Cosy crimes and gritty sagas by Corrie Blog editor Glenda, published by Headline. Click pic below!

Sunday 15 July 2012

Who'll be the next Corrie serial killer?

Corrie kids, cute eh? But under that rosy-cheeked, fed on beans on toast exterior, there are serious pyschological problems just waiting to erupt in the coming years. As the kids hit their teens, they'll start hitting out and let's face it, most of them have the capability to become Corrie's next serial killer. Let's examine the evidence.

Simon Barlow

Not so cutesy as he might have us believe. He's going to have problems that kid, after being pulled from pillar to post between Peter and Leanne and used as a weapon in their custody game. His real mother's dead and even when she was alive, she was a timid little florist who hovered at the threshold to her flat for ten episodes before she married bigamist Peter when he was planning to wed Shelley Unwin. His dad Peter's a bigamist and an alcholic. His pretend mum Leanne was a prostitute. All the ingredients are there for Simon to go psycho. Possible serial killer ranking: 6/10 

Amy Barlow
The odds-on favourite in our house to become the next Corrie bitch from hell. Go to jail, go directly to jail. Do not pass the Kabin, do not collect any ornaments from any sideboards and do not hit anyone over the head with them.  Amy's the devil incarnate, just ready to start spitting green bile. Her mum's a murderer, a liar, a psycho and Corrie's best bitch ever. Her only redeeming feature is having Steve McDonald as a dad.
Possible serial killer ranking: 10/10

Hope Stape

You might say it's too early to tell how Hope will turn out, but I disagree.  Her dad's a confirmed nutter, kidnapper and psycho killer all rolled into one bundle of death.  Mum Fiz might be a stablising influence but she's got the Battersby-Brown genes in her and Hope could turn out as rough as grandma Cilla.  And don't forget, Hope has already spent time in jail.
Possible serial killer ranking: 7/10

Joseph Armstrong

Low on the scale to turn out pyschotic, but one to watch. Has inherited genes from bad-tempered grandad Owen and Battersby-Brown genes from grandma Cilla (see above).
Possible serial killer ranking: 4/10

Jack Webster
Another one to watch.  While mum Molly was pretty sensible and dad Kevin's got a bit of a temper on him, there's not much to suggest baby Jack will go off the rails when he's grown up.  Mind you, he does have very dodgy eyes, so the clues are all there. Don't say you weren't warned.
Possible serial killer ranking: 3/10

Alahan Twins

If Dev continues pushing Aadi into being a golf pro and leaving daughter Asha to her own devices, jealously might develop and who knows what might kick off? Other than having Dev as a dad, the twins show no outward signs just yet of being anything but normal.  But it's always the quiet ones, so we'd do well to keep an eye on the twins.
Possible serial killer ranging: 3/10

Liam Connor

A bit of a dark horse this one. He's got Connor blood in him so a life of being dark and mysterious lies ahead with a few awards for Sexiest Male at the soap awards when he turns 18. But will he turn into a serial killer?  Definitely one to watch in between his stints running Underworld and romancing Hope Stape.
Possible serial killer rating: 3/10 

Max Platt

With his blonde locks, you could be forgiven for thinking he's a little angel, but no. That's not a halo it's a reminder that he's one of the children of the damned.
Possible serial killer rating: 7/10

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Danny-K said...

"...That's not a halo it's a reminder that he's one of the children of the damned."

Hee hee! LOL!

Max Platt - Yup! With his mother having dark hair it's a done deal - it's the child of Satan.

Anonymous said...

My vote is Jack Webster - that kid's scary as anything! I note that FayE didn't make the list but then she's the obvious choice.

Glenda Young said...

I deliberately didnt include FayE or Craig as I thought they were both a bit older than the other kids but have just been reminded by Sunny Jim that FayE is only supposed to be 9. However, with Anna's hand, FayE will turn out to be perfectly normal and will indeed discover the cure for cancer and will develop world peace. Oh yes.

Cobblestone said...

