Saturday, 7 September 2019

Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week


The McDonalds make a mean butty.  It is an essential truth that the very best food on earth is the sandwich.  No, don't argue; it is a FACT.  Bread?  Amazing.  Butter?  Delicious.  Any variety of filling you like, in any quantity you want?  Superb.  And you can eat it one-handed without a knife or fork too.  Basically, a sandwich is the finest dish, which is why it gets served at parties, weddings and funerals.  And now, Welcome To The Family Previously Unknown Daughter Teas, as the McDonald clan embraced Emma with enormous stacks of sarnies I would happily have devoured in about fourteen minutes.  Look at them, oozing lettuce and ham and all sorts of goodness!  OK, Emma has gone veggie so that's all the meat out, and she doesn't like cheese, but I bet there was a couple of jam sandwiches in there, and a salad bap or two, and if all else fails you can just whack a packet of ready salted between two pieces of sliced white, and... would you excuse me for a few moments?  I need to nip to the kitchen.


They grow up so fast.  Somehow Craig Tinker turned 21 this week, and I refuse to believe it's true.  Surely he only left school yesterday, and he was just a sullen teen on his mum's date with Steve last month?  He got a tankard for behind the bar at the Rovers, which I don't think anyone else has, not even Ken Barlow, and he's been drinking there since the Macmillan government.  Elsewhere, Faye Windass was looking for employment at the Bistro; I hope this is only a summer job, missy.  You stay in school and get those exams.  And Hope has grown up into a pyromaniac, which is nice.


Look at her face there and tell me there isn't a little bit of her reveling in the cleansing fire burning, burning, destroying all before her.  Why else would she keep a Bic lighter in her dolly?  I do wonder what sort of special school she's been at for the last nine months if they think this is a suitable case for release.  Did her psychologists just throw their hands in the air after she set fire to yet another shed on the playing fields and cried "she's a mess, send her back to Manchester before Digbeth is burned to the ground."  I'm sure Fiz will soon knock her into shape with a session of home schooling, because as we've seen over the past year, she's all about discipline.  Hopefully Evelyn will guest on a couple of classes and scare her straight.


James Bond is BACK!  As a huge 007 fan, I was thrilled by the references peppered through this week's episodes.  Emma confessed she loved James Bond during the "mission" at Wethy County, because as I have said many times, she is brilliant, but the main event was Ali strutting down the cobbles in his tuxedo looking like he was about to beat the living daylights out of a thug.  Don't tell me Maria wasn't secretly nursing fantasies of being his Pussy Galore.  Sadly the fire put paid to her hopes that Ali would give her a ball but he was still pretty good at leaping into action, clambering over fences and throwing Hope over his shoulder to save her.  And like James Bond, he did it all without getting a speck of dirt on his white shirt, though he abandoned the suit jacket in the flames; I hope it wasn't a rental.  The 25th Bond film, No Time To Die, is currently shooting around the world, and James Burrows is clearly throwing his hat into the ring to be Daniel Craig's replacement in the 26th film.  You might want to sort that hair out first though, mate; that's a bit more Roger Moore safari suit than I think they want in a 21st Century 007.


Change is hard.  Jenny's attempts to drag the Rovers into the present day continued as she decorated the bar with a pot plant to try and lighten the atmosphere.  Can you imagine them trying that in the Seventies?  Stan Ogden would be putting his fags out in the dirt and Ena Sharples would've demanded it was removed because the sweet lavender smell was putting her off her milk stout.  Jenny also responded to Audrey's request for a G&T with "which gin?", which caused Audrey to pull this face:


Audrey doesn't care what kind of gin it is so long as it's wet and high in alcohol content; you could've made it in a bathtub and she'd still knock it back.  Good luck with your efforts Jenny; maybe you can attract a more sophisticated clientele that don't chuck dirt all over the place and have slanging matches every three weeks.  Did she ever get her B&B conversion, by the way?  Edison did a load of measuring then ran off to the factory when that contract came up.  Is Kate having to brush her teeth in a bathroom with only half the tiles and a missing toilet?


