Saturday 15 December 2018
Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week
Parents deserve our eternal respect. I don't have children. I've always imagined it must be tremendously rewarding and soul-enriching. I don't think I ever realised what hard work it was until this week's Corrie. Yes, it might be wonderful to gaze into the eyes of your devoted progeny and care for them until adulthood, but you also have to put up with the school nativity. The eternal love of the fruit of your loins might seem inadequate once you've had to sit through two hours of the Birth of Christ in rap form, written by a doughy middle aged white man who thinks "gangsta" means putting on a fedora and breaking out the tommy guns. Instead of drowning her sorrows, Rana should just invite Kate to Brian's magnum opus; once she's endured a group of seven year olds in tea towel headdresses trying to squeeze "frankincense" into a rhythm and doing hip-hop hand gestures over a Tiny Tears in a manger she'll go right off the idea of being a mum. In fact she might sew her legs together just to be safe.
Knit one, change one. It's hard to remember a time when the Battersby girls were noisy slappers causing chaos in the Street. They're both so genteel and refined these days. Leanne was snacking on crudities this week, for heaven's sake. Meanwhile Toyah and her vegan buddies have a sideline in yarnbombing; knitting coverings for trees and lampposts to cheer up backstreets. Who'd have looked at that gobby trollop caterwauling in the middle of the Street with her awful family back at the turn of the century and imagined that one day she'd be sitting around in a meat free environment darning socks for sycamores? As for the results of their endeavours...
Me too, Kirky. Me too.
Nicky Tilsley is a filthy liar. This week, as part of his "getting to know you" session with Imran, Nicky claimed that his all-time favourite film was Fast and Furious Five. This is absolutely not true. Nicky Tilsley would not enjoy a film where a multi-ethnic gang of charming thieves battle The Rock in a stunt filled tongue in cheek caper. He's just not that interesting. Nicky Tilsley is white bread, is bland, is mainstream. Nicky Tilsley would like Jim Carrey films (but not Eternal Sunshine, because he found it "weird"). Nicky Tilsley liked Tarantino until he started doing period movies. Nicky Tilsley is an admirer of the oeuvre of Adam Sandler. Nicky Tilsley thinks Die Hard is a Christmas film, and thinks he's incredibly original for having this thought. Nicky Tilsley is too dull to like Fast and the Furious films. Also it's called Fast Five.
She'll get you, and your little dog too. Did anyone else see this shot and immediately think of that witch who gets a house dropped on her head in The Wizard of Oz? Those ruby slippers should've magically transferred to Eileen's feet, though I can't imagine anyone except Liz could wear those vertiginous heels without breaking an ankle. They agreed to put hos before bros and head off on their holiday as single ladies, which sadly meant the end of her romance with Mick from Brookside and his Billy Joel collection. Come back soon, Mick from Brookside, and have a third go at Liz; your effortless charm and sparkle were most welcome, and it'll save her from all the other terrible romantic prospects on the Street.
She was giving Evil Phil the eye in the pub, and she can definitely do better than him.
Enjoy the fringe benefits. Michelle's had her hair done! This was probably at the insistence of the producers, who realised that every time she and Carla had a chat their similarly styled shiny tresses made it hard to tell them apart. Now the fringe will let us know that we're watching Michelle. Well, that and the sun shining out of her backside.
@merseytart is hoping the storylines pick up at Christmas because this week was dull as tar.
All original work on Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License
Labels:
5 things,
5 things we learned,
five things,
newsnow
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
You might also like...
-
Here are the major storylines for the week ahead on Coronation Street, all wrapped up nicely in 50 words or less. Monday 29 April to Friday ...
-
Wednesday 24th April 2024 TOYAH’S SECRET IS REVEALED Nick desperately tries to keep the peace between Leanne and Toyah. When Joel asks Leann...
-
Monday 22nd April 2024 TOYAH SEES RED ON THE REC Leanne facetimes Rowan to tell him about Toyah’s negativity towards the Institute and Rowan...
-
Apologies for absence last Friday - I was off to Bari on Saturday and ran out of time. Tonight in Weatherfield Nick looks continually perpl...
-
Friday 26th April 2024 CARLA TELLS ROY THE TRUTH ABOUT THE LIE In his cell, Roy confides in the prison officer that new evidence has come to...
-
Why do you think Bobby was so suspicious of Roy in the beginning? It was that thing of Bobby being new to the street and outwardly Roy has...
-
So first of all, the week starts with Paul appearing on Amy's radio show. How does that all go for him? Yes, that's quite an inte...
-
Friday 19th April 2024 DANIEL HANDS MAX A SMOKING GUN Bethany does her best to persuade Daniel to put thoughts of Lauren to the back of his ...
-
Here are the major storylines for the week ahead on Coronation Street, all wrapped up nicely in 50 words or less. Monday 22 April to Friday ...
-
Wednesday 17th April 2024 DANIEL’S OLD JACKET ATTRACTS SOME FUZZ Bobby’s face pales as he receives a call summoning him to the station for f...
4 comments:
Brilliant! Thanks for the fun read!
You rock, Scott. Thanks for another great read.
I love 5 things! it's the funniest thing on the blog, and just about the funniest thing on the net - keep up the good work!
The fringe has not helped. Michelle now looks like Sophie Webster!
Post a Comment