize, just the kudos!

Corrie's Ugly Betty?

Ugly? Betty? Certainly not! For an 89 year-old, Betty Williams is in pretty good nick, but I'm talking personality, not physical attributes here. There's only one thing about Coronation Street that leaves me in a muddle: when did the Queen of the Hotpot get so darn miserable?

Betty's never suffered fools gladly, but her once hearty laugh and cheerful attitude have now been replaced by a whinge, a grimace and a sharp 'tut'.

It hasn't all been moonlight and roses for Betty. With two husbands deceased, MyGordon down south and sister Maggie missing in the Democratic Republic of the Congo since 1974, perhaps being sacked from the Rovers by Poppy was a knock too far.

Will Betty's spirited laugh ring out across the beer dregs once more? I hope so!

Yay or Nay - should Deirdre Barlow have an affair?

News that Nick Tilsley's returning to Coronation Street made Tvor speculate over who he'd end up with under the duvet and back on the Street. I'm hoping he'll become a toy-boy for Deirdre, it's about time she got her own back on Ken.

And she's got form, has Deirdre. She's played away before, with Dev, and isn't immune to the charms of a younger man as we saw when she married Samir.

So, come on Corrie, give Deirdre something to smile about. Why not give her a new fella to brighten up her mid-life. We're talking about a woman with a life so dull, she gets excited by Nutty Flakes these days - and that just can't be right. She doesn't even play the harmonica any more.

See also: Is Deirdre Barlow the new Phyllis Pearce?

Corrie's fab photo Friday - July 24, 2009

Another blast from the past from 1982 for this week's Coronation Street's fab photo Friday. You'll recognise a young Gail Platt, I'm sure, but for 10 points and a virtual chocolate wafer of your choice, which real-life musician played the part of the fella chatting her up in the caff?

Have a look at previous fab photos here.

Michelle Keegan on playing Street sexpot

I love the tabloid press at times, I really do. Where else would you find the word sexpot in a headline? Anyway, Michelle Keegan, who plays Coronation Street's Tina McIntyre, is, according to the Mirror, a sexpot. Discuss.

Michelle says this about her first day on the set: “I was thinking, ‘Any minute now they’re going to realise I can’t do it’. One of my first lines was calling Gail Platt a ‘power-crazed midget’. I felt really cheeky saying it, so I said sorry afterwards." and “You never know when all this might end. I pinch myself every day because it’s like a dream – my worry is I’ll wake up and it won’t be real.”

She's interviewed in full about her time on Corrie and how it's changed her life. It's quite interesting and the full story is here.

Disturbia: Thu July 25, 2009 Corrie Episode Review

Written by Debbie Oates, directed by Dominic LeClerc.

Open to Claire in hospital, again. Ashley brings every item that Claire owns to the hospital for her. A blow-dryer is really useful in hospital. One must always keep up with one's personal appearance, even under duress. Honestly! It's almost like he's packed up all of her things and has taken them out of the house... Claire makes Ashley promise that he'll have his vasectomy as soon as possible. He settles for them discussing their options as soon as they get out of there.

Later, Ashley gets a call from the hospital that Claire has disappeared off the ward, *groan* Oh, no, what now? This is going to be so sad. Good lord, Lloyd and Ashley drive up to the hospital only to find Claire standing on the roof of the building looking forlornly into the skies. Ashley runs up to the roof. Claire says the air must be thinner up there, since it's harder to breathe. She's looking, that's all. Claire is a deeply disturbed woman. When are they going to lock her up and throw away the script? Ashley tries to coax her back inside. Claire reflects that there's so many people in the city and they're all getting on with their lives, and mostly, they're dying. Ashley is just freaking out, but Claire insists she just needed some fresh air. She asks Ashley to just sit with her. Claire blames herself for miscarrying and thinks that the baby must have realised she didn't want it, so it took off. Claire is more upset that she doesn't "feel" anything, and she thinks she should. She feels shamed for not feeling bad about losing her baby. Claire says she gets terrible anxiety even thinking about another pregnancy. Claire's afraid of being crazy again just like after Freddie. It doesn't seem to me she ever stopped being crazy! Claire is still haunted by her post-natal depression. Okay, I get that. But, why do WE have to re-live it all? Old news. She is a real Debbie Downer! Uh oh, looks like the police have arrived to bring her down formally. Ashley makes an excuse for Claire telling the police that it was his fault, they needed some privacy to talk and it was the only place available. Ashley mans-up and tells Claire he'll get the vasectomy. Claire gets her way, once again.

