Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

It's all about faaaaaaaamily.  One of the more delightful side-effects of Emma being Steve's secret daughter is we have this brand new sisterly relationship with Amy.  It tends to get glossed over, but Amy's had kind of an appalling life, getting passed from pillar to post with a stream of step-parents.  (This week she mentioned how Robert and Michelle were really close to her when they were with her mum and dad and promised to always be there, but now they're like strangers.  As we will get to later, this is yet another page in the book called Robert And Michelle Are Awful).  It wouldn't be at all surprising if she'd ended up as a basket case, but she's actually very level-headed and sensible, minor incursion into pregnancy aside.  Still, you can see why she'd be chuffed to learn she had a cool older sister she can go see Little Mix with. 

Elsewhere Peter used his super detective skills to track down Daniel and tell him how much he was missed and needed; another half-sibling relationship that's quite lovely.  I'm glad the two of them have bonded, since they hardly saw each other growing up.  It's nice when families just get on, isn't it, rather than trying to swindle each other or murder each other or whatever nightmarish plot the Platts are bound to get caught up in soon.

I was also glad Peter turned up because seeing Daniel sat at the top of a hill in a sense of emotional distress was making me anxious.  The last time he was distraught and angry with the world he shoved Ken down the stairs; I had visions of him pelting that buggy over the cliff with Bertie in it.

Every inch of him is limp - he's a fourteen carat wimp.  Roy discovered his own long-lost sibling this week via Scrabble and Facebook (Carla's horror at hearing Roy had signed up to social media was something to behold; she clearly trusts Mark Zuckerberg about as much as the rest of us).  It turned out Roy's brother was Malcolm from Watching, the deeply underrated show from the early 90s that went where ITV sitcoms had rarely dared to go before; that's right, it was funny.  Sadly it looks like Malcolm is only here temporarily as he's already got a death sentence hanging over him.  Why  do that, producers?  Why get in a funny talented actor just so you can kill him off?

It looks like Roy is going to end up taking care of his stroppy Goth daughter Nina, much like Billy ended up taking care of Summer after her dad died.  I wonder how long the Goth thing will last.  Characters often come into the show with a quirky look then within six months they've had all the creases ironed out.  She'll be in a miniskirt by August Bank Holiday.  I'm all for Roy getting a new housemate to stir things up and create new storylines, but come on guys, why didn't you just bring back Wayne?

Maria likes them big.  Gary surprised Maria with a present this week: the same handbag that Meghan Markle uses.  And it was huge.  That's not a handbag, it's a suitcase; it's like Mary Poppins' carpet bag, but you could fit a hatstand in there without bothering with the magic.  Maria was shocked at the price until Gary persuaded her it was a fake.  I think it says a lot about Maria's character that she was far happier with a cheap knockoff than the quality original - it certainly explains a lot about her romantic past.

Things are getting sticky, Vicky.  Is there a more put-upon character in the show than Vicky?  This poor woman was used for sex by a man on a break from the woman he really loved.  He didn't particularly want to be with her, and absolutely refused to be seen in public with her, but he got her pregnant.  She tried to be practical and have an abortion only for Robert to persuade her, no, he really, really wanted a baby.  Oh yeah, and the woman the baby comes in will do as well.  She looked past all the warning signs and now she finds herself alone, with a baby on the way, and no-one to help her.  Again.

And then, on top of all that, Michelle comes storming round to call her a skank and imply that she's some kind of gold-digging whore.  Michelle is the actual worst person alive.  Don't blame her, blame the bloke who impregnated her then lied to you about it.  Michelle went off on a lengthy rant (where she repeatedly pronounced the word "Irish" like it was a gum disease, seemingly forgetting her own heritage) while Vicky had to sit there and take it all.  You deserve so much better, Vicky.  I hope some handsome millionaire sweeps you off your feet and takes you to Antigua with him. 

Meanwhile it seems Michelle has some kind of scheme brewing involving the bistro's ownership.  if I've learned one thing from Corrie over the last couple of years, it's that contract law is really really exciting to watch.  Could she not just torch the Bistro instead, and accidentally get caught up in the flames with Robert?  (No, really; when is she leaving?  The show she made for the BBC after her departure has already aired!).

Watch Corrie, save the planet.  The set decorators are taking their responsibility to the planet very seriously.  Nobody uses plastic straws any more; I can't work out if those ones on the counter at the Bistro are expensive paper or reusable metal.  Not sure if I'd want to sip my lemonade through a reusable straw - I'm not sure I'd trust whoever does the washing up to scrub them properly, especially at the way the Bistro tears through staff; who is even running that kitchen while Robert adulteries all over the place?  It's probably Faye responsible for putting those straws into the dishwasher and frankly I don't trust her not to just wipe them on the front of her apron and drop them back in the pot.  Elsewhere, there are electric car charging points outside the chippy, and the community garden has now acquired a water bottle refill point:

I mean, it's all very laudable and everything, but this is meant to be a working-class backstreet in one of Greater Manchester's less desirable inner cities.  Would it really be a testing ground for technological innovation?  In the real world that water fountain would've been kicked over and smashed by a gang of teenage hoodlums within about fourteen minutes of being installed. 

Now that they've got a few bob, hopefully Chesney and Gemma will move to a larger house.  Firstly, that'd be a better place to bring up five children, and secondly, that'd mean they weren't in the show any more.  Estate agent details can be requested from @merseytart via Twitter.

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