Fat Brenda leaves Twitter

It's the end of an era. A seven year period of fun and witty wisdom via the medium of Twitter and 140 characters.  She even had a play all about her starring Steve Huison, who played Eddie Windass - read my review of it here.

Yes, Fat Brenda is no more. It's a sad time and I'm wearing my black Tena lady.

Fat Brenda has left Twitter.

She posted these tweets last week:

And that's me done loveys! I've had a belting seven years on the tweeter, but with me extra Wednesday hours in't cab office I've no time...

...It's been belting and I'd like to thank you for keeping me night shifts entertaining! So raise yer Mellow Birds mug, light yer ciggie...

... and adjust yer Tena Lady. This is Fat Brenda signing off - over and out. Xxxxxxxxxxxx

And so as we say farewell to a lovely lady and a Twitter legend, let's just remind ourselves of her talent with a look back at the very last Cream Horn she wrote for us.  It's here.

Read more Corrie news, interviews, gossip and spoilers  

Follow us on Twitter and Like us on Facebook

---

Please read our advice for leaving comments on the Coronation Street Blog
All original work on Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License

Keep Fit with Corrie: Week Eight - Fat Brenda’s Big Fat Workout

Gemma and Michael over at Conversation Street, the Corrie podcast, have been keeping fit the Corrie way!  

• In week one, they did the Vicky Binns work out
• In week two, it was the Kym Ryder work out 
• In week three, it was the Angela Griffin work out  
• In week four, it was the Beverley Callard work out 
• In week five, it was the Debbie Rush work out  
• In week six, it was Tina O'Brien, Lucy-Jo Hudson and Angela Griffin
• In week seven, it was Salsacise with Tracy Shaw

And this week, it's Fat Brenda’s Big Fat Workout!

"All this week, we’ve had the privilege of working out with Fat Brenda’s new workout DVD, Fat Brenda’s Big Fat Workout, seven days ahead of its release date of today, 1 April. Fat Brenda is best known for her work on Coronation Street, where she’s provided her skills for the switchboard at Street Cars, sharing her colourful personality with scores of punters over the years.

It’s recommended that you start slow with her DVD, as some of the sections are very intense – in fact, despite having worked out with stars for almost two months now, to begin with we found it hard to keep up with the action.

Even the warm-up was strenuous, as we employed one of her signature moves: guarding the biscuit tin. (Bear in mind you need two people for this one.) The ‘snatcher’ or ‘Steve’ stands one side of the room, while the ‘guarder’ or ‘Brenda’ is the other. Circling your arms in front of you, the guarder must spin in a circle, protecting the biscuit tin (don’t forget you need a real biscuit tin for this), while the snatcher runs from one end of the room to the other, attempting to grab the treats. Obviously this is a fitness regime and not a party game, so there’s no ‘winner’, but each round is ended when you both take a biscuit from the tin and eat it. Then reset positions and start again. This takes around ten minutes.

Next up is core strength, a series of exercises involving your stomach muscles. You need to make up three or four packets of jelly in advance, and set them into small bowls for this. Our favourite move was the press up over the jelly bowl – Fat Brenda ensures you work out properly by getting you to grab a mouthful of jelly on every dip to make sure you have proper form and go low enough. You also need a circular mould for the jelly to create a sort of Swiss Ball for some of the exercises, but we couldn’t find the correct sort  - please note the retail release comes with various items of equipment like that in the ‘deluxe’ package. This section is another ten minutes.

The arms routine was the most challenging, involving a series of bicep curls which you can adjust to your own level of strength. Seated at a table, with your elbow resting on the surface, you have to extend your arm and firmly grasp a cake, lifting it to your mouth and returning to grab the next one. We enjoyed this one because it was fully customisable – you’re advised to start with fairy cakes, but as you progress you can work your way all the way to heavier ones like fruit cakes. With minor adjustments, it can also be used to tone the triceps and get rid of those wobbly bingo wings – perfect for a night out at the Mecca hall with the girls on a Friday night.

