Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

Thank the Lord.  I don't know why, but I'm ridiculously over-invested in Billy's promotion.  Maybe it was because it's a ray of light in an otherwise depressing week.  Maybe because it's nice to see someone actually be good at their job and succeed.  Maybe it's because Paul took his clothes off.  Whatever it is, I'm thrilled that Billy is now going to be Archdeacon.  I hope he moves into his plush whatever the equivalent of a vicarage is (a deaconage?) with Paul and Summer and he has a very nice time.  They can still come back to the Street of course - Audrey's lived in Grasmere Drive for thirty years and it hasn't stopped her from continuing to prop up the bar at the Rovers - but otherwise they'll be living happily ever after.  Of course that won't happen, because this is a soap opera, and Todd keeps appearing and making evil faces on the sidelines, but we can dream.

In the meantime, a round of applause for Daniel Brocklebank, who continues his mission to be the filthiest gay in the history of the Street.  Billy was demanding Paul do a striptease for him after the Bishop left and suggesting they nip home for a bit of afternoon delight; he's constantly on heat, and I am all for it.

Sisters before misters.  Here's how a soap opera storyline works: a man is going out with a woman, but he flirts with her mate.  She keeps quiet about it, then it all comes out, and she looks guilty for not saying anything, and there's a lot of arguments.  Thank goodness then for Eileen, who cut through all that nonsense and told Mary immediately after George hurled unsubtle come-ons at her.  It was a moment of wonderful female solidarity and it was great.  Not so great for Mary of course, who has had her hopes dashed again, but at least she can sit at home with Eileen and call him names.  With any luck that nasty make-up Sean put on George will cause his face to come out in hives.

Never cheat the cliffhanger.  Monday's first episode ended with a drunken Leanne demanding that Steve take her to bed.  Oh no! we thought.  What will Steve do?  Well, knowing Steve, probably sleep with her, but anyway.  We all tuned back in after EastEnders to find out.  And the very first line of dialogue at 8:30 was:

No.  That's cheating.  You can't stick a cliffhanger out there then immediately resolve it by having Leanne change her mind.  It'd be like having Peter find Ken slumped in a chair and declaring "he's dead!", only for the next episode to start with him saying "oh no, my mistake, he's just sleeping."  It's lazy and it doesn't treat the audience with respect.  And yes, that is literally the only thing I'm going to write about Steve and Leanne this week, because I didn't care about Oliver back in March, so you can imagine how little I care eight months later.  

Team bonding is cheap when you only employ four people.  Eileen instructed Todd to get off his derriere this week and find a job.  What did this qualified legal professional do?  Why, he wandered over the road and got a job in the sales at Underworld, because apparently everyone works there now.  They've got a bigger telesales team than Anglian Windows.  Plus there's packing, and the people who actually stitch the knickers, and I'm pretty sure Sarah-Lou mentioned a design department the other week.  So it was just embarrassing when Sarah-Lou organised a team bonding session and could only scrape together five attendees, including her.  Where was everyone else?  Maybe they all secretly hate her and even a free korma couldn't tempt them to spend the evening with her.  Things got worse the next day, when apparently everyone in the factory was outside after seeing a rat, and "everyone in the factory" turned out to be just Sally, Alina Pop! and Beth.  Is there a really complicated shift system we don't know about that means there's never more than half a dozen people in Underworld at any one time?  

Also: a buffet?  Laid out on a table in the open air?  In a pandemic?  Maybe Sarah-Lou's trying to reduce the payroll by killing everyone off.

Clothes are character.  Obviously I was obsessed with Sean's peacock feather t-shirt the minute it appeared onscreen.  It was camp and flamboyant and nonsensical, just like Sean himself, and it set the socials ablaze.  However, when this very blog revealed it came from Harvey Nichols and cost sixty quid, I became quite angry.  Sean works in a factory and has a part-time job in a pub.  He lives in Eileen's front room.  He asked for a rent holiday last week because he got in hock for £300 for a pair of football tickets.  He should not be wearing a sixty pound t-shirt; he should be in Primark and George at Asda.  The writers must feel so let down, pouring themselves into a storyline about how impoverished Sean is only to see it undercut by a load of designer clobber.

Antony Cotton tweeted that he "sourced it" and the Costume Designer bought it.  Well, that's marvellous that you got ITV to pay for you to wear a nice outfit Ant, but it's not exactly in character is it?  I get that Sean is a guy who likes fashion but sixty pound t-shirts?  He was homeless a couple of years ago; he shouldn't be buying clothes from Harvey Nicks.  Still, as Antony says, it'll soon be joined by a jacket from the same designer.   It costs £100.  I hope Eileen refused him that rent holiday and instead demanded he put his wardrobe on Ebay to pay her back immediately.  

I'm not sure I can stand much more of Leanne alternately screaming and sobbing and storming out of rooms.  Tell me it'll all get better soon on Twitter @merseytart.

---

---

All original work on Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License