No Sex, Violence or Robots: Mon Jun 14, 2010 Corrie Episode Review

Written by Damon Rochefort (7:30) Julie Jones (8:30) and directed by Duncan Foster

We’ve figured out the secret behind why Rita never came out during the explosion: sleeping pills. Mystery, solved folks. Is it just me, or has Gail come back from prison only to realize she can’t stand her neighbours? Sometimes, one needs to separate themselves from the subject in order to fully make a proper judgement. Gails’ back in her high-necks and is out for a job. Tina’s looking in the job pages, and Rita wants to know why since she’s still got her job at the Kabin apparently. Rita tells Tina to leave Norris to her. Rita clearly wants ScaryMary out of the Kabin! Tina bumps into Gail later in the street and both women wish either other luck with getting their jobs back, and reflect that it’s almost like they’re back to normal. Tina tries to apologize for some of the things she said to Gail, but Gail tells her it’s not necessary since she’s just glad their friends again.

At the Kabin, Mary is giving Tina the evils since she’s usurped her position at the Kabin. Norris arrives and finds that Rita has offered Tina her job back and thinks it’s a good thing. Mary tries to shove Tina out – quite literally – from her station in the Kabin. Wow, that Mary. Tina better watch out or she could find herself in a cottage with an injured leg.

Nick’s got Paul Stokes in Turner’s where he’s managing to setup at temporary work space to solidify the deal. Meanwhile, Ken goes by the bookies to see if Peter knows about Nick Tilsley creeping around Turner’s Joinery, but Deirdre says he’s said nothing. The poop’s about to hit the fan folks, because Peter returns upon hearing that Turner’s Joinery is in use and figures it’s George trying to squirm his way back into their lives and storms over there. The factory girls are all at Turner’s since they all got texts asking them to meet there. Nick thanks them for coming and tells them they’ve got an order and that they’re back in business. Just then, Peter walks in and wants to know what’s going on. A very intimidating scene and it doesn’t help that Peter’s dressed like Al Capone. Peter demands to know if Nick is working for George and the men take their business outside. Nick tells Peter that Leanne put him in touch with George and Peter’s shocked that Leanne’s sorted this. Peter says he doesn’t want George in his life, and Nick can’t understand since George isn’t exactly going to be sat behind a sewing machine.

The nouveau Underworld is back in business with the factory girls in full song: I Will Survive. Indeed, you will, for now at least. Peter thinks that Nick Tilsley has Leanne wrapped around his little finger. As Leanne picks up Simon from school and avoids Peter’s calls. They eventually arrive home and Peter has a word with Leanne. Of course Peter thinks that Leanne is sweet on Nick and that he told her three times to stay out of it. She corrects Peter that he does not tell her what to do and that she makes her own decisions. Peter still thinks that Leanne’s got feelings for Nick but she tells him to grow up. Peter cannot get past his jealousy and Leanne’s had enough. Peter tells her that Nick can have her, and walks out, much to Leanne’s disapproval. Peter goes to the Rovers and sees Nick and tells him that he’s been begging for a slap all day. All day? He’s been begging for a slap since the doctor did him when he came out of the womb! Peter accuses him of trying to stir things between he and Leanne, but Nick sets him straight. Peter threatens that he and Leanne are solid, and Nick starts to defend Leanne and asks Peter how long he thinks Leanne is going to put up with him for. Ciaran tries to get in between but Peter grabs Nick by his collar and gives him a warning. This is rather uncalled for, Peter.

Nick tells Natasha that his marriage with Leanne was very fleeting and a long time ago. She’s shocked that he’s managed to get the factory situation sorted out. He says he has all but the deposit since the insurance company hasn’t paid out as quickly as he’d have liked and he needs to pay George now. Natasha goes to see Nick in Turner’s later and tells him that she can front the money for the deposit on that place so that he doesn’t have to worry and has no choice to bunk up with her now.

Hayley gathers all her closest friends around in the cafe (including Ken?) to let them know that they’re getting married! Julie wants to know if they’re allowed to get married, what with all the “tooing, and froing” she’s had done “down there.” Julie and Mary must have washed off their tact in the shower this morning. In the Rovers later friends, and Nick, cheer to Roy and Hayley. Mary tells the group how she’s been planning her wedding since she was six years old. Hayley tells her to stay positive and that she’s sure Mr. Right will soon show up. I think Mary has a Mr. Cole on her mind instead. Mary insists that she help Hayley plan her wedding and that she’s got a wedding book in her caravan. She comes back in with this massive overstuffed sketchbook of sorts and Roy reckons it makes War and Peace look like a short story. IF Mary ever does get married, her wedding’s going to be a flash of the decades. Good gawd. Mary generously loans her wedding book to Hayley but has her promise to look after it.