Cardio boxing is another exercise which needs a partner. You also need alcoholic beverages, but the type is up to you – Brenda recommends slimline gin and tonic if you’re trying to lose weight, but in the video she uses pints of lager. Both people take a drink and then try to swing at each other – Brenda suggests imagining that your opponent is ‘that slapper from down the Dog & Gun’, but you’ll need to come up with your own motivation. Brenda employs moves like ‘the taunt’, ‘the stumble’, ‘the fall over and roll back up again’, and finally ‘the chunder’, although this is advanced and we only managed to pull it off once.

The final cooldown section was lots of fun – by this point you may be very near to losing consciousness from the G&Ts, so just allow yourself to get lost in the moment. Handbags are optional but we found it was helpful to have a focal point. As the cooldown music plays - Mika’s ‘Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)’ - sway back and forth with your eyes closed, moving in a circular fashion around the bag. Wave your hands around as you do so, just to release the final parts of the tension. If you like, you can even call out Brenda’s motivational phrases like ‘I piggin’ love this song!’, ‘I’m gonna hurl!’, ‘I’m sorry for being such a cow, Steve…’, and ‘Ugh, why did I eat all that cake?’.

It’s entirely down to you whether you eat the kebab at the finale, but we wanted to do the whole thing properly to get the real Fat Brenda experience.

We enjoyed our workout with Fat Brenda, and would definitely recommend it to anyone who doesn’t want to do the more traditional fitness plans. Fun, imaginative, and a great workout for your digestive system!

To find out more about our podcast, search for Conversation Street on iTunes, or go to conversationstreet.podbean.com. If you want to follow Gemma’s blog, all about her fitness journey, and her love of food and fashion, head to www.foodfashfit.com

 Follow Fat Brenda on twitter @FatBrenda

---

Please read our advice for leaving comments on the Coronation Street Blog
All original work on Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License

Fat Brenda's Cream Horn

I’ve just got back from seeing Michael at the hospital and I have to say, I think he’s doing pretty well for someone who’s married to Gail – cos he’s still alive!

“She kept me from saying goodbye to my son, Brenda” he whined.

“Oh Michael,” I said. “At least you’ve not been stabbed outside a nightclub or driven into a canal or tried to fake yer own death and actually died! And as for poor Martin, well he came off worse…”

“I thought he moved to Liverpool, Brenda,” he said.

“He did lovey, and if that wan’t bad enough, he’s now living in Warrington – it’s a fate worse than death is that!”

Mind you, after what Michael told me, I’m not surprised he had a heart attack; imagine Eileen trying to tear yer clothes off! I’ve seen the wild-eyed look she has when she tears the wrapper off a Kit-Kat let alone a fella and it in’t for the flamin’ faint-hearted I can tell you!

four fingers of fun!

It’s been a very sombre time in Weatherfield after the death of Kal who was killed in cold blood by Leanne who stopped him escaping from a burning building by telling him she’d marry him while climbing down a ladder depriving him of his only route to escape. Not one to take responsibility for her actions she’s decided to blame Carla who may or may not have forgotten to blow out a homemade candle that Sinead made to thank Steve for making her legs not work for ages, forcing her to lie on her back and be constantly hassled by an annoying Irish fella in a wheelchair. They say revenge is a dish best served cold but not for Sinead, for her revenge is a dish best served moulded into the shape of an eighties looking candle.

Kylie’s back and I have to say she’s looking very well for someone who’s been in a drugged up stupor for three months and lived on the streets of London wi’ nowt but a manky old Costa coffee cup full of five pees, coppers and broken dreams!

Talking of sleeping rough, poor Maddie’s gone to the great soup kitchen in the sky – poor lass. Sophie’s going round with a face like a wet weekend in Blackpool but I told her, “God moves in mysterious ways lovey, only the good die young and he probably wanted some knickers packing or his car cleaned so he took Maddie to heaven and one day when he needs a petulant lass to work in his shop he’ll take you an’ all!”

