Cosy crimes and gritty sagas by Corrie Blog editor Glenda, published by Headline. Click pic below!

Saturday, 6 February 2021

Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

Take it slow.  Hey Corrie?  Hey?  Shhhh.  Just listen to me for a moment.  Look, I know you've just had a big milestone birthday and you're worrying you're starting to look your age.  You're looking around at EastEnders' pile of Baftas and Hollyoaks' sexy young cast and Emmerdale's... existence, and you're thinking, are we past it?  Are we yesterday's news?  Should we be pensioned off?  So you've panicked and shouted "COUNTY LINES!" and hurriedly rammed a topical storyline in the show without much elegance or grace.  I get it.  You want to be down with the kids.  But maybe don't rush into these things?  Jacob was introduced as a character on Monday and by Friday Simon owed him a bike and a thousand pounds and had a rucksack full of cocaine.  Give us a bit of time to get to know the character and the situation.  Don't just run at it.  Nobody will judge you if you drag these things out a bit more.  No-one will think you're slow and boring.  Be comfortable with who you are.  Besides which, at the pace you're going through storylines, this'll be finished by the end of next week and you'll have to have another break in production to come up with stuff fill all the gaps in the schedule.  Is that alright?  I think you're great, and you don't have to go at turbo speed to make me like you.

Don't call my name, don't call my name, Alahan-o.  Is there an Inside Soap Award for Best Prop?  Because I feel like Aadi's iPad has made more appearances than Kevin Webster the last few weeks; it'll be demanding its own dressing room full of kittens and a bowl of blue M&Ms if it gets much more exposure.  This was of course part of Aadi's transformation from silent shadow watching Asha get into her latest crisis to tiny business mogul.  He even quoted Donald Trump at his dad this week, though thankfully it was some financial nonsense and not the stuff about injecting bleach or grabbing a woman by the unmentionables.  He soon met his match in the form of Evelyn, who revealed that it would be a great job if it wasn't for all the customers, a statement that made everyone who's ever worked in retail nod sympathetically.  We didn't get the results of Evelyn's evaluation, but I'm pretty sure if it's anything less than a thumbs up Aadi will be found dangling from the lamppost wearing only his underwear.

Show me the funny.  Friday's episode, being a Jonathan Harvey script, was an absolute delight, filled with jokes and sparky dialogue that made the hour fly by.  From Audrey's outrage at Gail's implication she was common to Rita saying the Rovers was hot because her gin kept evaporating to Tracy saying her coworker was wearing more slap than Baga Chipz, there was plenty to keep you chortling.  (Although perhaps the funniest gag was Nicky complaining that Audrey and Gail were treating the factory like a drop-in centre - have you not been paying attention for the last six months?  More people nip in for a coffee there than the Costa.)  The highlight, as usual, was pretty much everything Mary said, like her tale of loitering in cemeteries in search of celebrities and only finding Jan Leeming (twice), her decision to call Debbie Webster "Debster" to save time, and her Muff adventures.

Harvey also knows his Corrie history, which is why Friday's show was littered with references to the past.  I was delighted by mentions of Phyllis Pearce and Percy Sugden, Gail blaming Nicky's personality on Brian, Tracy remembering she once slept with a woman and bringing up David pushing his mum down the stairs, and Rita chatting about her poor husband who died of a brain tumour.  Amusingly, Rita never actually said her husband's first name, with Jenny identifying him as "Mr Sullivan", so we didn't get him mixed up with the other name from the past to get a mention: Gail's now dead dad Ted.  (There's a very easy way to tell them apart - Ted Sullivan was Boring Ted, while Gail's dad was Gay Ted).  Gail's vanished off to London to help with the funeral, and hopefully she stays there, gallivanting around Compton Street and being the darling of the Soho queens, because maybe that'll teach her awful children how valuable she is and why they should treat her better.  David was absolutely vile to his mum this week because she wouldn't babysit for him.  Just send them to whatever limbo Harry is currently in, Dave, they'll never be a problem again.

