Fat Brenda's Cream Horn

Hello loves, it's Brenda time.

I'm writing this on the newly repaired laptop from the Kabin, obviously Norris doesn't know. Rita took pity on me prodding away at me orange apple hi-phone and suggested I borrow it.

Imagine me surprise when I went to the doctor's for a repeat prescription of me Regulan IBS medicine and Deirdre flamin' Barlow was behind the desk! I could have hugged her, I was sick of Gail looking down her nose at me and if there's one thing you could never accuse Deirdre of, it's being snooty. We popped out for a ciggie on her break and all she could talk about was Doctor Matt Carter, she thinks all she has to do is ply him with out of date Gipsy Creams from Dev's and she'll be in! She still thinks its the eighties, bless her, when she could lure successful men with a swish of her hair and a glint from her glasses.

But, as Doctor Matt arrives Trevor leaves, it's like life innit; one in, one out. I'll miss Trev and his 'empty yer bin' eyes and I can only hope Ciaran doesn't leave too or there will be a serious shortage of decent trousers in the street.

I noticed that Peter ordered a taxi to Carla's last night but didn't order one to take him home, now I'm not one to gossip but the only thing those two have got in common is booze. Carla's been walking round like the living dead for the past few weeks and after I saw her leaving Dev's with a plastic bag full of bottles I wouldn't be surprised if she's been having liquid lunches, if you know what I mean.

Finally, special mention has to go to our own Gary Windass, he has matured into a very capable young man. I never thought I'd see the day when Eddie produced something decent that isn't mixed in a bowl and baked in an oven, it's no wonder he's proud... but that boil red turtle-neck has got to go!

I'm off now loveys, I've got Kirk coming round for a chat about 'women's trouble' and as you all know, there's nobody had more trouble than me in that department! If you want tweeter me on the into-net web then feel free.

Ooh, I just clicked a button and all Norris and Rita's banking details have flashed up on the screen, now where's me pen, I'm going into-net shopping!