It didn’t help though, you can’t flamin’ help some folk!

"I'm flamin' Melanie!"

I was looking through the window of number thirteen hoping to catch a glimpse of Kevin changing out of his overalls - I’ve a thing about short hairy fellas – just ask Tyrone… I dream of running me fingers through his back hair...

Tyrone out of his overalls!

...  where was I..? So I was looking through the window and I was surprised to see Jenny wearing what looked like road kill on her head! She looked a bit like Uma Thurman in that Pup Friction… if Uma Thurman was totally off her rocker and from Weatherfield. She’s definitely up to summat cos she keeps calling and booking taxis in the name of Melanie!

“Hello, Streetcars”

“Oh hello, I’d like to book a taxi for thirteen Coronation Street please.”

“Yes Jenny, where are you going to, lovey?”

“No, it’s Melanie.”

“What’s Melony? Are you eating a sorbet or summat, Jenny?”

“No, me name’s Melanie.”

“Ok then Melanie, Where are you going to, Jenny?”

“Melanie.”

“Melanie? I’ve never heard of that, is it in Hale Barnes?”

“No, I told you, me name’s Melanie.”

“Oh, sorry Jenny. Where do you want to go, Melanie?”

“To the train station please, Brenda.”

“How do you know me name’s Brenda, Melanie?”

“Your name’s Brenda Melanie?”

“No, Jenny love, how does Melanie know me name?”

“Who’s Melanie?”

“Look Jenny, stop playing silly beggars, do you want this taxi or not? Hello? Hello?”

She flamin’ hung up on me! I tell you loveys, she’s not right that one!

I had that Todd in here the other day, gloating over the way he set his mam up by pretending to be someone from Dubai on a dating site! He was looking so pleased with himself that I thought it was probably the best time to tell him that I’d been doing the same to him for the past fortnight on Grindr!

“What..? You’re Rocco from Rosamund Street?” he gasped.

“Yes Todd I am! I’m flamin’ Rocco!”

“But I told you all about my… fantasies…”

“Yes you did Todd! You told me all about yer weird He-Man fetish! I have the flamin’ power an’ all that! Wearing yer undies and that blond wig you fashioned from one of Liz McDonald’s extension pieces! You flamin’ weirdo!”

“Ooooh but me scar on me face an’ all that!” he cried.

“What flamin’ scar!? Do you mean that tiny mark on yer face that looks like it’s been caused by a sudden rush of air from the gentle flapping of a chaffinch’s wing? There’s nowt flamin’ there! I’ve seen a paper cut leave a bigger scar than that!”

Todd's Grindr profile picture!

Anyhow, I’d better go; I’ve got Steve on his honeymoon, Michael in hospital and Lloyd in flamin’ Norway of all places so I’m working all hours just to keep this place afloat. And will I get any thanks for it? No I will not! It’s a lonely life when yer stuck in here wi’ nowt but a barrel of biscuits and a faulty kettle!

I'm on the Tweeter here! TWEETER ME!

Download our App | Follow on Twitter @CoroStreetBlog | Like on Facebook



All original work on the Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License

Fat Brenda's Cream Horn

Hello loveys!

Me punter hatch an' that!

This cab office is a bit like a confession booth; folk come in, slide open me punter hatch and tell me all their problems hoping to be absolved with a chocolate Hob-Nob and a mug of Mellow Birds. This week I’ve had Billy in, he’s having a right nightmare trying to balance his love of Sean and Jesus an’ that.

“I don’t know what to do Brenda, I’ve lied to the bishop and to God an’ all that…”

“Oh Billy,” I said, “God dun’t care if you love a fella or a lass! If god din’t like the gays he wouldn’t have invented George Michael – everyone loves George flamin’ Michael!”

God bless the gays an' that!

“What should I do Brenda?” he wept.