Sean has two friends. "Your mate was in here just now," said Steve to Sean in StreetCars.  "Beth?"  Sean asked, and he was told, "no, the other one."  Having watched this week's episodes I think it's clear why he's so unpopular, as he torpedoed Eileen's chances of happiness by shoving his nose in where it didn't belong.  Throughout this whole Jan business he's been conspicuously absent; he doesn't get the right to turn up at the end to ruin everything.  (Incidentally the police might want to check their security procedures, considering Sean just said "hi, I'm a friend of a friend" to that bloke with the gun and he was allowed to wander into Jan's hospital room unaccompanied).  Remember when Eileen asked Sean to leave last year and he ended up on the streets, but managed to come back and sleep on Billy's sofa?  It's telling that since then Eileen's had Nicola, Seb, Abby, Jan and now Mary stay with her, and at no point has she ever suggested Sean move back in.  Perhaps he put her off when he talked about Carol, that homeless girl who helped him out while he was living rough and who he abandoned without a second thought once he got a snifter of a roof over his head.  She's selling herself for drugs money somewhere in Ancoats but he's got a collection of terrible t-shirts so who cares?


He was also deeply unsympathetic to Mary's plight.  You'd have thought that someone who was forced to sofa surf might have a bit of empathy for a woman being chucked out on her ear but instead he was straight in there telling her to find a B&B (quick reminder that Sean doesn't actually live there so once again it was none of his business).  Eileen wasn't keen to have Mary living at number eleven because of her terrible habit of - let me just check this - making cups of tea, cleaning the bathroom, and smiling a lot.  Hang on, that can't be right.  Thankfully it was all resolved and Mary can continue to annoy Eileen with her "peccadilloes".  Or maybe her light personality and eagerness to please will end up making Ms Grimshaw happy for once.  Stranger things have happened.

Does anyone have the number for Weatherfield Trading Standards?  Every single one of Sinead's beard oil jars was filled to a different level; there were about thirty violations of the Weights and Measures Act in each box.  Please pass on the info via Twitter @merseytart.






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4 comments:

coconno196 said...

Why is Faye asking for a holiday job in the bistro when the schools have just gone back? Also, doesn't she live with Anna in Scotland (?) most of the time, with occasional visits to her dad in Weatherfield?

Louby said...

I agree, strange timing. But this is Corrie so if she starts working there it will probably be a plot device for something.

She did go off to Durham with Anna (Owen went to Scotland) but she came back a few weeks later and said she wanted to stay with Tim. We haven't seen much of her for a while but Ellie Leach is 18 so maybe she's been doing A levels.

Great review as usual Scott, thanks!

Sharon boothroyd said...

I still don't understand why Sean poked his nose into Eileen's love life. It's not as if she's ever confided in him about the
whole slave trade affair. If Eileen had talked it over with Liz, and reached decision after that - fair enough. Well, I guess it's about creating drama, not a convincing outcome. And why hasn't Sean got a place of his own?
I thought Simon Gregson (Steve) did a great job this week trying bond with Emma. He was fab in the depression storyline, so it's a shame that he often slips onto the role of silly clown.
I smiled when Sinead accused Daniel of throwing her beard oil business in her face!
Great post - made me chuckle!

coconno196 said...

Sean doesn't have his own place because nobody in soaps is allowed to live alone! Loadsamoney Carla dosses at Roy's, 50-odd year old Peter still lives with his Dad, Maria has 2 flatmates (unusual for anyone with children?). Surely Mary could afford a small flat rather than a room in Eileen's chaotic household? Both Cathy and Geoff had their own houses but we aren't supposed to remember that. None of these situations is realistic, but there is more drama to be had in all this house-sharing (supposedly...)

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