Joe argues on the phone to Len about work-related mishaps. Joe begs Graeme for more fancy-pills. Graeme turns him down, no chance whatsoever. Poor desperate Joe. Joe finds Graeme again and begs. He's vigorously stroking Graeme's arm when he begs. Ugh, this is really making me feel uncomfortable. It makes you wonder just how desperate he is... Creepy! "Please, please, please, I'm desperate," utters Joe to Graeme. Graeme caves to Joe, but makes no promises.

At Underworld, Rosie tells Luke all about these amazing designs she has in her head, only she can't draw, so what ever will she do? Rosie decides to create a "mood board" to relay her design ideas. I wonder where she figured out how to do that? She presents her mood board and Luke tells her they'll make a sample. Rosie is elated at this news, Tony is deflated. If looks could kill. Oh wait, they just might. Tony looks on Luke with shame, but Luke throws Maria in Tony's face. Enough said.

Maria brings Baby-Liam over to the factory for a visit. Julie is in love with Baby-Liam and asks Sean if he'd like to hold him. Sean says he's drawn a line at the "baby-thing." Wow, is this alluding to his OWN baby that has since been forgotten? Maria moans to Tony about her overbearing mother-in-law. Tony's more than happy to be Maria's emotional punching-bag.

Tony comes to Maria's rescue again by sending off her in-laws to lunch for the day and has brought over take-out too. If only he weren't a murderer. Tony and Maria are enjoying their lunch together like the best of friends.

Maria later breaks the news to her in-laws that Baby-Liam will be christened, but not as a Catholic since Maria isn't Catholic. The in-laws aren't happy about that, since Liam was Catholic. Barry tells Maria to go out and get some fresh air, she can leave the baby with them. I wouldn't! I'd be afraid I'd come back and them and my baby would be gone! Helen is a little too "Hand that Rocks the Cradle" for me. When Maria's gone, Helen remarks that their marriage wouldn't have lasted had Liam been alive. Ouch!

Maria goes over to Underworld and tells Tony she needs a break, so Tony coaxes her into a drink at the Rovers.

Norris is vigorously slicing up his loafers with a screw-driver when Freda comes in! I'm sure this just makes Norris' day! Oh, I see, he's pretending his old shoes are damaged, thus giving him a reason to wear Ramsay's trainers. How sly. Ramsay and Emily come in and, apparently Ramsay knows sign language! Well so do I because when I was in school I was in the sign-language choir. It's not because I didn't make it into the regular choir, it's because I found that signing words from popular songs was simply a more cultured activity for an 8 year old. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Moving on, Freda shows Emily her engagement ring. I use the terms "engagement" and "ring" loosely. It's a black plastic heart-shaped gem that looks like it came out of a cracker. Makes Fiz's engagement ring look top-shelf. Freda says her fiance told her that the ring is temporary. Oh, that's what they all say, then you find yourself buried in it. Freda asks Emily if Ramsay is her fella. Emily says he's just Norris' brother. Mmm, hmm.

Hmm, so it seems that Freda hasn't actually met her fiance. They've been online romancing, and apparently he's saving up airfare to come next year. Uh, huh. OH! He's in PRISON! That explains it all! Maybe Fiz should inform her that getting married in prison is a valid option she and her fiance could consider. I should pull this entire scene on my mother, if I didn't love her so much. Oh, apparently Freda's fiance is in prison because he's been arrested for activism! He believes in freedom. Yeah, freedom of items from an electronics shop no doubt! Ramsay had gone to Freshco's and bought their entire herbal tea selection for Freda. Norris comes in with a fib about his shoes being unrepairable, telling the gang that he therefore has no choice by the wear the trainers. Oh, this ruse is just too much!