“You go back to that bishop and you tell him that this world is full of misery and hatred and the only thing we’ve got to combat that is love and compassion and understanding! You tell him that we’re all created equal; gay; straight; black; white; it dun’t matter! The only thing that matters is that we do right by folk, that we take a stand for what we believe in and hope that in putting our head above the parapet and challenging convention we can try and show a fraction of the bravery our lord Jesus Christ displayed…”

“You’re right Bren… You’re only flamin’ right…”

“… Or you could just lie and tell him that you and Sean have split up?”

“Yeah, I’ll probably do that” he said.

“Belting!” I replied, now on yer way, I’ve a queue out there. “Next!”

“Forgive me Brenda, for I have sinned…”

“Oh, what’ve you done now, Jenny..? Tell you what, Jenny love, don’t worry about it, just go and hit Maria in’t face, that’s what I do when I’m feeling depressed, it’s a proper stress reliever! ”

She’s off her rocker that Jenny! I was having a Dunhill outside the cab office and little Jack came over asking what I was doing. “I’m smoking lovey” I said, “Here, have a go if you like?” Cos I was always brought up to be generous and to share an’ that!

Jenny comes round the corner just as I’m showing Jack the best way to inhale so you don’t waste any!

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING, BRENDA!?”

“Oh give it a rest, Jenny” I said, “I’m just showing the lad how to smoke!”

Anyhow, that was it, she flamin’ flew at me, all arms and legs flailing trying to hit me an’ that! So, quick as a flash I picked up Jack and used him as a human shield! Oh loveys, the effect was immediate! It was like putting a cage cover over an angry ginger budgie; she just stopped! So there we were in a Mexican standoff, Jack still with his Dunhill in his mouth held aloft by me, and Jenny just itching to lamp me one.

“Jenny,” I said sternly, “I want you to lower yer fists and walk five steps backwards.”

She was angry but she knew I wasn’t bluffing, I’d hold that kid up in front of me face all day if necessary – beauty like mine needs to be protected! So back she went, “Catch!” I shouted and I pulled out the ciggie out of his gob like a pin from a hand grenade and lobbed Jack at her before scurrying back into the cab office and bolting the door!

A lot of folk think Jack was named after our greatly missed Jack Duckworth but he’s actually named after Kevin and Tyrone’s favourite piece of garage equipment!

I’m sick of that Callum skulking round pulling his facial expressions at all and sundry! He’s a leerer, leering all over the flamin’ place, leer there and everyflamin’where! And as for that Macca that he knocks about with, I used to babysit him when he was a nipper! Oh loveys, Macca is a lovely lad! He’s actually very sensitive when you get to know him. And as for that Gemma, she’s actually the administrator for the Weatherfield WI! They just pretend to be drug dealing types cos they’re writing a play about inner city squalor to perform at local schools in an attempt to try and teach children how to avoid a life of crime. Macca plays his part very well… but look at him when he moves; his background in contemporary dance is all too evident - he dun’t walk, he glides! He's like a young Wayne Sleep!

He's got the moves like Macca... an' that!

Faye’s still not bonded with her Miley. I told her about how easy it is to shoplift when you’ve a baby in a pram but she wasn’t interested.

“You can hide all sorts in one of these things lovey,” I told her. “ Joints of meat round her legs so she dun’t get too cold and then straight over to Primark for yer jeggings and tops!”

Kids these days, they’re not for listening! I don’t know why I bother!

It’s not long until the polls close for the general election. Norris has been in here six times trying to persuade me to let him display a UKIP poster in the cab office but I’m not having any of it! Sally is voting Conservative cos she thinks that it makes her sound posh and Emily is all about the Greens – on account her nephew Spider who’s running for election down south somewhere.

VOTE FOR SPIDER an' that!

Right then, I can’t stand here gossiping all day I’ve a switchboard to control!

Tweeter me here or whatevs innit...

Download our App | Follow on Twitter @CoroStreetBlog | Like on Facebook



All original work on the Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License

Is this Fat Brenda's handbag?

