Coronation Street Weekly Update, August 10 2009

Here we go again with another weekly update. The update this week is on standby for its turn on the fourth plinth in Trafalgar Square, waiting for someone to fall ill or fall off and then it will shine in its hour of fame. It’s got its repertoire of Shirley Bassey hits rehearsed to perfection and a silver glitter frock with a white feather boa waiting in the wings. If only that phone would ring… but until it does and without any further ado, here we go with this week’s Coronation Street update.

Gail clucks round Joe when he goes cold turkey. He’s in pain and drunk, depressed and out of pills when he breaks into the medical centre with a pick-axe and lump hammer while Morrissey sings on the radio: “Please, please, please, let me get what I want.” Joe gets more than he wants, he gets arrested by the cops who take him away and then bring him back to Gail. David tries to tempt Joe to get back on the pills but Joe’s being strong, in between bursts of tears and cups of tea on Gail’s settee. Tina figures out that Graeme and David were supplying her dad with the pills and waits to get David on his own to threaten him with something nasty if she ever takes her revenge, and she just might. Gail moans to Audrey that Joe’s recovery depends on her being strong and they have a moan about men. “Why don’t you get yourself a nice man, a normal man?” asks Audrey to Gail. “You mean someone like Alf…” replies Gail with disdain, which I thought really sad ‘cos wasn’t Alfeh a gent among men?

Over at the factory, Rosie threatens to withdraw her cash after Luke cools off her and warms towards Michelle who’s now back in town. In the war of the cleavage Luke Strong is too weak to fight Rosie off. “She’s less interesting company than a dead crustacean,” he tells Michelle about Rosie but Rosie’s dead-crab eyes home in on Luke and when she threatens to take her spends out of ladies pants, Luke pretends he’ll support Rosie’s designer lingerie line. Perhaps he’s got a thing about thongs?

At the auction rooms, Eileen nips to the loo to spend a penny which costs her almost five thousand pounds. She tells Jason not to go over his budget but there’s a posh blonde bit behind him who’s also after Number 12 so Jason has to raise his bid and the hammer comes down on the flat for £54,750. Sold to the man with the irate mother.

Maria returns from Ireland this week, full of blarney and pictures of horses in fields. Tony greets her and the baby with a bouquet and hug and then, oh, I couldn’t look, I really couldn’t, they kiss, right in front of LiaMaria’s wedding picture too.

At the Windass house, Chesney’s being treated like a prince as he’s still not speaking to Fiz over Stape. Anna cooks for him and lets him watch the telly while Eddie seeks his expert opinion on cake. What more can a boy need? Eddie’s gearing up to make Steve and Becky’s wedding cake and draws up the doings on some paper in the caff. Roy takes a look and determines the historical details aren’t all they’re cracked up to be, something about columns, cherubs and Greek temples, all forming part of many things of which Roy is an expert of course.

Speaking of experts, Graeme’s Blackpool Tower made out of sausage wins this week’s work of art award, closely followed by his knowledge of black and white movies. “Norma Shearer!” he cries to Blanche’s surprise when she quizzes him on her top 10 old movies with strong female leads. It’s not often Blanche’s left stuck for words but she does the decent thing and buys the lad a pint.

And as Becky and Steve discussed wedding plans in the Rovers this week, the song playing on the juke box was appropriate enough: “It Must be Love” by Madness, for madness is surely what their big day will bring. (Q: What’s the first sign of Madness? A: Suggs walking down your garden path).

And that’s just about that for this week.

Find out more about these Coronation Street Weekly Updates.

Coronation Street writers this week were John Kerr, Simon Crowther, Chris Fewtrell, Mark Burt and Damon Rochefort.

Glenda
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