Billy's still not Father of the Year. Summer - who seems to have acquired a bit of sass lately, thank goodness; her virtuous perfection was getting annoying - insisted that her adopted dad should get his end away with Fit Paul. Billy, however, was still unsure about bringing such a volatile person into his happy family unit - "he does have an angry streak," he reasoned. Yes Billy, and this time last year you were a smack addict. People who inject skag into their veins in the middle of a church don't really have much room to preach about their fatherly virtues. He finally hooked up with Paul and they had a bit of a moment in the pub. Apparently it was just a snog, which goes to show that gays these days are really boring. I wouldn't delete Grindr based on a single bit of tongue action.
Meanwhile Rita thought Paul was dragging Joseph around as a way of getting Billy's attention. "Some blokes like it when you bring a child along," she reasoned. I'm forced to wonder about the state of the hard drives of some of Rita's dates.
Weatherfield is turning into Dodge City. Leaving aside the many criminal enterprises swilling around the Street at the moment, there was a disturbing quantity of scams and pranks in this week's shows. Gemma pulled the hilarious jape of convincing Chesney that his child had been bloodily wounded and abducted - and after midday on April Fool's Day, so fool on her - before joining up with Brian and Chesney to swindle a grand out of a radio company. That put Mary's nose out of joint, and nothing should ever make Mary sad. Brian himself was the subject of a scam as Geoff passed Freshco broad beans off as his own. It seemed like everyone was trying to pull a fast one on someone else, and it felt a bit nasty, especially when Geoff said Brian "deserved to be brought down a peg or two". What did he ever do to you Geoff? He can be a bit of a buffoon, admittedly, but he's not unpleasant, and he does a mean Sand Dance. Cathy said using Gemma as a proxy wasn't properly cheating, but was only "like googling in a pub quiz." I think you'll find that is cheating as well, Cathy, and if I saw you doing that at the next table from me I would have a stern word with the quizmaster because I take that sort of violation very, very seriously. Perhaps too seriously. Still, full marks to the local radio station for risking the wrath of Ofcom by asking a question based around Philip Larkin's most famous poem. They followed it with Smack My Bitch Up and an interview with a drunk Jim Davidson.
Cheddar is more mature than some people. Speaking of Gemma, has she got caught up in some hilarious bodyswap comedy and had her mind replaced with the brain of an eight year old? All she's done this week is be gross (licking the plate, counting dog poos), dodgy (the radio scam), inconsiderate (the general state of the house) or just plain stupid (buying a mobile disco kit instead of a washing machine). Part of her arc since she came into the show full time has been a gradual maturing under the wing of Jenny and Rita, but suddenly she's back to that scraggy girl who hung around Kylie. Is it Paul's fault? Should we split them up again? Gemma is a great character normally but this week she was just irritating. No wonder Chesney spent most of his appearances furrowing his brow in that way he always does when he's required to do some thinking. The only good moment was Rita appearing out of the smoke at the impromptu rave in the front room; since she was offscreen most of the time I'm choosing to believe she was doing the full big fish little fish cardboard box while blowing a whistle and wearing a neon necklace.
Nick's not a big finger sniffer. He was actually refusing to get near the beard oil David had been applying out of a pickled onion jar, but it still raises eyebrows.
It should be noted that Gary has no such compunctions. Best not to dwell.
Over 60's yoga is cancelled for the foreseeable. Poor Yasmeen's going to be on the phone all week. "Yes, I'm sorry Mrs Atkins, I know you had a tots and toddlers session booked for Tuesday morning, but we've turned the Community Centre into an improvised sweatshop so you'll just have to take your kids somewhere else. Maybe the gardens? Oh, Kate's occupied it completely so she can have another memorial there - that's her fourth this week, isn't it? Yes, I know, it is a bit excessive. Oh dear. Sorry about that."
If you know where you can get one of Tim's Heart Attack Special Butties, please contact the author via Twitter @merseytart.
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7 comments:
Gemma was even worse than she usually is this week. I was hoping that Ches would kick her out but the idiot that he is hangs on to this great role model for Joseph. Were we supposed to think she would grow up a bit after her talking to from Rita? No, she jumps on Ches and throws her chips and styrofoam box on the floor. What a disgusting creature she is.
Totally agree. If we were meant to be moved by Gemma and Chesney's reunion, it didn’t work for me because I was so revolted by her throwing her chips on the ground! Chesney may need to loosen up a bit, but he forgave Gemma's transgressions all too quickly.
Gemma is ALWAYS dreadful.
You often read that actors can't bear to watch themselves on screen and, to be fair, there isn't much time for them to reflect on their performances in Corrie. But if they were forced to see and hear what viewers do, Gemma would stop being increasingly disgusting, Gary would stop vaguely looking into the distance, Michelle would stop arm folding, and Fiz wouldn't squeak like a squashed duck. Gemma and Jenny have some chemistry but Chesney should have chosen Emma.
Gemma is being disgusting because at the moment that's how the scriptwriters want her to be. After seeing the picture of her sleeping rough I concluded that because of her uncouth ways they will split up, but of course get back together again. They could have spared us all this and just let them be a happy couple.
The blog asked recently who we would like to get rid of, and my answer now is definitely Geoff. Not funny at all and totally unsuitable for Yasmeen.
I agree about Geoff. What he did to Brian was not funny, just mean and nasty. Thank goodness Yasmeen has a moral compass, she deserves a better man than him.
Great post-I always read 5 things! Why wasn't Geoff concerned about Tim? Tim's in hospital after a heart attack. That'd be pretty dramatic news in my family. Instead he's playing silly pranks on Brian for no reason at all. I'm looking forward to seeing the new family on the cobbles - we need a breath of fresh air.
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