Coronation Street Episode Review Monday 11th March

Michelle "feels" pregnant, which doesn't sound very scientific to me. Perhaps it's the menopause? She says she will go to Freshco to get a pregnancy test. Billy lures Robert away with a meeting at the council re: the bail hostel, so Michelle goes to open up the Bistro alone. Meanwhile, Jan and Anton are playing footy outside the factory and a loose ball hits Michelle in the stomach. Carla takes her to hospital, where 'Chelle finds out that she was never pregnant. She sobs, but admits to Carla that she's relieved and that she doesn't want to be up the duff ever again. Anton turns up to the Bistro with flowers, Robert hears the news and rushes off to find Michelle, who tells him that she doesn't want another baby and they should split up as they want different things. They screech at each other, Robert takes the name of Ruairi in vain and she stamps off. Is this all leading to a Robert/Vicky affair??

Unaware that the universe revolves around Ms Connor, Jan flirts with Eileen in the cafe, but she tells him she doesn't want to do her bit for Anglo-Polish relations and go on a date with him. Perhaps if he'd taken advantage of the £1 hair cut offer at It's Trim Up North (henceforth ITUN) last Friday, she might be more keen. Liz persuades her into going to the pub and have a semi-official date with the Baltic Bachelor. Unfortunately, sulky Seb stomps in and accuses Jan of nicking his job. Alright, Nigel Farage.

Evelyn is still in chokey in France (la chokée?), and owes a €750 fine, which Tyrone duly pays despite claiming that he doesn't want to see his nan again. Too late, she lets herself in the back door with the spare key and calls for Cerberus, but Tyrone intercepts her and chews her out, later admitting that he was worried about her. Evelyn is piqued that Mary has got "her feet under the table" and is customarily (and hilariously) rude to everyone, even those doing her a favour. Tyrone tells her to leave, but then demands his money back, saying she's going nowhere until she's paid him back and Evelyn "reluctantly" agrees to stay. Tyrone says she'll have to work for him at the garage to repay her debt. Comedy platinum!

The barber brothers read the article about the Tommy O-pening day, David on his tablet, Nick the old fashioned way. David insists that he needs an dogsbody assistant and Nick says he'll sort something. Unfortunately, that something is Gail, who turns up to do cleaning and nattering and other light duties. A pity they can't re-animate Vin Weasel to do the sweeping and phone answering. David gets all aggro and says he can't work with his mum - he wasn't so fussy when his other relative turned up to help at his work. Perhaps he should stop living with his mother if he finds her so annoying; then again he wouldn't have free childcare whenever he wanted.

Lolly finds out that Rana and Kate don't have a hen do planned and immediately starts planning The Best Lesbian Bachelorette Party Ever. She books a table at Male Order, a strip club with, um, packages, which Kana nixes. Her next plan is a working party, a clipboard and a fluffy pen, and a drag queen, despite Rana and Kate only wanting a small do at the Bistro. This is going to end in tears, but I'm not sure whose.

Rachel Stevenson - on twitter

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