Cosy crimes and gritty sagas by Corrie Blog editor Glenda, published by Headline. Click pic below!

Saturday 28 March 2020

Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

Sweet Dreams Aren't Made Of This.  Monday's episode started with a dream sequence, which was annoying.  Firstly, it was really half-hearted - Gemma wandered downstairs and put a baby in the washing machine with a bit of a frosted glass filter.  Where's the fun in that?  She should've been dressed as Margaret Thatcher, and Chesney should've been a cow, and when she got downstairs it should've all been made of marshmallow, and when the baby went in the machine it should've sung It's Not Unusual.  Now THAT would've been a dream sequence.  Secondly, it didn't work, because dream sequences never do in Corrie.  This is a simple world, not the technicolor insanity of Hollyoaks.  Besides, soap opera dream sequences reached a pinnacle in 1990 with Bouncer's Dream on Neighbours; you may as well give up trying to compete because nothing will ever top that.

The best part of the dream was that Gemma spent the rest of the episode giving the washing machine the side eye, like it was a sentient monster from a particularly lazy Stephen King.  I'm not sure if they realised how camp this was, but it left me in stiches.

You'd have to have a heart of stone not to sympathise with poor Gemma and her post-natal traumas, particularly as the only person who's helping her is Bernie.  Paul and Billy are quite happy to play with the babies then leg it, while Chesney is too busy with the kebab shop to notice his girlfriend is an absolute mess.  What exactly is he doing over there all day?  Why does he have to go to the kebab shop at 9 am?  Who's buying a doner for breakfast?

Todd is still MIA.  Eileen had a brief moment of sadness because another Mother's Day had passed without word from her number two son.  He's living in a wood somewhere, Eileen, it's hard to get the cash for a card when you're living off acorns and grilled squirrel.  He might have been able to scrape something together out of bark and charcoal but where would he get a stamp?  Still, it was nice to get a mention of him.  I wonder if they're preparing the ground for a Todd return?  Bruno Langley has, after all, been prosecuted and served a punishment, and being fired is a pretty strong penalty on top of that.  I would hope he's suitably chastened by now.  All these mentions of Mother's Day created a time slip in the show, as we were explicitly told that Evelyn's aborted Friday date was "last night" in Monday's episode, but somehow an entire weekend had also happened in between.  I know, I know, I should really stop paying attention to this, especially now the episodes are going down to three a week and Wednesday becomes Monday and Friday is Wednesday.

Women deserve better.  Last week, I complained about Emma being treated like dirt again, and put part of the blame on Alina Pop!.  I apologise for this, because it's quite clear that Alina is just as badly treated, and really we should just blame men for being awful in general.  David used her as a quick bunk up to get over Shona, and Seb took great pleasure in telling her David was still married, because while they've split up he still regards her as his property somehow, and poor Alina was trapped in the middle of their masculine posturing.  I hope Emma and Alina kick Seb out of the flat and join forces.  They can become great friends and have enormous amounts of fun and only go out with a bloke if he actually deserves them.

Don't give up on her, baby.  Speaking of David, he took the news that Shona wanted a divorce incredibly badly, getting drunk on Stagg lager in the Community Garden.  (Stagg lager looks the absolute worst, doesn't it?  It looks like the very bottom of the bargain bin, the sort of stuff that's sold by the can for pennies in a basket by the checkout.)  I'm not sure why David was so bothered about Shona not wanting to be his wife any more.  Just say no, and she'll have to wait a couple of years before she can get a divorce, by which time her maternity leave will be over the therapy might have worked.  Plus she's got amnesia.  If you just turn up on Monday like nothing's happened you could very easily convince her she never asked for a divorce in the first place.

You need real skills to run a retirement community.  Charles saw a stain by a plant pot and was able to identify it as dog pee with one sniff.  That's a hell of a talent; I can only assume he was a bloodhound before he retired.  He promptly served Ken with a massive fine, and to be fair, I could see his point.  Stillwaters is so exclusive those carpets were probably hand-crafted in Cornwall by devotional nuns and can only be cleaned with springwater from Mount Snowdon or it'll damage the weft.  Ken, of course, took affront at this, because he hates being told what to do, but I think he was mainly annoyed that his teacher's pet antics in the Jackson Pollock art class hadn't impressed Charles.  Nobody likes a suck up, Ken.  You'd be better off being the Norris, sitting at the back dressed like a novelty condom and making sarky remarks.

As Corrie is going down to three episodes a week, next Saturday's blog post will be Two and a Half Things We Learned In Corrie this week.  I have to work with the material I'm given, folks.  Complaints via Twitter as usual @merseytart. 

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CK said...

I look forward to your posts every week!! Thank you for another great one!

popcorn said...

Another great post - thanks. Two and a half things we learned? Hahahaha.

Gav said...

Alina Pop! makes me laugh every time.

Sharon boothroyd said...

Fab post. when Gemma was locked out, why didn't she simply race over to the kebab shop and ask Chesney for his key? I'd assume both Chesney and Gemma both have front door keys and take them whenever they go out.(Like most people do- well, maybe the scriptwriters don't). Instead of using a bit of common sense, Bernie was forced to smash the window.
I love The scenes with Claudia and Eveleyn!
Re: missing Todd. I'd like to see Jason back and pair up with Emma.


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