Cosy crimes and gritty sagas by Corrie Blog editor Glenda, published by Headline. Click pic below!

Saturday 24 April 2021

Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

And the loser is...  It's appropriate that in this, the week of the Academy Awards, we got the return of one of the producers' favourite plot devices: an absolutely useless "good citizen" award.  Gemma got nominated for one a few years ago for doing Rita's shopping, Jude claimed he'd saved Roy's life from a bee sting and got another, while Aggie managed to actually win one for her amazing achievement of failing to stop Robert from dying.  The criteria for recognition is so low I could probably get one, and I'm horrible.  Now it's Rita's turn to get nominated for an award, for her achievement of "fostering a couple of kids in the early 80s then giving up after the dad of one tried to throttle her."  She's not exactly Pippa from Home and Away, is she?

This was of course just an excuse to reintroduce Dame Tracie Bennett as Sharon Gaskell, all wounded glamour and husky-voiced snark.  Sharon's clearly been hammering the Superkings over the past twenty years - she made Kathleen Turner sound like Betty Boop.  She immediately got Jenny and Gemma's backs up; Jenny thought it was outrageous that Sharon had once asked Rita to hand over a load of cash to her on the way out of town, clearly forgetting that time when Jenny came back to the show and asked Rita to hand over a load of cash to her on the way out of town so she could set up a beauty salon. To be honest I could've watched them swap thinly-veiled insults all week, so I was disappointed when Sharon confessed to being lonely and vulnerable and was forgiven.  I'm also disappointed that Sharon appears to have some ulterior motive for returning to Weatherfield.  Can't characters just be nice and repentant and want to visit their old family?  Still, it's good to see Sharon again, and it's good to see Rita again now she's got the vaccine, her hair still as red as ever despite the fact that she hasn't been able to go to a hairdresser's to have her roots done for months.  Funny that.  She referred to Sharon, Jenny and Gemma as her daughters, which was very sweet, but did make me think that Sally should feel aggrieved - for a while back in the 90s Reet was barely out of the Webster's house, handing over her savings and taking them on holiday.  If there was a champagne lunch going begging Sally should've been there for a million reasons, but mainly because I wanted to see her get drunk with these other fabulous broads.

Take only what you need.  Tyrone finally moved out of his house and in with Alina Pop! after Fiz discovered he was having carnal relations with her.  This was after a lengthy distraction where Emma thought Alina was having sex with Lucas - what is it about this man that attracts fake girlfriends?  That's the second time in two weeks he's been accused of schtupping one of the ladies of the street just because he had a bit of a chat with them once.  Tyrone immediately showed Alina Pop And Her Pop Up Shop what life with him would be like by whisking her off to the glamour of a Premier Inn outside Knutsford.  Stick with him babe and you could be at mid-budget hotels all over the north-west; if you're lucky he might treat you to a steak at the Beefeater as well.

Predictably, Fiz was an emotional wreck, almost breaking some cheap symbolism Tyrone's World's Best Dad mug and crying on Chesney's shoulder when he'd only nipped round to boil wash a dozen baby grows.   Naturally Hope leapt at the excuse to turn EVIL again and immediately clouted Joseph.  At some point Tyrone is going to realise that it's actually his name on the deeds of number 9 Coronation Street and the only child he's related to who lives there is adorable moppet Ruby and Fiz and her demon spawn are going to be out on their ears.

The justice system is broken.  It was Faye's sentencing and she appeared alongside Gary in a hilariously extended dock for social distancing - it looked like they were part of a criminal gang but the rest of their compatriots had escaped.  All of her family was there to support her, by which I mean, all of her family who are currently under contract; Anna couldn't be bothered travelling down from Durham, but then, as Corrie always points out, crossing the Pennines is a job only performed by the very bravest of souls.  Faye got three years in the women's prison, which looks quite a lot like the men's prison - don't be surprised if Johnny accidentally wanders into the back of shot, waving a snooker cue around as usual.  Meanwhile Gary was finally released from prison and he immediately returned to his criminal ways, proving that prison is a waste of time really.  

On the plus side, Gary can now play with Jake, or as I called him when he appeared onscreen, "who the hell is that?".  I thought one of those crying Victorian child paintings had come to life.  His mum Izzy appeared finally, via video chat, agreeing to work from home and pal up with Beth to stop her from getting lonely.  Beth, on the other hand, remains AWOL, with Kirk continuing to relay what she thinks at all time, like he's Harry Corbett with Sooty.  I'm looking forward to her finally returning once she's had the jab, releasing all that pent up energy from not being able to screech at anyone for a year, and ping-ponging round the Street bawling at all the people who've been awful during lockdown (i.e. everyone).

