Gritty sagas by Corrie blog editor Glenda Young, published by Headline. Click pic below!

Sunday, 17 May 2020

Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

Gail's family are all awful.  Poor Gail.  There she was, dressed like a Romanian peasant, making her own sandwiches for her own birthday tea, and not one of her ungrateful brats turned up to help her.  She's worked her fingers to the bone over the decades to provide for those kids, and, the odd marriage to a serial killer aside, she's given them a safe and secure home for them to grow up into absolute nightmares.  Sarah-Lou is incredibly self-involved, Nicky's less interesting than an afternoon in Bridlington during lockdown, and David is one degree away from pledging his allegiance to Satan at all times.  Gail's parents weren't much better; Audrey used it as an opportunity to get sloshed (like she needs one), and her dad, Gay Ted, sent a card from whatever vortex he was trapped in years ago that meant he vanished from the Street without so much as a goodbye and never came back.  Ok, once she had three and a half litres of vinho verde in her, Aud finally confessed that she was actually glad she'd had Gail, and David presented her with a card from Hallmark's Bitterly Ironic range, but by then it was too little, too late.  If I was Gail I'd have chucked it back in their face, fished a load of twenties out of Audrey's purse and headed into town to have a grand old time without them.  The old Gail would've done it, the bolshie forward thinking one.  Maybe they should get Suzie Birchall back for a guest appearance, where she sees what a drip Gail is now and helps her rediscover her raucous youth of tandems and boutique shopping?

Being on telly isn't all glamour.  David couldn't turn up for the party, of course, because he was busy riling up the residents of a local sink estate.  I feel sorry for the people who lived in those houses in real life.  They must've been so excited to have Corrie coming to film, only to have the art directors boarding up houses and positioning supporting artists to look as dodgy as possible.  They even named the district after infamous showbiz gorgon Hylda Baker.  That can't be good for the house prices.  Still, David wasn't there long, soon legging it out of the cul-de-sacs pursued by some of those incredibly polite drug dealers who only seem to operate in Weatherfield.

This all seems to be because David is on another of his self-destructive streaks; I suppose we should be grateful he's decided to do it in another part of town for once, because the Salon can only have its window smashed so many times before the insurance company starts to get suspicious.  Isn't Shona due back sometime soon?  The sooner she returns and gets him under control the better.  We've seen David turn EEEEEEVIL so many times now it's lost its appeal.

You may have been affected by issues raised in tonight's programme.  The Baileys are back, and you know what that means?  ISSUES-BASED DRAMA.  The residents of number 3 aren't allowed to be in the show unless they are dealing with some kind of gut-wrenching social problem; they're like if a video of public information films somehow became a family.  This week's Very Important Issue was racism, as the new manager of the Bistro called Ed "Lenny Henry" and referred to him and Michael as "you people".  As with David's drug dealers, the 7:30 time slot means we can't get anything really unpleasant being said, so presumably the straw that breaks the camel's back next week is going to be him calling them "wallies" or something. 

Meanwhile James is also in this show.  I know!  I'd forgotten about him too.  In fact I saw his name in a preview and wondered who the hell this "James" person was.  He was back because he's here to teach us all about the Very Important Issue of homophobia, as a random man appeared in the Street and verbally abused him.  As with Don the Bistro manager, there's something a bit lacking when the antagonist is some random bloke we've never seen before and can't care about.  The homophobia storyline was far more interesting when it was Edison vs James, but that seems to have vanished, with even his boyfriend at the Bistro simply wandering off without a goodbye snog or even a note.  Gays, eh?  Such flibbertigibbets.

Assert your authority.  The command structure at the kebab shop remains as opaque as ever.  Chesney used to be manager, until he faked that robbery (remember that?) and was demoted.  Except he seems to be in charge again, apart from the fact that Bernie has taken his job, and also works under Cathy?  And also Asha and Tall Matt are in there somewhere.  In any case, Cathy demanded danger money for dealing with Bernie on a daily basis, then promptly took Dev's trust and threw it away by getting hammered on cheap cider while still on duty.  I sort of feel like getting absolutely blotto on cider in a workplace that has lots of sharp knives and hot surfaces and boiling fat is a disaster waiting to happen, but I'm a boring old stick in the mud like that. 

Also, according to Cathy's training session, this slice is half an inch thick.  I feel like she's been using a special ruler Brian gave her that very much over-exaggerates the assets it's measuring.

The mirror has two faces.  We got another insight into the glory that is Evelyn this week, as she handed over an out of date cereal bar to Tim to help keep Geoff's pecker up, then immediately slagged him off as a nasty bit of goods to Audrey.  Apparently there's something wrong with grown men who do magic, and looking at David Copperfield, she may have a point.  That's a level of hypocrisy you can't help but admire; it doesn't hurt that she was of course absolutely right about Geoff being awful either.  Later, she went off to a tea dance with her paramour.  It's kind of depressing that the pensioners in Corrie have a better social life than me.

Incidentally it was first thing in the morning and Audrey was buying another bottle of that Portuguese wine.  I know I'm usually supportive of Aud being a marvellous old broad and getting three sheets to the wind on a daily basis, but I am starting to worry about her.  She was in the pub with Rita at lunchtime having a G&T too, not to mention that she actually confessed to her grandson that she always wanted to be able to get her legs behind her head, which doesn't seem like the kind of thing you'd admit to in public unless you were a bit tipsy.  Maybe Peter should nip round to Grasmere Drive with one of his helpful pamphlets.

I know the big story this week was Oliver's seizures, but if the show can't be bothered making me care about this little boy over the course of three years I don't see why I should start now.  Complaints to the usual Twitter address @merseytart.  

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Sharon Boothroyd said...

Great post, I agree about The Baileys I'd like to see a normal story line for them such as a 3 way love triangle, a doubt about paternity or the usual secrets in the past.
I chuckled at the scriptwriter's rhyme in David's birthday card for Gail!
Incidentally, what does Gail do all day? I'd love to see the return of Ted.

Kosmo said...

At least you can avoid commenting; when on review duty I am forced to cover both the Geoff and Oliver's story. Having lost a daughter to an incurable genetic failing I am really not looking forward to it.

Anonymous said...

I’ve had my fill of Very Important issues. I want more ordinary mundane happenings that have some humour or even sadness without the melodrama.

Louby said...

I don't know if it's because of the current situation, or because the other storylines are so depressing, but I really enjoyed Cathy and Bernie's scenes. It's probably that I would love to get tipsy on cider and scive work!

Totally agree about the Baileys, and Oliver. He was a by product of a sensationalist storyline when Steve got two women pregnant at the same time and the child has hardly been mentioned, let alone seen since, till now they want another "issue" to tackle.

Great to hear Ted mentioned, it would be great to see him again.

maggie muggins said...

I'm sorry to hear about your loss, Kosmo. (hug)

dhvinyl said...

Maybe, just maybe when the Street catches up with the virus, Johnathan and his writing colleagues will realise we’re done with issues, thank you very much, and try to make us happy in our locked down worlds.

Anonymous said...

Kosmo, I am deeply sorry for your loss. Also sending you a hug


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