Of course the real reason for all these pyrotechnics is far more prosaic: High Definition. HD has meant that Coronation Street's aging, tatty sets have needed an upgrade so they'll be acceptable in a million pixels. Already, the increased resolution has produced some shocking facts: it turns out that's not a boy scout in Ken Barlow's hallway, but serial killer Dennis Nielsen, and we can now see the scratch marks down Maxine's bench from when Nikki Sanderson was literally dragged off the set. It's also meant that some of the cast have had to have their own revamps - for example, having a six month "cruise" so they can come back suitably "refreshed" for the unforgiving gaze of the new cameras.
The way Corrie's filmed means that the houses' interior sets can be replaced with ease. The problem is the more complicated permanent sets - Weatherfield's businesses. Underworld, the Kabin and Dev's shop have all been destroyed so they can be rebuilt from scratch to the higher spec - but what about the rest of Corrie's corporate world? Fortunately I've got my hands on an internal memo which outlines the forthcoming EXPLOSIVE storylines for 2011. As well as allowing for new sets to be built, it also enables Phil Collinson to get rid of some more dead wood.
February: it turns out that Minnie has been living under the floorboards at Prima Donner, explaining her mysterious disappearance. When Dev finds out he tries to fire her but, like so many women in Dev's life, when crossed she turns out to be a raving psychopath, and torches the kebab shop. It EXPLODES. Casualties: Minnie and Cheryl. No-one cares.
March: a terrible accident occurs when Dierdre Barlow lights up at the same time as Audrey sprays her hair with that day's fourth can of Elnett. The resulting EXPLOSION devastates the salon. Casualties: Audrey's eyebrows.
July: Eddie Windass sneaks behind the counter to steal a chip but burns his hand on the deep fat fryer. He knocks it over, causing an EXPLOSION which destroys Roy's Rolls. Casualties: Non-speaking extra Doreen from the factory, who is unlucky enough to have been promoted to cake duty that day.
August: Since his reign of terror with birthday cards from Richard Hillman went so well, David Platt goes on the rampage again. This time, he simulates the activities of another of Gail's dead husbands, and smashes up the medical centre. An accident with an oxygen tank results in an EXPLOSION which wrecks the surgery. Casualties: that fit doctor who sacked Gail.
October: in an attempt to open up the Rovers to new business, Steve invites a gang of students into the pub. Unfortunately, they turn out to be student anarchists, who destroy the pub in protest at tuition fees. In the melee, a fire extinguisher is thrown, crashing into the optics and causing an EXPLOSION which wipes the Rovers off the face of the earth. Casualties: the leader of the students turns out to be Alex, Michelle's genetic son. She is understandably devastated until it's pointed out to her that she has a spare anyway.
November: StreetCars' legendary dodgy armchair turns out to have been made entirely of highly flammable polyester and stuffed with a combination of dry paper, dead leaves and firecrackers. A particularly caustic comment from Eileen causes the chair to ignite, resulting in an EXPLOSION which can be seen from Smethwick. Casualties: Fat Brenda. All that is left is a pair of smouldering slippers on top of the rubble.
December: on Christmas Day, it is discovered that the cobbles themselves are not made of stone, as was first thought, but are in fact brittle plastic filled with a mix of TNT and petrol. This causes a problem when little Simon Barlow tries out his new toy in the Street - a toy gun that shoots electric sparks. There is an EXPLOSION which devastates the entire city of Manchester, causing it to be a no-go area for thirty years and the show having to relocate to Albert Square on a time share with EastEnders. Casualties: everyone except Ken Barlow who, it transpires, is an immortal.
7 comments:
Who's Minnie again - I'm thinking it probably isn't Minnie Caldwell...and I'm gutted my NBF Fat Brenda's getting torched :O) other than that - it all makes complete sense, thank you ;))
Yer cheeky flamin' thing!!
Don't worry loveys, I survive cos I'll be wearing me sexy asbestos underwear from the 1970s in an attempt to ensnare Eddie into some delta - tango - romeo - roger roger at the cab office!
Bren
x
Just be sure you don't snap any of the asbestos off and inhale the particles *voice of experience* :))
Lol brilliant stuff, merseytart! @Seapenguin, i think he was referring to Minnie, that friend of Amber's (and Rosie's?) that disappeared shortly after a shopping spree with Dozie Webster
Hmm...still can't picture Minnie, but I'll take your word for it Tvor :)
This picture might jog your memory.
http://www.revellation.co.uk/POPPY.jpg
CORRIE PREDICTIONS FOR 2011
* The return of Dev's uncle Umed is the start of a bitter rivalry between Gail Platt and Fat Brenda who both vie for Umed's affections. Eventually Gail gives up on Umed and marries Kirk Sutherland but he dies. So Gail marries Gary Windass (to the fury of David) but he dies. Gail's seventh- or is it eighth?- husband is the ghost of Tony Gordon, who kills her.
* There are two weddings- Tina & Graham and Chesney & Katy.
* Cheryl Cole makes a cameo as one of Tyrone's customers. Below is a transcript of the scene.
CHERYL: Pet, ya need to mend me car queek and fast so I cahn pick up me new footballer boyfriend.
TYRONE: I'll get to work on it, love.
CHERYL: Aah, pet, that'd be grand, like.
TYRONE: Oh Whitney Houston's on the radio! Our Mol used to love Whitney before she died.
CHERYL: Aah pet that's sooooo sahd. As for Whitneh pet, I'm not familiar with her music like.
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