A thriving hotbed of commerce it is not. You get the impression that the Weatherfield Wayfarer will never have to run multiple services in order to ferry the masses to the shopping mecca that is Coronation Street. Even the business-savvy combination of Mary Portas and Alex Polizzi would wither under the effort of trying to breathe life into the motley trio of corner shop, Kabin and pawn parlour. Was it always like this?
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Today the shop seems to serve as an area for Sophie to slouch in, shoving produce across the counter with as much contempt as she can muster. If she's not half comatose across the hob-nobs, then she's hurling peanuts at Maddeh. Better that than Dev having a meltdown or MELTdown as he would probably bellow. It's time for the shop to return to providing good service with a side order of salacious gossip. Cometh the hour, cometh the tabard, cometh Julie Carp. Dear, dotty old Julie would shine behind that counter.
Across the cobbles and we bow down before the glittering Palace of Sanctimony. Please step inside for newspapers, a quarter of sweets and a good old talking down to by Mother Earth. Be brave and try a little chit-chat with Rio Rita and within seconds she will have, in a caring, considerate and non-patronising way, put you right. It's her way or the highway so think on. Or if you are unlucky, service will be provided by a shrewish camp old man. You will never want to shop there again. Not for you the selection of unheard of magazines and worrying selection boxes.
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Compared to yesteryear though, the Kabin is a customer's dream. Forty years ago, a trip to the shop would have entailed shuffling down some alley. Once through the door, you would be greeted by a clapped-out cabaret singer and a nervous wreck who would happily dish out sweets from suspect jars whilst you browsed the Peters & Lee LPs, selected the latest Margaret Drabble from the library section and were then ushered to a tiny table where you were served tea in the company of Albert Tatlock. Had the Kabin remained in the same premises, Mavis would now been offering a tattooing service in the flat while Rita flogged you a mobile phone. Let's not even get started on the medieval wooden till.
Every other consumer option currently on offer is seriously warped. A meal at the Bistro/Nick's Place/Whatever consists of being shown to a table six inches from the main door in order to watch the owner's family provide a pantomime of abuse and name calling. Pop over to the kebab shop and it's Munch's Scream dishing out chilli sauce with added venom. Shuffle on down to Tracy's Tat for a plethora of stolen hairdryers and a proprietor who begins every sentence with a sarcastic "Well hello?"
Does the Street offer value for money and service with a smile? Should we be hoping for 'under new management' signs gracing the shop windows? Or should we all just clamber aboard the Weatherfield Wayfarer and head for the Arndale Centre?
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10 comments:
Excellent! Sadly no photo of the wonderful Renee in her flowery brown and orange tabard though. Those were the days. I loved Maggie Clegg, a shame she wasn't referenced at Bettys funeral
Please continue on, have it published in paperback, you'd be rolling in the money - absolutely fabulous article!! My particular favorite was the description of Sophie and her attitude - WONDERFUL!
I should definitely have included dear old,lorry-squashed Renee. She's probably the kind of woman the corner shop so desperately needs!
I'd love to see Julie in the shop. Sales would soar as she would insist residents buy at least a packet of biscuits in return for juicy gossip. Only one fly in the Garibaldi and that's Sophie. The shop isn't big enough for the both of them. Will they ever write Sophie out?
I think Dev should sell up to Fresco's and a Fresco express should open with Julie as supervisor. They could even throw in some self scans just to wind up Deirdre who just wants a bottle of rose wine without a computer asking for ID!
So funny.....and true :D
Is Rio Rita named after the singer in the classic Abbott and costello movie where they go down to Rio Grande for a little crazy fun, or from the original stage рroduction of 1927 -with the film version in 1929 starring bebe daniels? - I'm guessing the original and best right? thanks, John
Hilarious, Clinkers - thanks!
Bev
Sure right about the Bistro - a supposedly "upmarket" restaurant where most of the residents have their meals. Should be renamed Bedlam.
No mention of Roys or the Rovers where customers can get rudeness and surly behaviour as the norm and if they are lucky even a pint topped over their heads!
Excellent post, but no mention of the gym that is the size of a phone box and run by a man who has never been near a gym in his life. Also the lack of espresso machine in roys rolls where they still only serve coffee in empty paper cups. What about the Rovers which is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. I agree, the corner shop should be a freschco express and put Julie in charge. Kirk needs to open the butchers with Chesney. We need to see more of the chippy.
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