Cosy crimes and gritty sagas by Corrie Blog editor Glenda, published by Headline. Click pic below!

Monday, 22 October 2012

The Street - would you live there?


In some bizarre, parallel universe, there is probably an edition of Location Location Location in which Phil & Kirsty amble down Coronation Street. I can’t imagine it would make for an edifying programme. There are more than one properties that fail to meet the ‘des res’ standard. Okay, maybe not as many as yesteryear. Who can forget Hilda Ogden’s medieval kitchen? The poor woman might as well have been cooking over an open fire. Then again, Hilda was no domestic goddess and you hardly need a top of the range AGA to unwrap a bag of chips.

There was also that freaky little creation that Gail and Brian shuffled around in back in the 1980s. It was barely a one-up, one-down and had trouble accommodating our Brian’s bouffant as he and Gail trundled around their micro-bijou hutch.

Until recently, the award for ‘Somewhere Horrible to Live/Exist’ was held by Peter Barlow’s flat. Most visitors had to enter the place sideways, crab-like before negotiating that nasty dining table (or was it just a large dinner plate on sticks?) and tripping over Carla’s ever-jangling handbag and falling headlong into the sofa. 

There is a new pretender to the crown though. Step forward Michelle’s ‘apartment’. “Oh to be alive on this glorious dawn” the raven-haired one must sing to herself each day, as she rises to the smell of stale kebab meat, or Steve as we call him. The joy of her doll’s house kitchenette, the over-sized sofa, another rotten old dining set, her charity shop pieces of ‘art’. Spare a thought for poor old Ryan, a six-foot bloke sharing a slice of roof space with the equivalent of asbestos insulation, namely Tracy luv. No wonder Michelle is evolving into a demented harpy. She would be more comfortable in an Underworld packing crate.
The Rovers gets more baffling as the centuries roll by. Back in the days when Ena’s hairnet was still a lass, the pub sported umpteen bars and function rooms. It would have come as no surprise to have seen Annie Walker showing punters into a five hundred seat theatre nect ton the gents lav. All of that extra space disappeared in the 1980s only to have now re-appeared upstairs. Suddenly the upper storey boasts numerous bedrooms, a flat and space for B & B guests. Give it a few weeks and Gloria will be leading Ken and Deirdre up to the roof terrace for cocktails. 

Meanwhile, spanking new developments such as Victoria Court are now studiously ignored. No one can afford to live there or no one wants to. Will new life ever be breathed into this part of the Street? Or can we expect even more characters to be crammed into Weatherfield’s attics?
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11 comments:

Humpty Dumpty said...

I wouldn't mind living on the street because my accommodation would grow a couple of rooms whenever I needed them. There's a first-rate GP who always has time to visit and would make specialist appointments on my behalf. It has a string of eateries which must be value for money because they're generally full. The pub landlady is the resident therapist and I haven't checked this out but she might even even tell your fortune, too. There isn't a post office anymore but there is a very handy taxi rank to take you to wherever it's gone. As for the neighbours, like everywhere,some are better than others. It's a bit cliquey so I'd have to be in with one of the old-timers, otherwise I'd always be in the background at the pub, or just leaving the corner shop as they're coming in. One thing against the street, they do have an awful lot of tragedies: trams crashing, road accidents, house fires. Get a good insurance policy and you couldn't live anywhere better.

Tvor said...

Let's not forget that little building that houses both the salon in front and Streetcars in back and has two flats overheard both of which apparently have two bedrooms or more. Not sure how many Maria's flat has unless Kirk is sharing with Liam and it seems Marcus is no longer sleeping on the sofa. Maybe Liam is in with Maria and Jason and Kirk and Marcus are sharing.

Loon the Baloon said...

I would love to live on the Street. I could walk out of a job for whatever reason and be offered another one a few doors down within the hour, whether I was trained for it or not. I would never have to cook or visit the supermarket; I could eat in the Rovers, Roys Rolls or the Bistro every day of the week. If I wanted to rent a flat, one would become available immediately. If I wanted to buy, then instead of the normal months it takes for the sale to go through, it would take days before I could move straight in. I could throw beer or a drink over a neighbour for the smallest of reasons and never get charged with assault or receive a smack in the chops for my trouble. Even though I had a dead end job that paid peanuts I would always have money in my pocket to spend on booze. Yes Coronation Street is definitely the place to live!

ChiaGwen said...

LOL! Brilliant article David and the comments are hilarious. If the show seems dull at times you just have to come on here and read the comments to get your comedy!

Dolly Tubb said...

And there's the Medical Marvel that is Weathy General on t'doorstep!!

Janice said...

Don't forget on this street even though you will always be struggling for rent money, your weddings and funerals will be lavish. Limos, flowers galore and the decorations are free.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget the designe clothing and handbags that the poor machinists cart around.

It's just too wonderful on Coronation Street!

maggie muggins said...

This has got to be one of the funniest articles in the blog ever, eliciting some of the best comments ever!

Don't forget how easy it is for residents to fly off to sunny climes at the drop of a pin, even with a low-skilled job and without even notifying the boss! It's a magical kingdom.

Anonymous said...

Jobs wise it has to be the best in the whole of Britain. Nobody is out of work for long and when they are they never suffer the humiliation of applying for benefits, it doesnt disturb their life style at all, still drinking in the Rovers and ordering egg and bacon butties a few doors from their own homes in Roys. There is never an interview or application forms to fill in or indeed other candidates, just offered then and there on the spot without so much as a reference taken up. If you are unwell you never have to make an appointment with the doc or even have to wait for one, he is always available to just comes straight round to your home.

BarrieT said...

hilarious article....i could never live on t'street cos where would i park my car? you forgot dev & sunita's house that has the dining table next to the front door. it was twice as spacious when curly watts lived there.

Janice said...

Of course dating is a singe on the street. You never need to look beyond your doorstep to find your next love interest. When the well runs dry someone conveniently moves into the 'hood.

GRITTY SAGAS BY CORRIE BLOG EDITOR GLENDA YOUNG, PUBLISHED BY HEADLINE. CLICK PIC BELOW!

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GRITTY SAGAS BY CORRIE BLOG EDITOR GLENDA YOUNG, PUBLISHED BY HEADLINE. CLICK PIC BELOW!