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Saturday 24 August 2013

There Ain't No Party Like A Webster Party

It's Saturday night but all I can think about is Bank Holiday Monday.  There's a simple reason for this: I want to go to Sally Webster's garden party.  I really want it.  It is my life's ambition.  In fact, I am so obsessed with it, Monday's episodes can't help but disappoint me.  I haven't been this excited about a Corrie storyline since I heard Molly Dobbs was going to be hit in the face by a tram.

What's so great about it?  Let's start with Sally Webster herself, a woman who was never knowingly undersnobbed.  Sally makes Annie Walker look like a topless dancer.  Ashley and Claire lived in her house for years, but the only time their conservatory saw any action was when Ashley diddled that woman from Emmerdale in full view of the neighbours.  Sally, on the other hand, uses the word conservatory as a weapon.  It's a club to beat her fellow residents with.  Does anyone else in the Street have a conservatory?  No, they do not.  If Gail Platt wants to sit in the warmth she actually has to go outside.  Only Sally has a glasshouse welded to her kitchen, and she will never let you forget it.

We should hate Sally for it but she's so clueless, so utterly vile in her dedication to her social mobility, all we can do is revel in her magnificence.  She is the Margo Leadbetter of Coronation Street, and that is a glory to be treasured.


It's also important to remember the reason why Sally is having a garden party: purely to rub her neighbour's faces in it.  There is no other motivation behind it: it's a social event fueled by spite and anger.  These are the best social occasions, of course.  Have you been to a wedding?  Remember how utterly tedious it was?  Remember how the best parties are the ones where Callie and Ross screamed at one another all night, then broke up, and you spent the rest of the evening telling her why Ross was a waste of space and you'd always hated him anyway?  How much more fun was that?  If everyone's happy that's intolerably tedious.  We want misery, jealousy and spitefulness to keep us merry.

And let's not forget Sally's preparations.  Something by Nigella.  Fish instead of beefburgers.  Hummus for the vegetarians.  She's aiming high, is Sally, and I want to be knocking back Chardonnay with her while bitching about Stella's hairdo.  Then we can sing Total Eclipse of the Heart together and life will be perfect.


 
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12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sally is way better without Kevin..by a mile. And, what a horn-dog she's turning into! If she can show up that horrible Anna Windass for the hag from hell she is I'm pleased.

Anonymous said...

Interesting how several of the women on the Street are much better off without their male counterparts? Unfortunately for Sally, she's done the "getting drunk and silly, falling over the garden fence" routine a few too many times. I'd really rather see her try to run a business, using her creativity rather than her snobbery. I could get behind her goals a whole lot more in that type of role.

Peter @peterprandradio on Twitter said...

Looking forward to Sally putting the wind up Windass! Tim is a bit dull, but if he opens a can in Anna's face, like Lewis Collins once did on an extra for a joke in The Professionals, but the gag was left in, he can stay,

Tvor said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tvor said...

THIS!!! Scott you've made me laugh so hard I feared for my stitches! I love Sally for exactly all these and more.

maggie muggins said...

Something by Nigella.

Yes! That line in itself left many gruesome images in my mind of this upcoming Garden Pah-tee.I can see Sally sneaking into her dark kitchen at night to slurp up some cold barbecued fish slathered in hummus, dressed in a track suit and gold high heels.

Best blog post ever in the anticipation-of-an-upcoming-storyline category ever, Scott!

Glenda Young said...

I'm also looking forward to Monday night's episodes a lot becuase of the garden party, can't wait. Greatpost, Scott.

Anonymous said...

A brilliant post. I especially liked the line "We should hate Sally for it but she's so clueless, so utterly vile in her dedication to her social mobility, all we can do is revel in her magnificence. She is the Margo Leadbetter of Coronation Street, and that is a glory to be treasured."

Rachel said...

I was thinking the other day how Sally is part of the furniture, someone who'll be there forever like Rita or Gail, and then she'll just knock a scene out of the park with an intonation or a look. She's great.

Plutonian said...

Aye, loving our Sal's work at the moment. Mainly because I despise Anna and Owen for the way they've treated Faye and Tim and can't wait for the inevitable garden party disaster.

TEAM SALLY!!

Frosty the Snowman said...

Well I hope the weather improves for Mrs Bucket, sorry Webster's 'Garden Party' as its a wash out here. Not quite sure how many guests will be able to get into the tiny back garden but no doubt there will be a few mishaps along the way! Sour pusses Jenna and Sophie will no doubt be putting a dampner on things as per.

Anonymous said...

Are Sally and Anna the new Gail and Eileen?
Whatever happened to those two..shadows of their former selves.

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