We've been remarking chez nous that the kids at Bessie Street Primary are remarkably mature looking - especially Fay[e]'s bully, who frankly wouldn;t look out of place in Year 8 of Secondary.

Also I am CONVINCED that Jack Webster is currently being played by Stewie from 'Family Guy' - the pic included above proves it!

Rachel said...


Jayde..AliKingSuperFan!..Aliette!:) said...

I know he or she isn't born yet but I would put my money on it being kisty and tyrones baby .. As its mum us obviously a phyco and she says she's turning into her dad so it must run in the family..Also it's probably gon be born premature because janines baby from eastenders was, and soaps usually copycat a bit..also if it is born prem it will have health issues and will probs be a danger freak and gets a buzz from murder or sumin lol..also kirsty must fly off tha handle with someone other than Tyrone and probably go to jail for a while..and with a dad like Tyrone Ide go a lil loopy..I mean the guys just way to nice, it gets Tyrone lost hi last kid so he will let this one get away with murder so he or she probably will go down that road and Tyrone end up helping cover its tracks I mean no one can be that simple and nice and not do somin like tha at one point right? Tho otha than that baby Ide say Amy..cuz shell follow in her mams footsteps..I don't think it'd be Liam as the late Liam(his dad) was a harmless bloke he was lovely and kind and had a soft sport for everyone..tho his one for Carla was biggest and it got him into a lil no not Liam tho his mam is a lil nutty..oh and btw is rob James collier(tha guy tha played Liam) gay cuz who would leave corrie where he kisses ali king(Carla) all tha time for downtown abbey where he gets in with blokes?? Unless theyre actually gay? Lmaoo! Jw:) Hehe long comment:p Yh I'm wierd, so what? Lmaoo..jokes..I'm just seriously tired..:)

Tvor said...

Hmm and don't forget that Tyrone's mother is off-her-trolley Jackie Dobbs.

Brilliant analysis Nora!

Humpty Dumpty said...

Simon's definitely going to go off the rails when he reaches puberty. He's so cute now, his family will be saying 'but he was such a sweet kid etc ...' He's a Barlow so anything is possible.

ChiaGwen said...

My money is on the staring kid as Frosty so aptly named him. Who knows what evil lurks in Auntie Pam's family and he does have that unblinking stare down pat.....

Danny-K said...

Good grief! After seeing what they did to Simon in tonight's 2nd episode, Simon cannot possibly grow up into adulthood without "issues".

A tearful Peter begs Simon to chose him or Leanne - your father or your mother
- then Leanne bends down to up the competitive stakes, asking Simon to chose her. Simon has to make a decision on the spur of the moment, and immediately because the train is about to leave, that's all the time he's given to decide the rest of his childhood life.

Crikey! More time is given to choosing which car to buy than how Simon wants to live the rest of his life!

The scriptwriter's were either referencing the film 'Sophie's Choice' or the wise King Solomon biblical story of how he instructs the fought over baby to be cut in two to please both parties, counting on the real mother to withdraw her claim to save the child's life and thus prove she is the genuine parent.

On tonight's showing it was neither Peter nor Leanne. Utterly despicable the pair of them how they treated Simon on the railway platform.

- Simon to grow up to become the serial killer, who targets 'mistresses'.

Dutchmasterdutchie said...

@Cobblestone "Also I am CONVINCED that Jack Webster is currently being played by Stewie from 'Family Guy' - the pic included above proves it!"
You took the words right out of my mouth.
My G.Shnauzer caught a quick flash of that picture and now I have a 100lb dog quivering in fear under my couch.
I just hope I can get to sleep tonight with that image burned into my brain
But honestly I think it's going to be a double act... You just watch eventually little Jacko will be befriended by Max-stepsonofbeazulbub-Platt. Just wait we'll all be praying for the halcyon days of the Kray boys!

Dubcek said...

It's a bit of a stretch to say both Hope Stape and Joseph Armstrong have Battersby-Brown genes as neither Fiz nor Chesney have any genes from Les Battersby he is only their step-father not their father.


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