Tuesday, 13 November 2012

How do you solve a problem like Maria?

With a baseball bat? How unkind! Everyone's favourite hairdo on legs has now been strutting her stuff on't cobbles for over a decade. I hanker after the days of the greasy-haired kennel maid . . . but enough of my life and back to Maria. She's one of the characters who developed quite nicely early on but then stopped doing anything in about 2004.

Dear old Maria. Amongst the man-hungry, deranged female inhabitants of the Street, she stands out as the woman who really knows how to pick 'em. After a dozen years, her best prospect for lifelong happiness remains Tyrone. Back in the day though, they were just a sea of grimy skin and dog hair. Oh the joys of teenage romance. As we know though, it didn't last - and so began Maria's hopeless search for Mr Right. She found several Mr Dodgys. Remember the less-than-lovely John Armley, Toyah's squeeze who got Maria in the family way. Big mistake. As was her dalliance with Nick Mark 1 (the 'lite' version as opposed to the current grizzled grandad). Didn't they make a lovely couple? No, not really. They swanned off to Canada and she came back with a Whistler Mountain of hair on her head.

The next nutter she bedded was, of course, the rational thinker known as Charlie Stubbs. Well, maybe the manly stubble and swagger made for a nice contrast to Nick touching up his highlights in the mirror. Anyway, add Tracy to the equation and that was the end of that. For many women, it would have been a time for soul-searching and sadness. Not for our tangle-haired temptress though. Just around the corner was Lee-yum. With a band of gold jammed on her finger, Maria was set for life. She set about turning number 7 into something horrific, joy almost flickering across that pretty face. Oh but fate can be a cruel mistress, or some old twaddle, and Tartan Tony, he of the bulging eye(s) was ready to play Grim Reaper. Before then helping himself to a slice of Maria. Lee-yum of course, didn't die. He simply travelled back in time and minced around a Yorkshire country house but don't tell Maria . . .

Sadly, the cosy set-up of 'daft as a brush hairdresser' and mass murder was never going to last. Maria left her tasteless house for the dreaded Mammy Connor in Ireland - and that was that. Except that it wasn't.

With a glint in her eye, Mistress Connor returned with baby Lee-yum and love seemed to be on the cards with lunk-head Chris Gray. Having been cast aside by his own stunningly dull family, Chris toyed with Maria's affections before the lure of boredom dragged him back to Cheryl's, no doubt beige, bed linen.

Maria loves a numpty and so who better to fill the void than Jason Grimshaw. However, there was always the terrifying possibility of having Eileen as a mother-in-law. Eileen - a woman who often seems to be possessed by the spirit of nothing at all.

However - and I'll stick my neck out here - I predict love everlasting with confused homosexual Marcus. Love will indeed blossom in that nasty flat. To them will be born a child whom they will name Marcia. The child will have its mother's intellect and its father's love of Doris Day movies. Join me if you will in a toast to Maria Connor. Here's to another dozen unhappy years.

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7 comments:

ChiaGwen said...

Superb post David - but of course it would have to be Maria. Marcus has spent so much time with her and fell in love with a friend first. It's not as if he was in the Rover's, spotted a pretty girl and thought he would give it a try. I think her acting has improved with this storyline instead of her just being in the salon pulling a comb through someone's hair.

Mrs Barton said...

Yes I think Maria and Samia both get rough treatment on this blog. How many times do we read complaining posts about unrealistic storylines, and yet constant complaints about a realistic character? In life sometimes people are just normal and nice. Like Maria. I for one think it's important to have a mix of character types on the street.

Humpty Dumpty said...

With a decent script, and good supporting colleagues, Samia is fine. She was dull in her relationship with Chris but he was a dreadful actor/character. Jason is only OKish. I look forward to seeing how her relationship with Marcus develops.

There seem to be as many comments from the gay community accepting that the storyline is feasible as those criticising it. Charlie Condou, for one, says it's not that far-fetched. Great writing if it makes viewers feel uncomfortable.

I'm concerned that some people think Marcus's behaviour would be more believable if Maria was gorgeous or exceptionally intelligent. They're both gentle souls and their love is based on a friendship which has developed into something deeper.

Anonymous said...

I really like the Maria and Marcus pairing! I think Maria is gorgeous and Marcus is quite hansom. Honestly I think Charlie and Samia have done a fantastic Job with this storyline!

Anonymous said...

I agree that both actors have done very well with this storyline and while they are not falsely Hollywood glamourous, they are both very attractive individuals who play characters who are good souls. It is very true that they were close friends before this and it's not like either bumped into a gay man/straight woman at the pub and thought they'd try something on.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Todd will come back to the street and take Marcus back to London with him. This storyline has to come to it's inevitable sad end. Poor Maria..she'll be alone again.

maggie muggins said...

Remember the series Bob & Rose, with Alan Davies and Lesley Sharp? This was back in 2001. He's gay, she's straight and they also fall in love and eventually move in together and even have a child. Of course it's not all smooth sailing up to that point, but that adds to the charm of the comedy-drama. Highly recommend it. Fab acting & writing.

I don't think Marcus & Maria will end up a couple, but I'm really enjoying the story and the warmth of the characters. Being bombarded with hate from the neighbours is only going to push them closer together.

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