Fiz is furious when she gets a call from Ches’s school saying that he’s missed all of his exams and she hasn’t gotten any of the letters they’ve put in the post. She’s curious to know what Chesney’s got in his bag, but he leaves the house as she’s yelling at him. Fiz wants answers so she goes up to his bedroom to find some. Fiz roots under Chesney’s bed and finds a copy of Dog Lovers Weekly and an envelope full of cash. When Ches comes home, Fiz confronts him about the cash and she demands to know what was in his bag that was full that morning. She hopes it’s not drugs. Oh yes, Chesney Battersby-Brown travels around with a giant duffle bag just full of kilos of cocaine for the day. Chesney clams up and leaves Fiz with no answers.

Fiz confides in Hayley about the wad of cash she’s found in Chesney’s mattress. He’s clearly gone Italian Mafia if he’s hiding cash in his mattress. That’s my premature theory at least. Fiz has no idea how Chesney could have gotten five hundred quid. Hayley goes to the market and admires all the bits and bobs (shouldn’t she be working?) and sees a familiar face in the crowd. Why, it’s Chesney selling designer dog collars at the market. Well, it’s clear to see where he’s got his money from. Hayley gets on the phone to tell Fiz what she’s seen. Hayley thinks Chesney’s doing great at sales, but Fiz arrives and has a different opinion. Fiz wants to see his boss, but Chesney tells her that he’s his own boss. Chesney went online to order a collar for Schmeichel and thought he had ordered one, but found that he’d made a mistake and had ordered 100 instead. He used Fiz’s credit card and knew the money would show up on her next statement, so he had to find a way to pay her back. Fiz figures what he’s done is enterprising, but he’s got to stop now. Chesney tells Ma and Pa Stape that he’s happy down at the market and doesn’t want to do exams. Chesney tells them that he made 100 quid today and that’s more than Fiz makes in a week. Maybe Fiz should be out there selling collars. Or John for that matter. Later, Ches hands Fiz the money he owes her with saddened expression. Ches tells Fiz that he’s told the school to give his place in college to someone else and she’s livid.

In the Rovers, Michelle asks if she’s a Star Wars fan, and Mary confirms she is. Michelle watches Ciaran flirt with Tina and beckons him over to Mary. She lets him know that she’s a big Star Wars fan and tells Mary that Ciaran’s a big Star Wars fan also, imbedding him in a long terrible conversation that couldn’t be further from Tina McIntyre. Oh, that Michelle. Mama can’t make no slab cake, but she sure didn’t raise no fool! Mary actually tells the two that she never saw Star Wars since mother wouldn’t let her watch anything with sex, violence or robots – or talking animals. No Doctor Doolittle?! Mary is having a grand time chatting up Ciaran and tells him that most men prefer the WHOLE Princess Leia costume. Please, god no. She tells him how she went speed-dating once dressed up as Princess Leia, and no, it wasn’t a costume theme. Ciaran tells a joke, and Mary bursts into laughter stating, “You Irish, with your humour, and your drink.” What?! Ciaran wants to know more about this speed dating.

Later, Ciaran suggests to Liz that they do a speed dating night, since it’d bring more youth and life into the pub but Liz says she’ll think about it. Ciaran’s got the speed dating all planned out, he’s going to get Rosie Webster to hand out the fliers when she’s doing her vodka shot thing, oh her employer will love that. Liz thinks it’s not a bad idea and it could bring in a few new faces since she’s sick of the old ones. Graeme signs himself up for speed dating, saying it’s about time he got himself a red hot mama. Oh, don’t say that too loud or Liz will hear. Ciaran tells Graeme that this place will be full of women and Michelle figures that Ciaran is only doing this event for himself.

HIGHLIGHTS:
- The look of disdain on Gail’s face as Natasha waltzes in and out of her home.
- Gail figuring that if Leanne is doing her Nick a favour, there must be something in it for her. What is with Gail and her post-prison “trust no one” attitude? I kinda like it.
- ScaryMary’s Princess Leia buns! What is this supposed to be: Star Wars: What Ever Happened To? Featuring ScaryMary as Princess Leia, Rita as Yoda and Norris as C3PO? That is NOT a good look for a woman of a certain age. Or, anyone over the age of 12.
- What’s with the flirting that Ciaran is doing with Tina? Oh, that Irish charm. It reminded me of when Julie was shamelessly flirting with him just the other day.
- Roy reckoning that Mary’s wedding collage book makes War and Peace look like a short story. Bahaha.

LOWLIGHTS:
- John and Ches talking in French and Fiz beaming that “it’s like a different language.” Oh, why did Kirkeh and her ever split up?
- Mary tells Gail that she was at her trial and when she heard “not guilty” she’d never been so happy to lose a fiver in her whole life! Mary needs to go to the store and buy some tact.
- Natasha being SO clingy with Nick. She’s like one of those sucker fish that stick onto the side of a whale.