Cosy crimes and gritty sagas by Corrie Blog editor Glenda, published by Headline. Click pic below!

Sunday 15 March 2020

Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

Bad deeds do go unpunished.  There's a certain sense of justice on soap operas - good will triumph over evil, the truth will out, criminals will eventually be punished.  It was therefore interesting to see Ali disappear off into the sunset this week given that he is an actual murderer.  A couple of years ago he yanked a pipe out of that awful drug dealer's chest and killed him, then lied to the police about it.  Normally this would come back to haunt him, but he seems to have coped quite well - even his drug addiction was pretty manageable, and when he decided to quit, he just stopped, with very little problem.  Billy had to be sent away to a monastery for months for proper rehab, and he's a man of the cloth with a strong moral compass. 

I suppose you could argue that losing his girlfriend, and his job, and his home is all a bit of a punishment, but he still drove away in a sporty Audi TT so he's not exactly on the bones of his backside.  If he'd actually been murdered by Gary, as was rumoured, there would have been a certain level of justice to it - a life for a life and so on.  It's a shame to see Ali go, because it leaves Ryan as a bit of an orphan (where is he actually living now, by the way? Has Ali left him to pay the rent on that Victoria Court apartment using only his DJing money?).  The main plus side of his departure is it's one less reason for Michelle to ever come back to Weatherfield.

Go out in style.  My mum recently moved to a retirement community by the sea, and while it's lovely, now I've seen Stillwaters I wonder if she could've done better.  The communal area in her apartment block is a sunny room with a telly and some comfy chairs; Stillwaters has a full service bar and a library.  The maintenance charge must be astronomical.  Ken didn't seem keen to move in there, while I'd have been gone like a shot.

Ken was probably in two minds because he'd had to leave Eccles back in Coronation Street, which was heartbreaking.  Poor Eccles - who must be about a hundred and four by now - is not only at the mercy of Tracy, he also has to share a home with Rover the dog and that cat (if she kept it - didn't Tracy say she was allergic?).  Ken waved a final goodbye to number 1 and while it was sad to see him depart, I actually hope he makes a new life at Stillwaters and lets that house become a family home again.  Back in the 90s, "Mayfield Court" existed to accommodate some of the older residents, with the likes of Phyllis and Maud living away from the Street but nipping into the Rovers and to see their friends.  It also meant that as they got in frailer health they could simply not be onscreen without a contrived explanation for why they weren't about.  With Ken in his 80s now, a time in a retirement community seems like the perfect way to make him part of the show, but not too overtaxed.  Also I really, really, want Tracy to get rid of Uncle Albert's manky old furniture.

Don't mix different social classes.  I've long been against the gentrification of the Street; it's all getting far too middle class for my liking with its restaurants and so on.  Why exactly are those yummy mummies - I forget their names, so let's call them Imogen and Cassandra, because that seems about right - coming all that way to attend storytelling classes in the rough end of town?  Isn't there a community centre in Oakhill where they can get hand made brioche and flat whites?  That way they won't have to see Gemma and her sweatpants at all.  Either Imogen or Cassandra - I can't tell them apart because all upper class blonde women are kind of the same - advised Gemma to get an au pair to help her out with the quads, in the most tone deaf advice from a posh person to the working classes since whatever Boris Johnson last said.  Can you imagine some nice innocent Swedish girl turning up at number 5 and having to deal with Chesney and Gemma's nonsense?  She'd be on the first plane back to Stockholm before she'd even changed a nappy.  Instead Gemma turned to her mum, in news that will thrill literally no viewers whatsoever.

Incidentally, this week's Amazing Jenny Bradley Face was of a very different tenor, as Sally Ann Matthews let a sadness wash over her as she talked about how precious babies are and how you should care for them.  Sal remembers that Jenny has lost a child, even if it's been kind of forgotten about by the producers. 

James is a one-off.  Imagine, just for a moment, that Amy woke up tomorrow and she'd turned into a unicorn.  Horn, hooves, sparkly tail, the lot.  The Barlows tried to keep it quiet, and let her carry on as normal, but at some point the wider world would notice and suddenly she'd become a cause célèbre.  There would be journalists at her door, requests for interviews, photographers and TV crews.  Amy wouldn't be just another girl - she'd be a unicorn in the middle of a very ordinary street, and she'd stick out a mile.

Unfortunately, James is now a unicorn.  There are no out gay professional footballers working in the UK.  There was Justin Fashanu, who died tragically, and some others have come out the closet after they retired from the game, but if James's sexuality became public that would be a big, big story.  He'd attract huge amounts of attention.  You could say that Wethy County is a small club, but it's paying its players salaries, and it has its own ground and press office.  It's a professional football team in the lower leagues, a Tranmere or an Oldham or a Port Vale, and fielding a gay footballer would be big news.

