Good housemates are hard to find. Kate and Rana's relationship self-destructed this week, with many vocal, passionate rows in the living room of their flat. And all I could think was... where's poor Craig in all this? I pictured him hiding in his bedroom, embarrassed, wanting to get his tea but unable to go out without interrupting. Perhaps he was there the whole time, and if the camera had panned down you'd have seen him crawling to the washing machine to get his shirt and hoping nobody noticed. Or he was hunched up at the end of the sofa, trying to watch Masterchef: The Professionals over the noise of Rana accusing Kate of being a sperm collector.
There's always time for a snifter. I nearly spat out my tea when Rita said that Audrey was the "designated driver" for Archie's funeral. Audrey? Permanently half-cut Audrey, a woman whose bloodstream is 80% vodka? The woman's never sober enough to pass a breathalyser test. In the end Rita and Nigel Havers had to get a taxi home while she got the news of her inheritance. Ken said she was so shocked, she had to have some brandy. Yeah, I bet she did. She probably had a bottle in her glove compartment.
Some people know how to play it safe. Look at that shot. Treasure it. That is a character on Coronation Street not only owning a condom, but being ready to use it. Usually contraception on the Street is like the Easter Bunny - people have heard of it but they've never actually seen it. Well done, Adam; now could you conduct some Clare Rayner-style demonstrations in the community centre with a cucumber? Steve in particular could do with a lesson on how to prevent unwanted pregnancies.
Television is a powerful medium. It's been nearly a hundred years since moving pictures were introduced to the home for the first time. Who knew that decades later that same invention would enable millions of people to watch a middle aged man projectile vomit over the audience at a children's nativity? In HD? Thank you, John Logie Baird, for the miracle of television.
It's not called Product Placement for nothing. There are literally thousands of films about prostitutes. Pretty Woman. Leaving Las Vegas. The Client List. That one where Kathleen Turner wears a terrible wig and Anthony Perkins is a nutty vicar. But which particular film inspired Jenny to sign Liz up as an escort? That would be 1987 Julie Walters starrer Personal Services, based on the life of Cynthia Payne, and available from - just fancy that! - ITV Studios Home Entertainment. CORPORATE. SYNERGY.
The author is full of cold and so this week's update is quicker and dirtier than usual. If you want a longer read, why not have a butchers at Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Year, where I am sarcastic about 2018's events at great length? Either way send caring thoughts via Twitter @merseytart.
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