Coronation Street Weekly Update, week ending Sept. 10

Here's Janet with the Weekly Update while our Flaming Nora is on her hols.

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Hello everyone and thanks for having me back whilst Flaming Nora’s enjoying her Tunnocks in various exotic locales. I’ll try to follow as best I can in Richard’s capable footsteps.

You know that we’ve reached a low point in storylines when you find yourself looking out for the extras in the background. I spotted the same gentleman twice, both times walking down the street clutching a bouquet of yellow flowers he’d obviously just purchased from Dev’s. It made me wonder how many women he had on the go and whether it wouldn’t be far more interesting to follow his life than the Tina/Tommy/Tyrone/Kirsty rectangle or Sunita/Karl/Stella triangle or the silly Ryan helix ... well, you get the picture.

Rob wants an apology from Ryan, what with the latter bringing charges against him of brutal assault. We all know it’s because Ryan nicked the factory keys off shiny-haired Michelle and was plundering the petty cash for drug money when Rob hit him over the head with a stapler or some such. Well, you would, wouldn’t you, if you came across a hoodie with his back to you smashing the petty cash box. Why he didn’t keep trying the keys on the fob is beyond me. Michelle’s obviously been taking lessons at the Gail Tilsley/Platt/McIntyre School of “My son is perfect, no matter what you say” and slots neatly into the Mama Bear Defending Her Young role. Well, she does have a nice glossy coat. Michelle the Deluded we’ve been calling her at our house. That is, up until the point where her keys fall out of his hoodie pocket and she notices her home personal cash box has been broken into.

Ryan feels sorry for himself, he’s just a druggie waste of space. Yes, actually, you are though a lot cleaner than most. And to reiterate Richard, surely Dev isn’t that desperate for staff that he’ll hire both a druggie and a murderer to run his kebab shop. I guess the hiring pool on the street is drying up as his only other choices would have been Emily or Faye. I’ll admit my personal knowledge of kebabs is rather limited, but there did seem to be some dodgy looking meat in the background (sorry, got distracted again), so why not some dodgy staff as well, albeit ones who have quickly learned all the ropes without benefit of any training. Dev catches the two of them in full action snog the night after Tracey has her wicked way with him. Not only have they done “it”, you know “it”, but they’ve done “it” in Michelle’s flat. Mind you, I do wish Tracey would stop calling Ryan “Baby” and feeding him Chicken Jalfrezi, as it only serves to emphasise the age difference between them.

Ches and Katie (she’s made such an impression on me that I actually forgot her name and had to look it up) have a chance to take an all-expenses paid holiday to celebrate Joseph’s first birthday in South Africa where Cilla has hooked onto a rich boyfriend. However, Izzy and Gary remind her she could be carrying their surrogate baby so travel is simply out of the question. It’s left to Ches to point out what life would be like with the two of them fussing around every minute of the pregnancy.

There’s a BIG MESSAGE warning when Paul the fireman comes off his night shift and Eileen and Sean try to get him upstairs before he notices the broken vase. “He looks tired, doesn’t he, Sean?” “Yeah, we all need our sleep, heh heh!” “See, that’s when accidents happen, when we’re tired.” “Yeah, a good long sleep, that’s what you need.” But we all know we’re not talking vases here.

It turns out that Paul hated the ugly vase as much as everyone else but chose not to mention it until Sean paid the £65 for a replacement. For a laugh he smashes it to smithereens on the floor, though what Sean will say when he could have returned it for a full refund is anyone’s guess. And, being Sean, he will have his say!

Of course, the inevitable happens and Tommy falls asleep at the wheel of the pizza delivery vehicle. So, not only does Tommy have to have surgery to mend his broken ankle, lost both his delivery and night watchman security jobs but Big Mickey wants £2000 to fix the van. This is besides the money he still owes Tyrone, who has come to make up with him. Tina has even taken on a morning job at Owen’s, which she may need given the state of affairs to come. She rightly blames Kirsty for causing Tommy’s accident as well as loss of their home: when she overhears that Julie and Brian are looking to buy their first home together now that Brian’s received a pay raise since he’s been made a Super Head, Kirsty suggests that a family discount might be available if they buy Jason’s flat. Tommy and Tina have to be out by the end of the month.

This means that Jason also has to be out but his heavy-handed hints to Maria about moving in fall on deaf ears. It’s down to Kylie in the salon to point it out but Maria isn’t sure as they’ve only been together five minutes. She seeks out Marcus who gives his blessing and not only is the move on but there's a prediction of pretty Grimshaw bambinos by this time next year. Remind me again, does Marcus still live at Maria’s? Those rooms must be TARDIS-like on the inside.

Kirsty wins again when she taunts Tina in the Rovers, deliberately provoking her into a tantrum. The red mist descends and Tina pushes her back into a table, even if she is nine months and a day pregnant. Her waters break and Kirsty is promptly bundled into the back room. Tyrone makes it there just in time to see Baby Girl Dobbs issued into the world by Marcus who luckily happened to be in having a drink at the time. Meanwhile, Tina is Enemy Number One in and outside the Rovers, particularly when Tyrone finds out that a proper shoving match was involved. The week ends with a touching scene between Tyrone and his new baby daughter. Fair had me in tears, so it did, though I'm not as sure as Tyrone that she's mended everything..

Sunita is finally starting to comprehend the enormity of the job she’s taken on with feckless Karl, particularly as he can’t find a “proper” job and unbeknownst to Sunita, remains desperate for Stella to take him back. Luckily for him, Stella’s mother Gloria has arrived and she’s most definitely on his side so I wouldn’t bet against a return to the fold. Gloria is played by the brilliant Sue Johnston and you can tell already she’s a throwback to Elsie Tanner.


She slips into town in the middle of the night, on the run from desperadoes in Spain who are after her fella, Cliff, maker of some questionable investments in a nightclub in Torremolinos. She’s felt Ken in his kimono (“Ooh, I adore the feel of real silk”, she purred), questioned Stella’s decision to throw Karl out (“A relationship isn’t just time served, it’s hard graft and even harder for a woman of your age and bust size” – my favourite line of the week), smacked Karl hard across the chops (“Right, let’s have it ... from the beginning”), speculated about the size of fireman Paul’s hose and even wondered what plans Tina has for Tommy’s toilet needs! Sean’s a big fan. Someone who’s not a big fan is Rita, who’s had her dress sense in those “busy tops” questioned. She’s got a good head on her shoulders, does our Reet (though why she introduced herself as Rita Tanner, formerly Sullivan I don’t know) but her clothing is still definitely stuck back in the 80’s. Even so, she jumps in to warn Gloria off a potential assignation being made with Dennis. Yes, ladies of Weatherfield, lock up your men: Hurricane Gloria’s in town!

See you next week!

Janet

This week’s episodes were written by Lee O’Donnell, Martin Sterling, Jack Ford, Catherine Perrin, Gareth McLean and Kate Brooks



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