Carla and Peter - a classic Corrie couple?

Let's join hands and weep for Leanne Barlow. The same Leanne that went from being a teenage slapper to coke-snorting barmaid to tart. Now she is a sinned-aginst houewife in an M & S mac. Weep for her.

Or should we? From the embers of a not-so-hot marriage, Peter rises like a phoenix. Admittedly a gaudily tatooed phoenix but hey, you can't have everything. What he does have though is the lovely Carla, once mistaken in the Rovers for a post-op transexual. Raven-haired, red wine stained, you can imagine her wallowing in a vat full of Boddingtons. She's a bit hard-faced, not in the least bit girly and an alcoholic. Who better to share this burden then than Peter Barlow, knocking on fifty, former owner of a Scottish accent which disappeared only to be replaced by the northern brogue we've come to know and love. Peter Barlow - alcoholic, bigamist, chain-smoker, wimp.

The Barlow-Connor relationship is a disaster in the making. This worrying twosome will prop each other up through the wreck that is bound to be their life together. Scary Simon will have to contend with this most un-motherly of mother figures while Dad reels around with a vodka bottle. Let's be honest, this really is not what dreams are made of.

What of Leanne? Well, let's go for the most obvious possible storyline. I'll bet you a ha'penny to a hotpot that she will discover that she's pregnant fairly soon. This, of course, will throw Peter into even more doubt and will call for 'a decision to be made'. Will he opt for the Les Dawson-voiced strumpet at the knicker factory or harridan-in-the-making Leanne?

A nation shuffles closer to its TV screens.