As I do sometimes I was looking at a few recent Coronation Street publicity pictures and in the background of this one of the cab office I spotted a handbag. It's just below the first-aid kit but who does it belong to? Andrea clearly has hers with her so that leaves Brenda or Eileen. Does it belong to the elusive switch operator or is she more of an Aldi carrier bag kind of a girl?

Download our App | Follow on Twitter @CoroStreetBlog | Like on Facebook



All original work on the Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License

Fat Brenda's Cream Horn!

Hiya loveys!

Roy told me he's after some organic vegetables, I said to him, “Get to Freshco, buy the cheapest ones and rub a bit of mud on ‘em!” but you know what he’s like, loveys, “That would be dishonest, Brenda; organic is more than ‘a bit of mud’, it’s an environmental issue; a health issue; it’s supporting local business…”

dirty carrot an' that!

“Roy love, I’ve only come in here for me usual," I said. "I’m not after a conser-flamin’-vation conversation! You can’t be into the environment and smoke as much as I do! I’m like a one woman polluting machine! I’m like a factory spewing out smoke into the atmos! If Lowry was still alive, he’d paint me on the horizon, all distant like, chugging away at a Dunhill while matchstick folk wandered about all ashen and grey an’ that, coughing from’t fumes! Now where’s me flamin’ cream horn!?”

Don’t get me wrong loveys, I adore Roy, he’s like an artist; a sculptor, buttering his baps with the same level of care and passion Michelangelo gave to David’s dangly bits! I don’t mean David Platt’s dangly bits - perish the thought! - I mean that statue of David what fellas see and scoff at, as if they’ve got more to offer a lass... they haven’t! Most fellas round here have got a fat belly full of Newton and Ridley’s and Prima Donner kebabs but that David, he's proper buff!

Phwoar!

Talking of David Platt, that Callum’s hanging round here in his white car thinking he’s God’s flamin’ gift! He came in the cab office and was giving it all, “Eeyar Brenda love, how’s about you and me go out one night?”

He must think I was born yesterday! I know what fellas like him want a lass like me for; he wants me to be one of them druggy horse donkey mule things that you read about what get sent abroad with a half kilo of funny white powder strapped to their gusset! 

I said to him, “Callum love, I was snorting Olbas Oil when you were still in short trousers and then I progressed onto the harder stuff, Vicks an’ that! I’ve seen what decongestant sprays can do to folk; they ruin lives! You might think yer all that with yer gorgeous physique and yer stubble like a young George Michael on’t cover of 1987’s Faith LP, but yer nowt; nowt but a pair of tight trousers and Weathy market knock-off trainers! You might think yer Max’s dad lovey but let’s be honest, that Kylie’s had more fellas than Nick Tilsley's had faces and just 'cos she says Max is yours dun’t mean he actually is! I’d get you to do a DNA test to prove it but I don’t know whether they do paternity tests for pond-life like you!”

He seemed a bit upset at that point, “… Can I just order a cab then please, Brenda?”

“Sorry about that Callum love,” I said, “I’m having a few problems with me waterworks at the moment and it’s putting me in a bit of a bad mood!”

“Oh aye, is that why yer always taking the pi-?”

“Right! That’s enough now lovey!” I snapped.

Manly stubble like what Callum's got an' that!

As usual, things aren’t good in’t cab office. Steve is still poorly and so is Michael and Eileen flamin’ Grimshaw is pulling pints at the Rovers! I say pulling pints but to be honest loveys, she’s flamin’ murdering ‘em! What she’s doing behind a bar I don’t know! She’s a face that could sour milk stout! So I’m here every hour that god sends covering her, Steve and Michael and I’ve problems of me own! I’ve joined a choir, had me moped nicked, had family up in court and that’s on top of me New Year’s resolution to learn how to play the harmonica – I’m always tempted to say mouth organ but the last time I said that, Liz McDonald said it sounds a bit rude… 

