Oh, hang on, there's been a mistake. That's my notes from two weeks ago, when Fiz told Tyrone they'd have to pay back the £600 for the stolen furniture and he got severe angina that put him in Wethy General.
There was tragedy this week as a much-loved character was rushed to hospital. They'd received the terrible news that they'd have to pay back a significant financial debt that wasn't really their fault and ended up collapsing in their lounge, clutching their chest. They were rushed to hospital where it was discovered it wasn't a heart attack, but something far more benign, but it still caused them to have a reckoning about their life and made them resolve to change.
Sorry for any confusion.
Break out the bubbly. As has become predictable recently, the Alahans were the highlight of the week, as Dev's birthday caused all sorts of comedy and charm and general loveliness. Alright, a bump appearing in the road as Asha confessed her love to a less-than-thrilled Nina was a bit of a downer, but it was a very in-character development and was surrounded by glorious nonsense involving Mary's am dram performances and Aadi being both sarcastic (Dev: "I want to raise a toast." Aadi: "That's a glass.") and protective of his sister. Nina did help Asha craft a photo album for Dev's birthday, where she pasted in pictures of both Old Aadi:
...and New Aadi:
...which suggests that we're in an alternate universe now where Aadi got his head replacement a lot earlier. That probably explains why they're not 15 any more as well.
Share and share alike. Back when Elaine first appeared in the show she was - let's be honest - a bit of a drip. Understandably so, of course; being psychologically bullied by your husband gets to you. But still, she came off as a little pathetic. However, since Geoff's death, she's started to show a bit of backbone. Even better, now the writers are aware she's being played by Comedy Legend Paula Wilcox, they're giving her funny lines, and this week she had a few zingers and comebacks that gave Elaine some welcome sass. Also, she's taken to sitting on chairs with her legs tucked under her, which I'm sure is thrilling a large proportion of the male audience for whom her tumbling out of miniskirts and hot pants in Man About The House was a formative experience. She's now moving in with Yasmeen, so I've obviously had this theme tune in my head all weekend. (Content warning for that link - while the Man About The House theme remains an absolute banger, the title sequence has not aged well at all). What Yasmeen failed to mention is that the spare room is Geoff's old prop store, and Elaine is going to have to sleep in his Magic Box while a definitely haunted ventriloquist dummy stares down at her.
It's not easy to Excel. Alina Pop! was struggling with her college course - that she's been on for about eight days - because of the mystifying world of spreadsheets. Fortunately Tyrone was there to help her out with pivot tables and graphs. You might think it's unlikely that Ty would be a whizz with a laptop, but apparently Kevin taught him all he needed to know. And who taught Kevin how to work a spreadsheet?
Clearly Kevin taught Tyrone some of the other skills he learned from Natalie, because it looks like he's on a collision course for a bit of illicit passion with Alina. I really, really don't want this to happen, for a number of reasons. Firstly, it'd be nice for Fiz and Ty to have a bit of happiness for once. Secondly, I know she's a grown adult woman, but Alina looks about 12, and so it's hard to take her seriously as any kind of temptress. Thirdly, they're still maintaining the two metre rule on set, so there's no real way for them to show the overwhelming emotion of adulterous lust when they can't get close enough to even hold hands. Leanne slapping the joint out of Jacob's mouth from halfway across the room this week was a nice effort but unintentionally hilarious - it was like she'd suddenly turned into Mr Fantastic. No, have Tyrone teaching Alina a bit of IT and sharing the odd yoga session and let's not have any rumpy-pumpy that'll leave us all sad. (Yes, I do know Natalie has her mouse the wrong way round. It was the Nineties, you could get away with that kind of thing because people weren't as tech savvy as they are these days.)
Speaking of new living arrangements, Paul overcame his crippling inability to tighten a screw on a cupboard hinge to get a gig as Daniel's new lodger. There's something about Daniel (a gay man playing a heterosexual man) sharing with Paul (a heterosexual man playing a gay man) that amuses me greatly, and that's before you get into their bonding over a collapsed relationship with Billy, who, of course, Rob Mallard dated for a while in real life. When Paul was listing the reasons why their love could never really work I half-expected Daniel to join in with "yeah, and he has really cold feet in bed." Still, at least now Daniel has a roommate we get a partial explanation to how the hell he's managing to pay the rent.
The ads are failing to deliver. Alright, I'm going to say it: the Argos break bumpers are the worst sponsorship ads yet. The little chocolate people were adorable. The meerkats went on a bit but they had a bit of comedy and commitment to them. And even the furniture ads had Katy Wix in some kind of weird sub-dom throuple. These Argos ones though - it's just wobbly shots of electrical equipment. I realise it's hard to make a blender exciting but the meerkats were selling insurance and they managed to do it with flair. The only interesting part of it is I'm pretty sure that's Jill Halfpenny doing the voice-over, returning to the show twenty years after she split up Gail and Martin.
On the plus side, they don't seem to be moving into the Street itself; there was a part of me that was genuinely afraid that the Community Centre would be turned into a Click & Collect store as part of the corporate synergy. Instead it looks like it's going to be a funeral parlour. I wonder if they've still got that big walk-in fridge from when it was a butcher's shop? That could come in handy when George has a backlog of - ahem - clients.
The author ordered cod and chips twice from For Your Fries Only earlier this evening but all he's received so far is a bag of crack. If you know who I need to contact to complain please let me know on Twitter @merseytart because while hard drugs are all well and good, chips are better.
2 comments:
Scott...'It's nothing but a heartache' gave me a good laugh. Your humour works for me, and many others I know. We need you, keep up the good work. Grateful thanks!
Fab post, it made it chuckle, as always.
I'M pleased that Elaine is sticking around. She's good contrast to the angst between Yasmeen and Alya but I thought Alya and Ryan had moved into Yasmeen's too?
Ryan doesn't seem to have much to do, and with his family fleeing, he probably be won't given any major storylines.
I'd have thought, after Adam Barlow, he'd be a better contender for Alina Pop's affections than Tyrone.
He'd be more IT savvy, for a start. Still, I suppose they need to reel out the mid- life crisis affair bombshell plot now and again. After the discovery, it causes chaos for a few weeks, then the loyal spouse forgives them, and all's ok. I'd like to see Emma and Debbie Webster with a love interest.
I don't mind the Argos ad bumpers, as I found the meerkats intensely irritating. I used to mute them!
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