It's the end of the world as we know it. The big financial news this week was the value of shares in Gordon's Gin plummeting. Why? Audrey Roberts has given up drinking.
I know. It's sent shockwaves through the hospitality industry, as spirits companies have issued profit warnings, and pubs already hard hit by COVID have slapped on the For Sale signs. Instead of a G&T she drank a cuppa poured out of the biggest tea pot in history and the whole world felt as if it had turned on its axis.
This was part of the ongoing story of Audrey's
ennui, as she felt useless and abandoned by her family and society in general. I blame her depression on the salon remaining boarded up and abandoned, personally. Nobody else seems to be bothered that
Audrey's is gone, but I miss it, and I bet our Aud does too. I'm sure she wouldn't feel so hopeless if she was back giving pensioners a shampoo and set. She took time out to smash into Rita's car, with Gail berating her for not keeping it in the garage. Who knew Rita even had a garage? They were all concerned that Audrey is too elderly to drive, but nobody seems to be taking car keys off Rita, who's probably running over three schoolchildren a day because she can't see out from under her fringe.
Of course, Audrey managed to get her car keys back by getting Max to rob them. It seems it's ok if he's evil so long as he's being evil for her. I was at least pleased that once David found out Max had, in fact, robbed Daniel's wallet, he sat him down and yelled at him. Perhaps if someone had done that to Hope a few years ago Alina wouldn't have had to flee to Romania. David's disciplinary actions were fatally undercut by him completely failing to tell Daniel about it and Max spent the rest of the week being unbearably smug. I wonder what David's going to do with the wallet now. Men keep more than their cards in a wallet - there's probably photos, tickets, a tired condom that's been in there since 2014. Daniel might like them back.
The legal eagles need help. Adam spent much of the week berating Imran for not pulling his weight in the office. They needed to drum up new business, find new clients. What they really need is an assistant so they can concentrate on important lawyering and don't have to spend their afternoons typing their own letters. Nobody is answering the phones in there, and I'm pretty sure all that stationery was left behind by Rosie Webster. Leanne's got a bistro now, fellas, she's not coming back. Take on a school leaver to do your invoices and manage the office. Then maybe Imran won't need to clean the kitchen himself. Although I will admit Adam asking Imran to give a good bottoming caused my mind to wander.
David Bailey has nothing to worry about. Nina needed a model for her fashion portfolio and naturally she picked Asha. It was totally because she thought she'd be great at the job, and not because she wanted to see her in her pants. I bet she had one dress for Asha to try on and all the rest was Underworld lingerie. The glamour of her modelling debut was sadly undercut by Nina taking all the pictures in the cafe; it's hard to serve Naomi Campbell realness when you're against a backdrop of tomato ketchup and unwashed net curtains. At least chuck up a sheet, Nina, something to hide Kirk sat in the corner scoffing a bacon barm.
Aadi meanwhile advised Asha to move on with her life and stop pining after Nina and find somebody else to go out with. No, don't go out with anyone Asha. You were way too needy and immature with Nina, and you were a doormat with Corey. Take some time to find yourself first.
Ignore twelve good men and true. Kelly was sentenced to life imprisonment this week and the Street was completely outraged. It was only compounded when we learned that Corey had been promoted to the first team of Wethy County and was going to play "in the cup against Shrewsbury". Lifelong County fans Kev and Tim were disgusted at this promotion for someone who's a murderer. Thing is - why are they all so convinced Corey definitely did it? I mean, we, the audience, know that he did it - we saw it. But as far as the residents of Weatherfield are concerned, there were two stories about what happened to Seb, there were two people accused, there was a trial with a jury, and Corey was found not guilty and Kelly was found guilty. Everyone seems to be convinced there's been a miscarriage of justice but nobody's saying "hey, what if she did do it after all?" This is where I miss Norris and Blanche. They'd be a valuable voice of dissent. They might not have been popular but they weren't afraid to say what they were thinking.
The Baileys must be isolated. A few weeks ago, I happily noted that Aggie working with Sally against the parking problem meant she'd finally get a friend on the Street. Someone at ITV must have read that and realised they needed to rectify it immediately, as in Friday's episode Aggie tried to back out of the campaign. The Baileys absolutely must not be allowed to talk to people they're not related to. I'm not sure why, but it seems to be rigidly enforced. Hopefully Sally will persist with her efforts to befriend Aggie and they can go to the bistro together and get giggly on Prosecco.
James, meanwhile, fretted about his parents' finances, because Ed seemed to have a cash flow problem. At no point did he worry that his dad's gambling addiction - the very problem that caused them to downgrade to Coronation Street in the first place - was back, and instead he happily swallowed the story of Grace's blackmail. He transferred £15,000 into their account as a no questions asked gift. Part of me really wanted Ed to go "ker-ching! I'm off down the bookies!" when he heard the news, but instead he was just grateful. Quick question James: if you've got £15,000 to chuck around, why don't you move out of a back bedroom in a poky terrace and go live somewhere nice where you can have sex with your boyfriend without worrying your mum and dad can hear you asking him to pass the lube?
The most interesting Corrie storyline for me this week was Beth and Daniel turning up in the audience of Strictly to support Sinead. Bless them! The author is Team Adam Peaty, or more particularly, Team Adam Peaty's Backside, and if you have any pictures of it, please send them to me on Twitter @merseytart.
4 comments:
Talk of taking fashion photos in Roy’s Rolls prompts me to ask how the whole place hasn’t been shut down by the hygiene authorities. Have you looked at the place recently. The walls are absolutely covered in grime and as for the mock fireplace. Roy should be ashamed of himself
I agree - it really needs a complete make- over. Who would pay for instant coffee in a crappy mug these days?
Great post, Scott.
I'm also puzzled why footballer James is living at home, especially when he has a boyfriend to entertain. What happened to his flashy car?
Sally would make a good office organiser for the solicitor's.
Surely they could engage a cleaner? Who cleans Underworld, the rovers, the doctors, the community centre and the Bistro?
Nina was offered a place at college very quickly, wasn't she?
I'm not sure if the Corrie team are being ageist or whether they are making a point about people needing get their eyes tested!
Honestly, they'd whip up an issue over a used teabag!
Not to mention nina who works there, always wears the same clothes, thar dress must be rank
I'd love there to be one cleaner who did all the offices and shops on the street. Not a stereotypical Hilda Ogden character - someone younger but equally nosey - who could stir up trouble between the traders. Elaine might find herself strapped for cash and be prepared to roll her sleeves up. She's not written as nosey but she could lean that way for the sake of comedy.
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