The big news in Weatherfield is the arrival of Jenny Bradley! It’s a testament to the community that we welcome folk of all ethnicities and the diversity to the area that another ginger brings is always a positive thing… Unless yer Rita! She’s worried that her flame-haired crown is gonna be taken by another - like that evil queen from that Snowy White she stands in front of the B&Q mirror Dennis put up for her and says, “Mirror Mirror on’t flamin’ wall, who’s the flamin’ gingerist of ‘em flamin’ all?” and the mirror always used to reply, “It’s you innit Reets – obvs!” That is until last week when the area’s favourite grease monkey, Kevin Webster, brought Jenny back onto the cobbles. Now the Mirror’s all, “Soz Reets, that Jenny’s back and I have to say she's looking belting!”

£9.99 from B&Q but it does have a bit of an attitude problem!

Well, Rita was furious and started going on about all the money Jenny’s had an’ that and how her dad tried to kill her before he was run over by that slow moving tram that hit him at four miles an hour! The last time I saw Rita she was dressed as an evil witch and brandishing a poisoned apple – I think it was poisoned anyway, it was from Dev’s and the quality of his fruit is always questionable! Either that or she got Norris (or Nasty, to give him his Seven Dwarves name) to spit venom at it!

I remember Jenny from way back when she worked as a papergirl at the Kabin. She used to deliver me magazine to Balaclava Terrace in the eighties and I knew she was a bad ‘un cos me Bella was always well thumbed by the time it got to me and she’d be reeking of the free Yardley Lace sample that was always mysteriously missing!

It’s nice to see that in a kind of preemptive strike, Michael has faced death BEFORE marrying Gail to try and break the curse that befalls any man who allows her to accept his ring. They're busy writing their vows now; I suggested shouting "DEAD MAN WALKING!" during the ceremony but he said it wan't appropriate or summat!

Anyhow, I’m going now cos I’ve heard there’s another Gavin knocking about and if he looks owt like the Gavin in’t Bistro I’m getting me name down first – he’s hotter than an electrical good from Barlow’s Buys that one!

If you want to tweeter me then I’m always on me hi-phone in Streetcars so say hello – here’s the linky! @fatbrenda

Download our App | Follow on Twitter @CoroStreetBlog | Like on Facebook


All original work on the Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License

See Fat Brenda in Cabaret Saltaire

Coronation Street cab office siren Fat Brenda will be appearing in cabaret this autumn.

Steve Huison announced the news on twitter today. Fat Brenda will be doing a turn at Cabaret Saltaire at the Caroline Club in Saltaire on Saturday September 20th.

You can visit Cabaret Saltaire's website to find out more and buy tickets.

Download our App | Follow on Twitter @CoroStreetBlog | Like on Facebook



All original work on the Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License

Fat Brenda missed off list of Sexiest 100 Women in the World

Coronation Street cab operative Fat Brenda has been missed out again in the rankings for the Sexiest 100 Women in the World.

Corrie's Michelle Keegan  is the highest ranking British name in the list, and is runner-up overall.  If you care about such things, the list is here.

We contacted Fat Brenda for a quote but she was drowning her sorrows with a cup of Mellow Birds and a Dunhill.   Follow her on the tweeter at @fatbrenda.

Download our App | Follow on Twitter @CoroStreetBlog | Like on Facebook



All original work on the Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License

Streetcar Stories: Fat Brenda's daughter arrives

Episode three of Streetcar Stories is now live at the official Coronation Street website.  Episode three is called ‘The Switch’ and it features Fat Brenda's daughter, Imogen.  Watch it here.

What’s more, Lloyd can’t believe his ears as Imogen, played by Misha Timmins, reveals Steve’s big secret. 

‘Streetcar Stories’, a four-part mini-series written by Chris Fewtrell, follows Steve and Lloyd’s late night antics in the Streetcars’ cab office.

Last Monday we saw them carrying out their own unique rendition of the Morecambe and Wise’s breakfast sketch.   Watch it here it's very funny.