Punch above your weight.  Someone finally spotted that Corey is the most smackable teenager in a five mile radius and belted him; slightly surprisingly, it was Aadi.  In real life, Adam Hussain practices Thai boxing, and this seems to have leeched over into his fictional life - do we really believe that Old Aadi would've ever punched anyone? 

While Asha was predictably upset, Dev was delighted, and let him have the posh crisps out of the dresser while demanding to hear all the details.  It was absolutely wonderful and only slightly spoiled by Asha coming downstairs and throwing a strop and saying she was moving out.  Let her go, Dev.  She's bringing down the joyous vibe in Alahan Towers.  Invite Mary to move into the spare room and then the three of you can have delightful family evenings watching films together while Asha has to listen to Corey wanging on about his XBox in a grim bedsit.

Thank you for being a fiend.  Finally, something good's come out of the nonsensical Cathy troll plot, and that something is personalised bath robes.  She's inflicting herself on Yasmeen and Elaine (and Ryan and Alya, though they are clearly off filming another storyline somewhere else) and everyone is pulling politely tolerant faces as she fills the house with her tacky internet purchases.  I have to say, she doesn't seem to be missing love of her life Brian; is it possible that this entire trolling campaign was actually perpetuated by Cathy herself as a way of getting out of the relationship?  She's now referring to the three ladies as The Golden Girls, but she got their assigned roles wrong.  Elaine is Rose, absolutely, but Yasmeen is far more Dorothy than Blanche, which makes Cathy... well, she's not Blanche or Sophia.  Cathy is more like a one episode guest character who stays with the Girls and who they bitch about over cheesecake.  Perhaps all these Amazon purchases are a sign that Cathy's hoarding instincts are coming back again, another of those troubling conditions like Craig's OCD or David's epilepsy that were a plotline for a couple of months and then apparently went away.  Won't that be fun.

The author is writing this while dressed in the traditional garb of a Goth which, as we learned in Friday's episode, is a bin bag with holes punched in it for your arms.  Photos can be obtained by messaging me on Twitter @merseytart.

All original work on Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License


Charles said...

I also hoped that Sally would be included in the gathering of Rita's "daughters". Maybe throw in the ghost of Tina McIntyre for good measure.

Anonymous said...

Great review as always.

I’m enjoying Seb and Nina, the Alahan’s (although Asha's becoming too angsty), Sharon’s return, even Carla and Peter (but for the love of God would Peter shave that beard! Having liver failure is no excuse to look like Ian Beale from his homeless days).

What’s Lucas still doing on the show? Is he after Alina now? Why is Corrie so reluctant to let go of characters who have served their purpose? Lucas was brought in to stir up unnecessary drama for Carla and Peter, but they’re married now so there’s no reason for him to hang around. The same goes for Alina, who should’ve left when the slavery plot ended. Kelly Neelan is another one who's outstayed her welcome. And Tim's mum, come to think of it.

Wouldn’t it be better to let these characters go so more investment can be given to the well-established characters on the show? Personally, I’d like to see more Jenny, Sharon, Carla and Debbie content – strong women are the backbone of Corrie (or they used to be) so I want these ladies to take centre stage. Already loving the rivalry between Jenny and Sharon (Gemma, not so much) and I’d love Debbie and Carla to go into business together - anything that gets Carla out of the factreh of the damned!

Now Gary’s out of prison do you think we’ll ever get a conclusion to the factory roof collapse saga? It happened over two years ago and the story’s gone nowhere. It’s as boring as this who ‘Ray attacked Faye so she hit Adam over the head’ storyline. I almost feel sorry for the actor who plays Gary. The producer hyped him up as being the next supervillain, compared him to the likes of Mike Baldwin – it’s not really turned out that way, has it?

coconno196 said...

Yes. I remember Rita giving Sally and Kevin a load of money when the girls were small.
I am really liking new Aadi and loved the scene with Dev. Corey is horrible. What on earth does Asha see in him?

Sharon boothroyd said...

Great post.
We've fantastic female actress on the street now - Melanie hill (Cathy) Jane Hazelgrove Bernie) Sue Devany (Debbie) Paula Wilcox (Elaine) Maureen Lipman (Evelyn) and now Tracie Bennet (Sharon). I just hope they're all given great plot lines!


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