Greetings and welcome to another weekly update. I’ll have to be quick with the update this week as I’m in the middle of jury service and I’ll have to get me wig and gown on. Or is that what the judge wears? I wouldn’t want to clash. Anyway, without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.
Big story of the week is Norris and his bunion. He’s in agony and can barely step across the Kabin without mincing. Brother Ramsay buys him some bunion-relieving comfortable shoes but knows Norris won’t accept them if he knows Ramsay has bought them so Rita gives them to Norris and pretends they’re from her. Norris is in his element, he can mince without pain and fairly skips across the cobbles in his new pain-relief shoes. That is until he finds out the shoes are from Ramsay and then he refuses to wear them which is typical Norris, cutting of his nose to spite his face. Or in this case, cutting off the shoes to spite his feet. Anyway, with Ramsay out of the house cheering up Emily on a jolly to the shops, Norris can’t resist the shoes and slips them on again, hiding his feet under a blanket on the sofa and pretending he’s asleep with Emily returns home. Ooh, he’s naughty, that Norris.
Over at the Barlows’ there’s a new breakfast cereal on their table: Nutty Flakes – which sums the Barlows right up. Peter’s got an open AA meeting at the Rita Tushingham Community Centre and so with nothing better to do because he’s retired (Ken), she’s nosy (Blanche) and she’s just been sacked from her job at the Council and told to reapply for her own job (Deirdre) the Barlows accompany Peter to his meeting. And that’s when it all starts to go horribly wrong. I was laughing so long and loud at these scenes that I couldn’t take notes, it was brilliant stuff. Basically, Blanche started making her mouth go about the alcoholics in the room who were bearing their souls and their secrets, telling them that a spot of Bingo would sort them all out. And when Ken told Blanche to belt up, she ripped into him, joined in by Deirdre. “Is it any wonder I drink?” sighed Peter to the room. “I can’t take any more, I’m going for a drink!” yelled Deirdre as she walked out for a fag. Nutty Flakes, the lot of ‘em.
In the corner shop, Dev’s not happy with Uncle Umed’s sales techniques and tells him he doesn’t want him ripping off the customers any more. Mind you, I’d buy a chocolate fireguard off Umed if he gave me the line he gave Sally Webster in the shop when she popped in for some beans: “You have the mind of a philosopher and the face of an angel. That’ll be 43p please.”
Jack finds out this week that Connie’s worth a mint. He’s suspicious when Connie won’t take him home and thinks there’s summat up. And when Scarlett his best pigeon goes missing again, he thinks she might have made her way to Connie’s house for a second time and demands to visit Connie’s house. Connie sighs and knows she’s beat. She didn’t want Jack to see her house until she was ready but it’s been forced and so off they go. Hand in hand, Connie leads Jack to her house. It’s got an electric gate, conservatory, huge garden, a bar, billiards room and jacuzzi. Jack doesn’t quite know what to make of it and wonders why Connie’s kept it quiet. She’s a working woman, she says, it’s all a bit much for her and she asks Jack if he’d like to spend time with her there, he nods his head and agrees when Scarlett the missing pigeon turns up in Connie’s shrubs.
Slug’s been slithering all over Becky this week after he turns up in the Rovers and tells her he still loves her. He tries to put something in Becky’s bag when she’s out of the room but he’s thwarted. And if you thought Slug was slimy, he’s not half as full of mucus as DC Hooch who has set Slug up to get close to Becky to plant drugs on her. But it seems that Slug really cares for Becky and refuses to do Hooch’s bidding this time.
Claire collapses this week and she’s rushed to th’ospickle where she’s had a miscarriage with a baby she didn’t know she was pregnant with and suffers a clot when Ashley visits. It’s all so dull this storyline, Claire is the dullest person in the world of soap. She isn’t in it for months and then when she is, they give her a high-profile medical emergency, she moans, Ashley cries and it’s quiet for months until it happens again. Too dull for words.
Over at the Connor house, Barry and Helen arrive from Ireland to visit baby Liam. In the parlance of the day, it’s doing Maria’s head in. She spends more time with Tony and registers baby Liam’s birth without the baby’s grandparents which upsets them a lot. Helen then has a go at Maria for letting Ozzy sit so close to the baby and bless him, I swear Ozzy acted in this scene when Helen dissed the dog. Helen even goes so far as calling her daughter-in-law a tart while Barry tries to keep the peace between his missus and Maria. Baby Liam sleeps on, guarded by Ozzy.
And finally this week, Sean heads back to the gym and sits in the jacuzzi for three days waiting for Leon to turn up. Finally he does but he’s not interested in Sean, turning down Sean’s request to go for a drink. “I’m on Facebook!” screams Sean in desperation for Leon to get in touch, “And Twitter! And Gaydar!” Poor Sean, he’s wearing that aftershave again, the one that reeks of Eau De Speration.
And that’s just about that for this week.
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Coronation Street writers this week were Lucy Gannon, Julie Jones and Jonathan Harvey.
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