Download our App | Follow on Twitter @CoroStreetBlog | Like on Facebook



All original work on the Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License

Corrie fans vote to see Fat Brenda on screen

Earlier this month we ran a poll to ask Coronation Street fans which unseen Corrie character they would most like to see turn up on the soap.

The results are in. 298 votes were counted and the results are as follows.

Which unseen Corrie character should we see?

Fat Brenda won with a whopping 252  votes, or 84.56%          
Little Shane Dooley, the paper boy came second with 20 votes, or 6.71%    
Big Garth off the market was in third place with 10 votes, or 3.36%     
Omar from the fridge shop was in joint fourth place with  Nobby and Nolene off the market who scored  8 votes each, or 2.68%      

Follow Coronation Street Blog on Twitter @CoroStreetBlog and Facebook: CoronationStreetBlog


All original work on the Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License

Fat Brenda's Queen's Speech An' That!

Annus horribilus! You don’t know the half of it! If it wan’t for that ointment I got from’t medical centre it’d still be bothering me now!

I’ll do me posh voice now.

When one thinks back over’t year, one cannot help but reflect on what an ‘orrible one it’s been an’ that. One has witnessed domestic abuse from that Kirsty; one has seen murders (right pain in the arson that one was); affairs; revenge; car accidents; cancer; the flamin’ lot! One sits on the throne here at Streetcars (not the loo, the cab office chair) and wonders what it is that keeps one here and then it dawned on one an’ that.

Hope - not Fiz’s kid what she had with that nutter John Stape; hope like proper hope. Hope for a better future; hope that Kylie will stop being annoying; hope that Tracy will go back to flamin’ prison; hope that someone will just tell Norris to bog off; hope that someone will explain why Nick has aged fifteen years… mind you, I’ve a theory on that. I think Nick ages in dog years; it’s the only thing that explains it.

Doing nights chained to a switchboard with nowt to do but play Sudoku and pop outside for a twice-hourly Dunhill means one gets to see the best and worst of Weatherfield. I see Dev keeping his shop open for everyone what lives here so they can pay over the odds for condensed milk; Emily and Sophie going to church to help them less fortunate than ‘emsleves – and if there is anyone out there less fortunate than either Emily or Sophie you have me flamin’ sympathy!

But for every good deed there’s a Karl burning down a pub or a Tina putting it about like a manky moggy in mating season. But then loveys, that’s life in’t it; there’s good and bad. And on this Cliffmas day let’s celebrate everyone and everything cos like the song says:

“A time for giving, a time for getting,

A time for forgiving and for forgetting.

Christmas is love, Christmas is peace,

A time for hating and fighting to cease.”

A lovely sentiment, loveys… and if you think that’s gonna happen in Weatherfield you’ve more screws loose than a flat-pack unit put up by Owen Armstrong!

We are going to lose Hayley soon and so it’s her I ask you to consider when life seems hard; when yer wages are going down and yer shopping bill’s going up; when it seems like life has kicked you in’t teeth, think of her and all those dear departed friends that have taken that black cab into the sky for one last milk stout before last orders…

Cliff bless you all loveys.

Follow Coronation Street Blog on Twitter @CoroStreetBlog and Facebook: CoronationStreetBlog


All original work on the Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License

Vote: Which unseen Corrie character would you most like to see?

In our annual Coronation Street review, we've come across some characters that have been mentioned, but never seen.  Characters like Fat Brenda, for example.

Which of the following, mentioned so far during the course of this year, would you like to see turn up one day on Coronation Street?

Vote now - and we'll give you the results next week!



Follow Coronation Street Blog on Twitter @CoroStreetBlog and Facebook: CoronationStreetBlog


All original work on the Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License

Two Coronation Street cast members rumoured for I'm a Celebrity 2013

This year's I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here starts on Sunday 17th November.  I love it!  It's one of the few reality TV shows I watch, along with Strictly Come Dancing.

