Fat Brenda's Cream Horn

I'm writing this in Weatherfield library, I had to sneak in though because I've been banned from entering the building after I was caught defacing their Jeffrey Archer novels so I'll have to get on with it.

I've been waiting a long time for Gail to get her comeuppance and it finally happened, my ciggies tasted all the sweeter last night when Eddie told me she'd been sacked. She's nowt but a walking scowl with hairspray that one, strutting round like butter wouldn't melt; delving into that poor lasses medical records like that, it's a disgrace! If you accessed Gail's records it would say, 'meddles in everybody else's love life but ignores the flamin' obvious when it comes to her own. Constantly chooses unstable boyfriends over her family - prescribed: a slap!'

Still, at least young Nicky has got that lovely Leanne Battersby to look after him in his hour of need. As ex drug-addicted, sex-working, lottery-scamming, insurance-swindling people go, she's great! Poor Peter, he'll be reaching for that bottle in the next couple of weeks, you mark my words.

And finally, what about Natasha! Can you believe it? Can you actually BELIEVE what she did?! She got in a flamin' black-cab instead of the Streetcars taxi she ordered! What's the point of having Weatherfield's premier taxi firm on your doorstep if you're not going to use it. I've complained to Weatherfield council about that driver hanging around The Rovers trying to pick up our customers but would they listen? No they flamin' wouldn't!

Right, I'm going... I think one of the librarians has seen me... if you want to keep up with life in the cab office then click here. She's coming over I'm going to have to g...