By Stephen Leach, who is in Twitter @SirTerenceBoot - read all of Stephen Leach's guest blogs here.
Alas, poor Oliver. We scarcely knew him – literally. Even for a child character who never speaks, he has an astonishing lack of personality: I feel like I could tell you more about Jake Windass, and he hasn’t even appeared onscreen for about three decades. It doesn’t help that in the most recent hospital scene they used what appeared to be a bowling ball wearing a wig as a stand-in. But it’s all dreadfully sad, either way, and it does seem incredibly cruel to give Steve yet another lost child (first Karen’s miscarriage, then Tracy’s twins, then Michelle’s stillborn son).
It’s hard to feel too much sympathy for Leanne, though, when a single wrong word can cause her to erupt with rage and roar obscenities at everyone present like some sort of elegantly-coiffed primitive beast. No wonder Nick’s afraid to tell her he’s got a secret son; I’d be afraid to tell her I forgot to empty the dishwasher. I don’t much fancy Liz’s chances when she returns and Leanne furiously castigates her for holidaying in Spain the whole time Oliver was at death’s door – ah, real life really does write the plot sometimes, doesn’t it?
Speaking of which, I’m enjoying all the tricks the production team are throwing at us in a vain effort to try and make us forget that Weatherfield isn’t under social distancing regulations – creative camera angles, outdoor scenes where characters converse from opposite sides of the road, and ever more ridiculous excuses for why certain characters aren’t in the room. Initially I’d hoped that Corrie would just pretend that coronavirus wasn’t a thing at all, but I think they’ve coped surprisingly well, and it’s weirdly given some parts of the street – the Rovers, for instance – a new energy.
But here’s the thing. I was actually really enjoying there only being three episodes a week. The pacing felt tighter, the cliffhanger endings had more impact, and having less content overall to digest made the show feel more like a treat. Now there’s five or six episodes a week again I feel like I’ve come off a diet and gone straight back to bingeing. Could we not perhaps meet in the middle, ITV?
So it’s going to cost Steve and Leanne half a million quid for an experimental treatment. Sounds like a lot, but when you think about it, it shouldn’t be too tricky. Maybe they should ask Tyrone for advice; he got himself about 10k in debt creating a winter wonderland for Herp when she was deathly ill, and then promptly did a few evening shifts at Streetcars and paid it all off with ease. Alternatively, a few fundraising events in the deserted Rovers will probably be sufficient – I know I’m not the only one who’d pay through the nose for a few of the more annoying characters to participate in a sponsored silence.
You know who’s unexpectedly become my favourite character of late? Dev. He used to be such a sleazy creep, so it’s funny seeing him take issue with his daughter’s equally sleazy creep of a boyfriend. In stark contrast to Daniel, facial hair really works on him, and he also works far better as a character when he’s not constantly chasing women.
So how long will it be before Daniel convinces Nicky to give up her lucrative job as a hooker and to come and live in virtuous poverty with him on t’Street? It can’t be long now, surely. He impressed us all very briefly with his liberal outlook and socially conscious terminology (“Prostitute? Adam, please modify your language. The politically correct term is sex worker”) but constantly begging her to ditch her clients and spend the afternoon goofing around with him? Not a great look, Daniel. And neither is that gross depression beard.
But I might be underestimating him; maybe he’ll allow her to keep her job and have her conduct her appointments from his flat. “Just think about it – it’s safer! And Bertie needs a female role model! Who looks, dresses, and smells kind of like his mum!” Bleurgh. So creepy. Take it from one who knows, kid – therapy is much cheaper.
By Stephen Leach, who is in Twitter @SirTerenceBoot - read all of Stephen Leach's guest blogs here.
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