Anyway, Micheal le Vell, who plays Coronation Street's Kevin Webster, is strongly tipped to turn up in the show this year.  If it's true he'll follow in the jungle steps of Corrie cast-mates Antony Cotton and Helen Flanagan, who have both appeared on the show.

The tabloids are always full of rumours as to who might be going into the jungle and it could be that Michael's name has just been added to the list before he returns to work at Corrie.

But then again, he was spotted flying off from Manchester airport last week and was then photographed in Dubai...

In other news, Fat Brenda, the siren of the Streetcars office is also rumoured to appear on the show as this leaked memo circulating on twitter now shows...

Follow Coronation Street Blog on Twitter @CoroStreetBlog and Facebook: CoronationStreetBlog


All original work on the Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License

Fat Brenda's Cream Horn

Oh Stella, she’s so strong; so courageous; so caring; vulnerable; firm but fair; fights tooth and nail for her kids (except the one she abandoned for years - obviously); she’s a fighter; an inspiration…

What-flamin’-ever!

“Eee bah gum Ah’ve scrubbed that pub for all it’s worth and I still carn’t ererz the memory of Karl from me maarrnd!”

That’s cos you can’t scrub a conscience lovey! Going to Dev’s for advice? What a nerve! Who was it that told him not to take Sunita back?! Who was that, Stella?! YOU!! And then lo and flamin’ behold you jump back into bed with creepy Karl and expect everyone to be flamin’ happy about it after setting off a chain of events that left Sunita fried like an abandoned chicken McNugget in the bowels of yer boozer!

“Eee bah gum, Dev, Ah just don’t think ah can carry on!”

GOOD!

“Oh but Stella, you love this pub, it's yer life.”

Is it? You’ve been there just over two flamin’ years or summat! I’ve had haemorrhoids that have lasted as long as you have behind that bar and I don’t weep when they’ve bogged off either!

Anyhow, I’ve been to Weatherfield General and seen our Nick to check the accident hasn’t left him with yet another face and I showed him pictures of me favourite biscuits.

“Not yours”, he shouted, “mine!”

“No Nick, they’re Brenda’s custard creams,” Leanne said.

“Not yours”, he continued, “mine!”

Oh loveys I din’t know what to do so I just ran!

"Not yours! Mine!"

It’s all change at Underworld in’t it? Peter up to his neck in women’s knickers – no change there then – and Michelle left to return to the Rovers (see what I did there, loveys?).  Carla is gutted that Michelle's gone cos now they can’t practice their Shakespeare’s Sister tribute act in the office when everyone’s left!  Look at the Betamax video I've popped onto this into-net bloggy page below if you don't believe me; it's them fighting over poor Liam back in't day!

Ryan’s gone to Ibiza and I will really miss him… I will... he always gave me an extra slice of donner meat if I flashed me gusset at him. He must’ve liked it when I did that cos he used to scream! Not just a little scream but a really big frightened scream; probably scared of his feelings of lust towards me – an older more experienced lass!

One flash of me gusset!

Anyhow, Owen is gutted that a fella won’t pay him and Anna is really annoyed cos she would never do that would she loveys? She would never refuse to pay someone for work that had been done!

O M flamin’ G! Pot kettle flamin’ metal! JOE MCCINTYRE! REMEMBER HIM?! It was the Windass’s that started his journey to the gutter (or Gail’s bed – they’re one in the same) by not paying for the kitchen he fitted, but Anna seems to have forgotten all about her velour tracksuit days dun’t she loveys?

Memories!

I'm going now and continuing me hunt for Doctor Carter who mysteriously vanished after I showed him me fiery nethers. We never actually got to the bottom of it cos every time I tried to show him he passed out and woke up weeping; must be really hard fighting yer feelings for a patient cos of ethics an' that - he wanted me like that Ryan!

Remember loveys, Balaclava Terrace in't just a place, it's a state of mind!

Anyhow, thanks for the gossip! Follow me on Tweeter if you like... HERE!!

You can follow us on Twitter @CoroStreetBlog and Facebook: CoronationStreetBlog

All original work on the Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License