Issue is or issue ain't my baby? In some ways, I feel sorry for ITV. I long ago lost track of when these episodes should have been broadcast - roughly a month ago I'm guessing - but they undoubtedly lost momentum by having what should have been tight two-parters spread across an entire week. Plus right now we're all fractious and miserable and locked in our homes with nothing but the telly to keep us going, so we're craving entertainment, not serious plotlines. On the other hand, I had to put up with one of the preachiest, most miserable weeks of Corrie I have ever experienced, and I don't think you can entirely blame my dislike on Covid-19.
The problem with this week was it was all issues, all the time. It was like being trapped in a room with a social worker and a very long and laborious Powerpoint presentation. There's nothing wrong with tackling important social troubles; soap operas can do it very well. The way they usually do it, however, is to introduce the issue via familiar characters so that we can empathise. They provide a human face to what would otherwise be an abstract concept. For example, the issue of trans people being legally prevented from marriage was something that touched the lives of hardly anyone in the UK, but when beloved Corrie couple Roy and Hayley were unable to marry back in 1999 it suddenly became real to ten million people. The issue rose up within the characters' lives rather than being dropped on top of them.
This week didn't do that. For scene after scene our regulars were confronted by outside characters who caused them to go away and think. The doctor at the hospital telling Steve and Leanne all about Oliver's illness. The women in Gemma's support group talking about post-natal depression. The new bar manager. It was hard to really take his racist insults seriously for a couple of reasons. First of all, ranting about "snowflakes" and "triggering" is why ITV pays Piers Morgan lots of money to present their breakfast TV show so it's a bit galling to see the channel suddenly decide it's a bad thing.
Secondly, we know he's not going to be here for long. He's not got a surname, he doesn't live in the street, he was parachuted in to be Bad Racist Man, so we can't really be bothered caring. Back in the Eighties, Corrie did a storyline where Alf gave his shop flat to Curly instead of Shirley, even though she asked for it first, and the Street accused him of doing it for racist reasons. That was a storyline where the characters debated and discussed, took sides, expressed shock and dismay. This, on the other hand, is Bad Racist Man has turned up, and nobody will like him because he is Bad Racist Man, and he'll vanish soon enough. He's not part of the show so who cares?
I'd have much rather seen a storyline based around the tiny examples Michael gave - people crossing the road to avoid him, or security guards following him round the shop. The low-level, everyday pain of being a minority, the sheer irritating, tiring truth of it. Imagine if Michael was standing outside the tram stop and got approached by kids wanting to buy drugs just because he's black. Or James walking out of Wethy County, where he's an actual celebrity, and still being stopped by prejudiced police because they're "suspicious". Or Aggie in the hospital tending to a patient who really doesn't want to be helped by someone who looks like her. It would feel so much more involving than Ed's huge, grandstanding speech in the middle of the Bistro, followed by every other minority member of the cast stepping forward to give a little monologue about prejudice. It would have felt a bit more real. And Ed realising hey, if racism is bad, then maybe homophobia is bad as well! was all too pat and convenient.
Also, just as an observation... if you're going to do this sort of thing again, Corrie, why not consider handing the writing duties to a person of colour? Someone who's experienced this kind of thing in reality, rather than as an abstract? Just a thought.
Oh, that was all a bit sensible and boring and miserable, wasn't it? I have to work with the material I'm given folks. Let's make the last four a bit cheerier.
Simon is easily bought. With Oliver in the hospital, his half-siblings rallied round in support. Emma and Amy went out and bought him a cuddly toy, which is especially nice of Emma, given that I'm not entirely sure she's ever been in the same room as Oliver. Simon, meanwhile, purchased enough sweets to induce diabetes, plonking down a sack on the cafe table that would cause even an Oompa-Loompa to gulp in horror. He then laid down a dare: if the girls paid him a pound, he claimed he could fit ten lollies in his mouth at once. Be very careful with that sort of bet, Simon. I made a similar claim once in a Berlin nightclub and I had to go to casualty straight afterwards because I'd dislocated my jaw.
Make it a night to remember. Of course Evelyn took a tupperware to the dance; I wouldn't expect anything less of her. Frankly I'm surprised she let everyone tuck in when she got back - I thought she'd have stuck them in the fridge to be rationed out, treating herself to one coconut pyramid a day until they start turning green. But this is all a side issue to a question that was left unanswered by the show: did Arthur stay the night or didn't he?
In Monday's episode the two of them were cuddling up, and then next morning he was there tucking into tea and toast. Evelyn said he'd come by early, but I have my suspicions. It wouldn't surprise me if the saucy mare had snuck him into the front parlour for shenanigans and then played innocent when Tyrone smirked at her the next day. She may appear to be prim on the outside, but underneath there's a right goer.
Like and subscribe. Gemma went all modern this week, transforming herself into a vlogger before you could say "hi guys!". She had decided to get her story out on the web, talking frankly about her post-natal depression, and if that works for her well done. Personally I can't bear to watch vloggers - pasty youths banging on about themselves for eight minutes while their dead eyes bore into your very soul - but this is because I am ancient and I only go on YouTube to watch old adverts and drag queens lip syncing. I'm sure young people will appreciate it and she'll be an influencer within months, unboxing packets of Pampers and powdered milk and giving her viewers a cutesy name while they hammer the thumbs up logo and insult one another in the comments. Each of those quads will have its own Twitter account by the end of the year. Gemma might want to lay off the Freshco criticisms though, as I'm sure their legal team won't be too keen to have a former employee lambasting them all over the internet. She'll have to learn to be a much more adept corporate shill if she wants to get an invite to VidCon.
Gemma might also want to invest in some decent equipment. I understand money is tight so she probably can't splash out on a green screen and a ring light but still, a tripod at the very least would be helpful. Cathy's arm must've been killing her by the time Gemma got to the end of her monologue.
The Bistro is open for business again. Ray returned to the show to launch the new-look Bistro, so I got to do one of my favourite things, which is inspect the new set for all the changes. It looks like they've got rid of the enclosed booths on the far wall, which means they were probably a nightmare to film in, and they've thankfully also got rid of all those awful chalkboard puns that I absolutely guarantee were Michelle's idea. It's a bit bland if I'm honest, and looks more like a bar than a restaurant. Jenny will be furious if she gets back from France and discovers that they've abandoned the gentleman's agreement not to muscle in on the Rovers' territory and are going full boozer. They've not changed the name, either, which is a shame, because it might've finally prompted the producers to reshoot the opening credits and get rid of the orange Bistro sign you can see there and which hasn't been accurate for about a decade. Maybe it's going to get blown up again for the 60th anniversary so they're not bothering.
If you were affected by the issues raised in this week's episodes please don't contact me on Twitter @merseytart to tell me because I really can't be bothered.
All original work on Coronation Street Blog is covered by a Creative Commons License