Let he who is without sin... Billy was already on the naughty list this week for the appalling way he treated Paul.  The reason Paul was so involved with Will was because he cared too much; he wanted to protect and help a boy he believed was suffering, which I thought was a pretty Christian thing for him to do.  Billy went for maximum sanctimony though and cast Paul from his home.  I was pretty angry with Billy, and then I saw how he arranges his DVD collection and I was livid.  He has DVDs in his tower that aren't spine out.  Not the odd one, either, but loads of them.  It's disgusting and shouldn't be allowed.  Never mind being an Archdeacon, he's not qualified to stack the shelves in a Sue Ryder shop.  Perhaps this is his way of concealing his homosexual tendencies from the prying eyes of the Bishop by hiding the titles, so that he can't see Billy's entire DVD collection consists of The Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Brokeback Mountain and Leather Daddy Bondage 4: Bring Me The Cane.

Go gay for pay.  We all know about the obvious product placement in Coronation Street - the coffee shop, the supermarket, the Scotch Egg Marketing Board - but there are other, smaller organisations funding bits of the show.  For example, the National Stone Cladding Federation pays the programme a weekly stipend to ensure number 9 never loses its distinctive blue bricks.  Elsewhere TfGM supplies a bus stop to the set designers free of charge on the condition that it is kept in tip-top condition; this is why, unlike virtually every other bus shelter in Greater Manchester, the one on Rosamund Street is never smashed up, covered in drunken vomit, or decorated with crudely Sharpie'd genitalia.  Finally, an organisation of powerful British lesbians, lead by Sue Perkins and Sandi Toksvig, crowdfund representation on Corrie and demand that at all times there is a lady who likes ladies on television.

For many years, this was Sophie Webster, but Brooke Vincent's gone and got pregnant for a second time, so there's no chance of her coming back any time soon.  The producers filled the vacancy with bisexual Paula, but then she ran off to Casualty, so they looked around the cast and went... "erm, Asha?"  Personally I'm not keen on Asha suddenly embracing her Sapphic side for two reasons.  First, she's literally just got out of a very negative relationship with a controlling boy who treated her like dirt.  She shouldn't be going out with anyone right now; she should be taking some time to be comfortable in herself.  We already know she has self-esteem issues and hitching herself onto another person won't give her time to look at who she is.

Second, I really liked Asha and Nina as friends.  Nina was uncompromisingly supportive and positive to Asha, treating her with respect and bolstering her ego.  Similarly, Asha seemed to enjoy Nina's confidence and self-assuredness.  They were a great little team with no hint of sexual attraction whatsoever.  Now all those months of Nina drawing pictures of Asha and presenting her with little gifts come off as a bit... creepy.  Now it looks like Nina's spent all that time supporting Asha, not because she wanted to be a good, kind person, but because she wanted to get into her pants.  Can't people just be friends?  Can't two people enjoy one another's company without it getting all sexy?  This storyline feels like it's been invented by whoever runs the Coronation Street Twitter account; they've noticed the fall in engagement now they can't stick "#Kana" in every other tweet so they need a replacement (#Nasha?  #Ashina?).  The other downside of this storyline is, based on the way this show has treated other girls who like girls, there's now a much increased chance that one of these two characters is going to die horribly.

This week, professional alcoholic Peter Barlow reminisced about the first time he was told one more drink will kill him... in 2014.  If you've got an explanation for how he's still around seven years later despite falling off the wagon multiple times, please send it to me via Twitter @merseytart.

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dhvinyl said...


CK said...

Aadi's iPad has taken the place of Sophie's clipboard from when she worked in the garage.

Sharon boothroyd said...

I agree. The Nina and Asha romance - like the Simon and Jacob drugs plot - feels kind of forced. I agree that in some ways Nina could be accused of grooming. Asha is only 16!
I think the signs are there that Johnny is going to be killed off.
They gave him MS for a reason. Richard Hawley admits that he's finding him difficult to play, so maybe he wants out. I will miss Johnny.
Just before Geoff was killed off, the actor who played him finally admitted he hadn't enjoyed the role. I thought actors loved to play baddies!
Yes, as another blogger has pointed, Gail will probably sail in with Ted's money to buy back the Platt house, when she's revealed as the mystery buyer at auction!


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