Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

Beware of heightened expectations.  David continued to refurbish the salon, even though Gary - the only builder in Weatherfield - was simultaneously working on his fire damaged house and the roof of Underworld.  It's amazing that he's rushed off his feet with all this work, yet still hasn't offered Seb his job back - he even admitted to Carla that he'd have to take on a specialist roofer because he didn't have the skills.  She still gave him the job. because nobody gets competitive quotes any more.  Anyway, with Windass spreading himself so thin David took it upon himself to put up a shelf himself to display the stuffed weasel he's been banging on about.  Honestly, by this point, I'm not sure why he's bothering with a barber shop, because he's clearly far more enthusiastic about the taxidermy.  He should just turn it into Norman Bates' back parlour and have done with it.  It's all building up to a hell of a reveal - we've been hearing about this stuffed weasel for the best part of a month now and our expectations are sky high.  If it isn't six foot long, with a diamante collar and teeth like Rylan, I'm going to feel very let down.

From tiny acorns, gossipy oaks grow.  Who knew that a pair of pants could cause such trouble?  (Sidebar: why did Rita take a pair of tongs into the bathroom with her?  Never mind).  Because of the pants, Gemma asked Paul to leave, and to salvage his pride and stop her from worrying, he casually mentioned that there might be a bail hostel opening nearby.  Might be.  Possibly.  In passing.  Next thing you know Claudia was starting a tiki torch wielding crowd to burn down the local probation office.  Leaving aside the fact that nobody seems to have thought to Voggle the rumour to see if there actually were plans for a hostel, Claudia needs to understand the area she's moving into.  Anywhere else in Britain the residents might fear recently released jailbirds in their midst, but a Street in which (off the top of my head) Maria, Tracy, Steve, Abi, David, Paul and Gary have served time (not to mention wrongfully convicted Sally, Gail and Peter) there might be a bit more sympathy for the plight of prisoners than most.

There are times and places for sermons.  A tiny little Bible gag from Billy about coveting your neighbours oxen fell on deaf ears in the salon, and he had to spend the next five minutes explaining what it meant.  I am completely unsurprised to learn Maria does not know the Ten Commandments.  She probably got a copy of the infamous "Wicked Bible" for her Christening gift, the one that says Thou SHALT commit adultery, and has spent the rest of her life trying to live up to that particular tenet.  Although let's be honest, if the residents of the Street did start living their life according to the Bible, respecting their father and their mother and refusing to commit murder, it'd be a much duller TV show.

Don't hide out in a haunted house.  Surely there are thousands of other places a dodgy bloke on the run can spend the night - places that aren't decorated with sinister murals and terrifying banisters?  As Shona advanced up the staircase, all I could think of was that house in Doctor Who where the Weeping Angels had been hiding out for centuries.  Perhaps she secretly hoped that the ghouls would all gang up and murder Clayton in his sleep.  It would certainly solve the problem of us having to watch the miserable little brat shout and stamp his foot.  He has absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever, which is a shame, because Shona is lovely.  Every time she cries and begs him to eat a Jammy Dodger I want her to cut her losses and let him starve.  Hopefully a police sniper will take him out this week and we won't have to endure this storyline any longer.

Although if he does try and escape we'd at least get to see him run again, because that was hilarious.  (Special kudos should go to the make up department this week, who slathered the attendees at Drew's funeral with every Hubba Bubba lick and stick tattoo they could find).

Learning should never come before family.  Poor Daniel struggled with his essay this week, though I'm not sure why.  I'm pretty sure if he called up his tutor and said "Hi Russ!  My pregnant wife has cancer, so they've delivered our baby prematurely and put him in an incubator to enable her to undergo life-saving chemotherapy.  Also my 15 year old niece just had an abortion and my nephew was nearly burned alive in a boat," they'd happily give him an extension, possibly to 2023.  Still, it could be worse for Daniel - he could have that second hand clothes shop to run as well, but he seems to be content just to use Flora's money to pay the rent on that without doing anything else.  It was at least good to see Brian being useful for once, flexing his MA in English Literature and helping Daniel out while Ken seethed at the back because he only had a BA and he got that in 1961.  Margaret Drabble was still an actress then, Salman Rushdie was in school, and Zadie Smith was just a vague tickle in her dad's testicles.  He'd have been no use - Ken's never really moved on from the Angry Young Men; Daniel would be knee deep in magic realism and his dad would be trying to get him to write about grim rugby matches and miners. 

If anyone plays Angels by Robbie Williams at @merseytart's funeral he will come back as a vengeful spirit to punish those responsible. 

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