It's the Monday after the night before and you're feeling flat, depressed, down and full of bitter regret for all the things you may have done the evening before. But enough about the football. Back on t'cobbles, after Daisy grabbed Ryan's thigh with her two metre long arm, she gets him into bed and he wakes up unable to remember what, or if anything, happened. He returns home to face Alya and pretends he was out with DJ Zortek a.k.a Nigel rather than wiggling his bottom in Daisy's dastardly boudoir. Alya finds out because of course she does and throws Ryan out, but he lands on his feet and ends up back in t'Rovers, although in Ronnie's old bed rather than Daisy's. I hope he doesn't have to wiggle for Jenny too.
I'm less bothered about Alya being cuckolded and more upset by A Guy Called Gerald being called old school, tbqhwy.
With a curtsey, Sean is back chez Grimshaw and in the factory. That is until Eileen inevitably finds out about his and George's mutual appreciation society plan. She confronts George in the Rovers and he falls backwards, breaking his wrist.
Talking of evil plans, a customer, Andy, arrives at Shuttleworth's to pay for a funeral in cash, which Todd hides in an urn. He then convinces George that Andy the bin man only gave him £2K for a £7K funeral, which means - since we can do all do basic maths - that he has £5K for Will the teenage tearaway. I do wonder how much debt a 17 (?) year old can get into; has he been over-spending on in-app purchases? However, the urn is picked up by a customer who then refuses to give the money back. Always with a Plan B, Todd, with some urging from Will, then decides to nick Billy's money for repairs to the half way house. Every week brings a new low for Todd, doesn't it.
Beth is back with a new do and some suggestions for Fiz to get revenge on Tylina, which basically involves getting over one man by getting under another. Fiz signs up for Tinder 2as1 with a brutally honest profile and grumpy photo. Hey Fiz - Dirk is available! He's standing right there! She gets an immediate match and arranges a date, but it turns out to be a reporter wanting a story about scorned women. Fiz is outraged, but takes the reporter's card anyway.
To get Steve to his £100K total for the mitochondrial research fundraising, Curtis suggests a naked calendar. What is it, 2003? I'm quite into that idea, though it would need to have Imran as Mr July.
Rachel Stevenson - on twitter
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