So now James's story has reached an important junction as we see where it goes, and either path doesn't look great.  James can be Britain's only gay footballer and become a celebrity - as he hinted at this week, Attitude magazine would be on the phone for a cover story within minutes.  That would kind of ruin the "ordinary backstreet" vibe of the show though.  How could you carry on doing everyday tales when a properly famous person lives at number three?  Alternatively, they have him stay in the closet, and be alone for the rest of his life, which is a real bummer.  (There is a third option, which is that he's outwardly straight but spends his evenings cruising for sex in woods and going to darkrooms to enjoy himself anonymously, but I doubt ITV are going to show that at 7:30 on a Monday night).  It'll be interesting to see where they go with this story, but I can't help thinking they've boxed themselves into a corner. 

Well done to Billy for getting one sniff of a new homosexual in the Street and immediately nipping round to offer support.  Billy is a kind of welcoming committee for The Gays; he deals with all the admin.  One more conversion and he gets a toaster oven.

Toyah has no transferable skills.  Dr Gaddas was on fire this week, sacking half her staff and displaying a delightfully acid tongue.  It meant Toyah was out on her ear and she immediately started looking for jobs as PAs in ethically suspect companies.  Why couldn't she get a job as, oh, I don't know, a counsellor?  It is what she's trained for after all, and while a lapse in judgement saw her out of the health centre, I'm sure there are other places that would employ her; there is a national shortage of counsellors after all.  She could even set up on her own, providing support in the home so she wouldn't even need an office.  But no, apparently she has to rush out and get the first job she could get before they became dangerously short of cash.  Quick reminder: Imran is an actual solicitor. 

I think Imran actually wanted Toyah to get a job quickly because he could see what this flat share was becoming.  With Toyah baking healthy snacks in an apron for Craig, Imran could see this becoming some kind of weird fake family with him as the dad, and he needed to put a stop to that fast before Craig starts asking him for advice about girls and trying to curl up on his lap.  He'll have Toyah working in the factory by the end of the week, qualifications be damned, just so everyone was forced to stand on their own two feet.

All five of these five things could have been about Roy and Nina and her bat boxes and Carla being wonderful to be honest, but I was all over them last week, and I thought I'd mix things up a little.  Complaints via Twitter @merseytart as usual.

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Sue said...

The street is hardly gentrified, the state of some of those front doors is shocking and the green mould on the windowsill that Bethany was hanging over last week was disgusting.

Catsmom said...

Poor Eccles. Ken should have asked about pets BEFORE deciding to move there. If it were me, that would change my mind.

Newfy Pearl said...

I am glad you mentioned the fact that Ali had murdered someone and gotten away with it. Most people have selective memories and do not bring this up.
I also see people refer to poor Ryan left behind. Let's face it, we have seen a softer more likeable side to Ryan but Ali treated him like dirt.
Even at the end, when he elbowed him in the belly to get to Gary, Ali did not apologise to Ryan. Nor did he thank him for standing by him when he had no one else.
Good riddance to Ali.

Sharon boothroyd said...

Great post.
I agree that the corrie team have boxed themselves in re: the gay footballer story. Also, they sill don't know what to with Toyah!
I think it's the same situation with Carla. She's supposed to be running Sinead's beard oil business (with the amount of bearded chaps on the street, she should be doing a cracking trade) but all she seems to do is serve in the cafe and talk to Roy and Nina.
Still Waters looks incredibly expensive and sleek. I'm not sure how the sale of a tatty terrace can sustain the high fees their for over ten years or so!
I won't miss Ali, but I too, wouldn't be prepared give up my much- loved pet in order to move house.
I know he's Alya's fella, but I can't see the point of Ryan staying, now the fam have gone and as you say Scott, how can he afford the rent on the Victoria court flat?
He works the odd shift at the rovers and occasionally DJ's - it's hardly a stable income!

coconno196 said...

I agree that Ryan has improved considerably but he needs a proper job. The writers have clearly forgotten all about the beard oil which was supposed to be Bertie's inheritance! Carla and Peter can't be earning much either, as waitress and occasional cab driver, and where does Tracy get all the customers for her back street florist's?

popcorn said...

I think it's a bit unfair to call Ali a murderer. I rather see it as him allowing someone - - - a very nasty someone - - - to die. I will miss Ali.

Anonymous said...

popcorn. He did not just let the man die. He pulled out the pipe knowing that the result would be that he would bleed out. If you really think about it, this was murder. Gary who was responsible for the roof collapse did not have a literal hand in the death of Rana, yet people don't mind calling him a murderer. He is more guilty of murder than Gary. And I am included the self defense killing of the load shark too.


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