This was of course just an excuse to reintroduce Dame Tracie Bennett as Sharon Gaskell, all wounded glamour and husky-voiced snark. Sharon's clearly been hammering the Superkings over the past twenty years - she made Kathleen Turner sound like Betty Boop. She immediately got Jenny and Gemma's backs up; Jenny thought it was outrageous that Sharon had once asked Rita to hand over a load of cash to her on the way out of town, clearly forgetting that time when Jenny came back to the show and asked Rita to hand over a load of cash to her on the way out of town so she could set up a beauty salon. To be honest I could've watched them swap thinly-veiled insults all week, so I was disappointed when Sharon confessed to being lonely and vulnerable and was forgiven. I'm also disappointed that Sharon appears to have some ulterior motive for returning to Weatherfield. Can't characters just be nice and repentant and want to visit their old family? Still, it's good to see Sharon again, and it's good to see Rita again now she's got the vaccine, her hair still as red as ever despite the fact that she hasn't been able to go to a hairdresser's to have her roots done for months. Funny that. She referred to Sharon, Jenny and Gemma as her daughters, which was very sweet, but did make me think that Sally should feel aggrieved - for a while back in the 90s Reet was barely out of the Webster's house, handing over her savings and taking them on holiday. If there was a champagne lunch going begging Sally should've been there for a million reasons, but mainly because I wanted to see her get drunk with these other fabulous broads.
Take only what you need. Tyrone finally moved out of his house and in with Alina Pop! after Fiz discovered he was having carnal relations with her. This was after a lengthy distraction where Emma thought Alina was having sex with Lucas - what is it about this man that attracts fake girlfriends? That's the second time in two weeks he's been accused of schtupping one of the ladies of the street just because he had a bit of a chat with them once. Tyrone immediately showed Alina Pop And Her Pop Up Shop what life with him would be like by whisking her off to the glamour of a Premier Inn outside Knutsford. Stick with him babe and you could be at mid-budget hotels all over the north-west; if you're lucky he might treat you to a steak at the Beefeater as well.
Predictably, Fiz was an emotional wreck, almost breaking some cheap symbolism Tyrone's World's Best Dad mug and crying on Chesney's shoulder when he'd only nipped round to boil wash a dozen baby grows. Naturally Hope leapt at the excuse to turn EVIL again and immediately clouted Joseph. At some point Tyrone is going to realise that it's actually his name on the deeds of number 9 Coronation Street and the only child he's related to who lives there is adorable moppet Ruby and Fiz and her demon spawn are going to be out on their ears.
The justice system is broken. It was Faye's sentencing and she appeared alongside Gary in a hilariously extended dock for social distancing - it looked like they were part of a criminal gang but the rest of their compatriots had escaped. All of her family was there to support her, by which I mean, all of her family who are currently under contract; Anna couldn't be bothered travelling down from Durham, but then, as Corrie always points out, crossing the Pennines is a job only performed by the very bravest of souls. Faye got three years in the women's prison, which looks quite a lot like the men's prison - don't be surprised if Johnny accidentally wanders into the back of shot, waving a snooker cue around as usual. Meanwhile Gary was finally released from prison and he immediately returned to his criminal ways, proving that prison is a waste of time really.
Punch above your weight. Someone finally spotted that Corey is the most smackable teenager in a five mile radius and belted him; slightly surprisingly, it was Aadi. In real life, Adam Hussain practices Thai boxing, and this seems to have leeched over into his fictional life - do we really believe that Old Aadi would've ever punched anyone?
While Asha was predictably upset, Dev was delighted, and let him have the posh crisps out of the dresser while demanding to hear all the details. It was absolutely wonderful and only slightly spoiled by Asha coming downstairs and throwing a strop and saying she was moving out. Let her go, Dev. She's bringing down the joyous vibe in Alahan Towers. Invite Mary to move into the spare room and then the three of you can have delightful family evenings watching films together while Asha has to listen to Corey wanging on about his XBox in a grim bedsit.
The author is writing this while dressed in the traditional garb of a Goth which, as we learned in Friday's episode, is a bin bag with holes punched in it for your arms. Photos can be obtained by messaging me on Twitter @merseytart.
